First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Enjoy the match tonight

amanda_p

I think you are giving your wife everything she wants. A determined effort by you to beat your addiction. For your family that is a priceless gift, far more rewarding than anything money related.
What you are undertaking is an incredibly difficult journey, but day by day you are succeeding, each day a step closer to giving you and your family a bright future together. Keep going ,the end result will be everything your wife has ever wanted from you.

downshifted

alt80 said:

Re your advice thanks. Agree re some people that have been in my life a long time. It’s really !!!!!! hard but I need to keep to very limited or no contact know that much. 

Mate who owns MG is a good one I know still avoiding that don’t want to be a !!!!!! burden on someone decent deserves better than me as a mate.

You have two potential friends. One you definitely have to stop seeing entirely. Even limited contact will mean potential relapse, you cannot trust yourself to be with him because he will goad and taunt and cajole you into making huge mistakes. He is not friend material. Friends have your best interests at heart, he certainly does not. 

Your attitude to MG guy is very telling. Your pride won’t let a good guy help you, even though he offers and there are some upsides for him. You think you’re not good enough to have a decent guy as a mate, he deserves better. The fact that random strangers take time out of their day to read and comment on your diary, some again and again, even when they have seen you at your worst, demonstrates that people think you’re also a good guy and worth making an effort for. So does MG guy. Stop making decisions for him and let him do a friend a good turn.

Losing one so called mate and accepting the hand of friendship from a real mate could make a real difference to your chances of recovery 

alt80

Day 15 - 50% to first goal. Working from home so no chance of being persuaded to go to the pub with staff. Can’t even buy a round anyway lol sure that wouldn’t go down well ha. Probably will take two of us to console son England haven’t won 6-1 anyway. Not such an amazing night’s sleep woke up 2am with hay fever myself, 4am son was up with it. Wife was asleep so I spent 20 mins getting him back to bed but he was up at 6am excited for the match haha fml I wouldn’t want to be his teacher today. 

Decided on fish and chips but going to have the steak at the weekend with a sweet potato, grilled tomato, corn on the cob and anything else I can think of. 

This morning heard someone we kind of know but not really took his own life. I didn’t actually know him and neither does wife really beyond the odd ‘hello’ but she’s good friends with one of his good friends. Life is fragile. Always used to think that meant life is fragile better make as much money as possible and have a good go at spending more, making sure I had a ‘good time’ idk def not so sure about that these days.

Going to the kids adventure park. Plenty of other jobs to do over the weekend. Wife wants to see her dad for Father’s Day of course. Wife’s got him some new bbq tools lol. I had a nice photo of my wife and son together framed and sent it to my dad. Never know what to buy for him tbh he likes things from my son or pictures of him. Reckons he misses the English countryside from time to time probably send him a landscape or something for Christmas. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff thanks. Will you be watching it in the van?

@amanda_p I hope so don’t want the alternative can tell you that much. Don’t want the couple of weeks off, few days on cycle of !!!!!! either.

@downshifted yeah probably about right there people in my life deserve better than what they get with me 100%. Would be nice to be able to enjoy the cars in a different way though. Know if I just offer to store it he’ll want me and family going to events with him and his so it’s not that I’m not willing to store his car. I’d actually quite like to buy it, wife likes it, son likes it, I like it and it’s not going to get me in trouble but he won’t let me buy it purely because he knows I owe money fml. Idk it’s awkward all round tbh. As for other guy the only contact I get are work emails. Tbf I’ve been considering if that can be blocked And he can only email my staff. Know I need him out of my life.  

MovingForwards

Your diary helped me procrastinate and I wanted to see how things ended, unfortunately it was how I expected but with a surprise twist of a further olive branch.

Now, you have a lot of work to do, not your business work but relationship work. 

Your wife and in-laws are sticking with you, that won't last forever unless real change happens. Only you can make that change.

Leave the past, it's history, can't be undone but you're not learning from it. Reflection is one thing, dwelling is really bad. The future hasn't happened yet, that can be shaped.

You're getting a lot of support and guidance, more than most people can ever afford or receive. Somehow you're not listening to it, it's been screaming throughout your diary but you're deaf to it.

