First Steps to Solvency

dawnybabes

Can she not return it ? She’s shown them she ‘can’ afford it now ! 

alt80

@dawnybabes she doesn’t want to return reckons she’s going to wear it a lot. Got a bit of a belt collection and one pretty similar to this one, idk I can hardly tell the difference ha.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with what she can/ cannot ‘afford’ more she’s known to make purchases the girls want to make but dont/ can’t and they look up to her or something idk how it works tbf lol. 

!!!!!! annoying anyway just trying to laugh it off but it’s a lot of money for what it is that she’s bought really. 

theoretica

alt80 said:

My wife is cautious generally wants to be secure in a way - wants to know we’re not going to wind up with the repo man knocking ha. That said I’m looking for the same these days; right balance between risk and reward. I’ve bought units in the past that worked out but !!!!!! stupid risk taking looking back not thinking things through properly and being on the stuff sometimes. Not the future I want.

That resonates with something I have been thinking about of late for myself - not reached a conclusion yet.  It is the difference between putting everything in something at medium risk or splitting it up and putting some in very secure and some in high risk.  The average risk and reward can work out the same, but the decision feels different to me and I think I like knowing that's my safe pot and that's my potential big reward pot.

stymied

How’s the annual budget looking for wife’s spends?

alt80

Day 12 through. Keep falling to sleep on the sofa woke up with son asleep beside me, neck ache and missed the match ha fml.

@getmore4less dipped in and out of a few pages on those hmos interesting to see the rest of the country like a !!!!!! busman's holiday for me that lol. 👍

@theoretica I've just lost a longish reply but essentially it's working out your own attitude to risk / what you want to get from it / and how diverse a portfolio you wish to build. Not sure you're talking property here or investment generally? Probably ignore the next bit of me wittering if it's not property though some principles may apply equally to other types of investment idk??

Generally you'll find with a diverse property portfolio the risker end will bring greater yield and lesser capital appreciation and the safer end vice versa. A good mix spreads risk and can sometimes help with growth through further leverage off the back of capital appreciation. From the management side you're spreading risk through a mix of tenant profiles and even spreading maintenance liabilities with some property types being more maintenance heavy than others. This generally applies to commercial or residential units. 

Not sure if any of that makes sense as it's a truncated version of what I'd previously written apologies if it doesn't.

@stymied haha now there's a question fml lol she's trying to argue she's spent £240 of her annual because she's sold stuff lol. Doesn't work like that imo although I've failed miserably so don't feel in a good position to argue. She's doing very well with the sales but I have said some of these shopping trips need to stop really. Both of us need to make a commitment to wind it in for a while we both have lots of nice things. Told her we're very lucky in someways but not falling out I've made my mistakes and !!!!!! relapses. 

alt80

Up past midnight thinking about spending again fml. Know I’m no saint and have to make light of the £380 on the Balmain belt lol it’s not this once ultimately and within her target it doesn’t matter but it happening over and over and over again on !!!!!! repeat that just can’t go on. Not just my wife’s spending but my own, more my own really I know. Can’t keep happening this month things are bad. I’ve had a !!!!!! binge, she’s getting towards a binge imo. Getting towards spent more than I’ve earned. Tonight she was updating the wishlists lol. Worst thing is I get it, I’m not going to pretend I’ve never spent stupid amounts on leather goods - once spent over £500 on a Tom Ford belt not that long ago probably this time last year as the shops opened just before the oh !!!!!! I need to sort my credit cards out again hit. Whenever I have wore it and not touched any substance I feel so !!!!!! self conscious wearing that thing it’s unreal actually asked wife to sell it when I sorted my clothes inventory lol but she can pull it off only 33 year old woman I know who doesn’t look a !!!!!! idiot wearing some of the stuff she does lol. Tbh I want her to have the best def feel I’ve not done well enough when I get these thoughts about both of us really needing to wind it in.

Idk maybe I’m just being silly concerned about nothing keeping me up. Money feels very precious when you’ve got easy access to a max of £20 lol.

julicorn

It's really hard achieving any long-term change in behaviour. You are both doing really well when it comes to paying debt down quickly, and giving up some of your belongings to facilitate that. There's a certain level of restraint that you both seem to have, but once something disrupts that, you're completely right, it sends you into a binge. 

I can relate in a few ways. I've given up smoking more often than I can count over the years (I wasn't even ever a heavy smoker, didn't smoke at home for example), and it was always easy enough to give up and maintain, until at some point, after weeks or months, I'd have that weird feeling sink in that 'this is forever now', it's a permanent change, I might never have a cigarette again. For some reason my brain just couldn't handle that, and I'd make little exceptions, sending me back into old habits (e.g. saying it's fine to have a cigarette when I'm really stressed, and suddenly I was smoking at work all day long again). Similarly, whenever I set myself really strict spending limits (e.g. a month with no discretionary spends), it backfires towards the end and I go on a complete spending binge. 

This is probably not the most helpful post because I don't think there's even an easy solution, I just wanted to say I understand where you're both coming from, and it no doubt must be causing a fair bit of stress.

strawb_shortcake

Could you make a compromise with your wife that she gets to keep a percentage of her sales that she makes (her stuff not yours) and the rest comes off a card? Could possibly exchange her budget for this??

Likewise you could do similar with anything you sell, that way you have some spends, even if you put it in a pot until you need/want something? You may end up finding you want to put your money towards having "unbudgeted" fun with your Son.

You both need to break away from the cycle of you let her have whatever she wants because you've done wrong in the past. 

alt80

Day 13. Not the best nights sleep but did at least go to sleep and the earlier nap probably didn’t help me to have the best night.

Work planned, going to cook a chilli con carne tonight but that’s for tomorrow also looks like the run of weather is going to be over so going to sort externals with wife later get it all done before the rain starts.

@julicorn yeah I relate to that definitely re the substances think I’m done with it for good and the next thing I know I’m back on it. I think the only solution is making the choice of recovery every single day and having barriers in place to stop it being easy when the brain lapses pros seem to agree though I’m simplifying in reality for the sake of not rambling on too much so sticking with that ha. 

Def guilty for being annoyed ultimately being concerned about how much she’s spending it’s me who’s failed I want her to be provided with the best- know I’ve been ticked off on here for that and know I’ve developed some ‘old fashioned’ views. Went back to bed she was asleep and tbh I’m glad she doesn’t have the stress. 

RelievedSheff

You need to get it into you head that giving someone the best isn't about giving them unlimited money to spend or buying them expensive gifts. That isn't being given the best.

Being given the best is having a loving husband and father who will be by your side through thick and thin, through hard times and good times.