Effectively you can have everything you want, you've potentially got that money tree most people don't. You've not yet learned the value of money, but have done so well demonstrating how it is the root of evil and doesn't buy happiness.

With careful budgeting and planning, your life will be so much easier. Just because there's money, it doesn't have to be spent. When both you and your wife are truly happy, tangible assets become less of a want. One thing money can't buy is time, that comes free but is so hard to spend wisely.

The happiest memories of my very young childhood are when helping my mom grow strawberries, planting potatoes and digging up the new ones, making jam from the plum tree. All that isn't cancelled out by her picking the wrong person to date, but he is the reason I despise her and why I left at 17.

I was with my ex for 21 years, nearly a year of which was living apart and me trying to keep the marriage going, that wake up call never happened for him. I called it a day at 40, there was a glimmer of realisation from him that it was over as I got in my car. I never looked back as I drove away to start my new life with nothing but some clothes, shoes and whatever possessions meant the most to me, but with the burden of debt, no job lined up but an interview waiting, a flat share and less than £1k in the bank.

Now 5 years on I'm debt free, own my own home at a cost as it's sub-prime rates, with money in the bank.

I'm engaged to an ex-party guy, who woke up one day and didn't want that lifestyle, therefore cut it and everyone out. I can see the long lasting effects of his former lifestyle; I never knew him before so can't compare only base it on what his family say. Suffice to say he has his quirks, demonstrates being on the spectrum and is at his happiest when keeping himself busy helping others including me.
I value his hugs more than the bunch of flowers.
For a few years he kept going on about having a AM DB, one day I got it for him, a model kit I spotted while killing time window shopping in a charity shop. My g-d did he laugh for months after unwrapping it and stopped asking for one after that.



Don't be my ex, or anyone elses who've been down this road. Start to really listen and see what you're being told.

RelievedSheff

I suspect we will probably end up watching it on the van with a few beers to be honest. Neither of us is massive football fans to be honest.

Will see how busy it is in the pub. We need to call in for a quick drink tonight but we won't be staying in for long.

downshifted

alt80 said:

@downshifted yeah probably about right there people in my life deserve better than what they get with me 100%. Would be nice to be able to enjoy the cars in a different way though. Know if I just offer to store it he’ll want me and family going to events with him and his so it’s not that I’m not willing to store his car. I’d actually quite like to buy it, wife likes it, son likes it, I like it and it’s not going to get me in trouble but he won’t let me buy it purely because he knows I owe money fml. Idk it’s awkward all round tbh. As for other guy the only contact I get are work emails. Tbf I’ve been considering if that can be blocked And he can only email my staff. Know I need him out of my life.  

Great news about toxic mate, keep it up

i don’t understand what’s “awkward all round” about MG man. You and your family would enjoy going to events I guess? You are learning that having a good life doesn’t depend on immediately buying things aren’t you? He knows you owe money, is that it? Most people probably know that, don’t they? Exactly what is putting you off? What would happen if you said yes to him?

CRANKY40

If you had the MG would it stop you going on about the other eejit? Could you set up a payment plan with your decent mate? Given the money that you seen to be able to dredge up at a moments notice to spend on unneccesary things it may be a viable thing. We sold our share of our boat to family of the other part owner by monthly standing order. It took them a while to pay it off but that didn't bother me because I wanted to sell the boat to that person, not the first one who arrived with cash in their hand. It could provide you with a hobby and something to involve your son with. 

alt80

It’s done - pulled the trigger on a 2yr BCH deal on an EQC. BMW will be going back. Don’t really want to get into where my head is right now about that ha. Trying to see it as a good, tax efficient decision that will help on the personal side but I can’t really pretend I’m thrilled. Never bought a car I didn’t want to own for some reason until now.

re MG - The car is worth £8.5-10k - its not like I can’t find the money to buy it. I don’t like owing people but he’s said he won’t take my money he knows how much I owe to Land Rover ha. 

Glad I’m not going out tonight with the weather tbh looking forward to fish and chips and watching the match with my family. Def getting old lol.