First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 14. Had a bit of a breakdown this morning. 2 weeks, getting to the third is usually almost impossible for me. Glad I have no access to money I don’t want it to jeopardise my recovery. Not had the best night’s sleep spent some time reading literature I’ve been avoiding surrounding the effects of living with someone with an addiction. I don’t want that for my family. Going to be a long day speaking to the pros.

Financially I want to move forward and that’s not going to happen if I go back on it. Wife said this morning she has thought about things and going to make a commitment to have 2 months off buying things for her. Told her if it’s in the budget it doesn’t matter but she reckons she wants 2 months off. Not going to argue about it ha. She’s doing well with the selling another £50 item gone. Realise how much you have that you’re not particularly bothered about owning when you do the inventories. 

RelievedSheff

You are doing really well.

It is also great news that your wife wants to change as well. You can do this together. 

Just keep taking it one day at a time.

getmore4less

Going to get these tough days, should have the tools now to get through them.

Do the pro stuff,  think about the plans that have good things going on over the next few days there is some good stuff to look forward to.

Maybe go out to the RR give it a hug and tell it "I am going through this for you(and my son)" 


Good the wife is trying something new with the  2 months abstinence, will help her drop the habit and think more about what she does buy and the timings given the limited annual budget.







  

SanguineGina

getmore4less said:

Maybe go out to the RR give it a hug and tell it "I am going through this for you(and my son)"   

Lol!

Tomorrow will be your 50% marker, alt, and grim though today might be, you will get through it. Hang in there👍

MovingForwards

I've just spent however many days reading all this thread and planned so many different things to say. However, there has been a massive change in you. Some elements of the old you lurk, however it's still very early days.

There's nothing wrong with dropping the wrong people from your life, even if they are related. 

What I would suggest is one in one out when something is purchased. If either of you buys an item of clothing, the person who did has to pick something from existing items to sell. You could jazz it up a bit by setting the rule as being equivalent or higher value so the new 'want' pays for itself. When it's a 'need' it naturally replaces something eg the broken window.

Life can't stand still, you can make it better and in time your priorities will shift.

Hug your wife and son, say you love them and then go play footie with him. Learn to laugh with them, keep making the odd shaped food as life isn't perfect and seeing your wife begin to relax and your son laughing will pull on your heart strings when you least expect it.

When you next see your FIL, put your hand out and shake his. Thank him for all the support he's offered.

Accept the MG mate's offer, it's not charity, this is what proper friends do. Invite him round for some chamomile tea and homemade biscuits. One day you will see him for who he is, a nice guy trying to support a friend.

You're on a journey of discovery, learning who you are. This is what most people do from teenage years to whenever they find themselves.

theoretica

alt80 said:

 Realise how much you have that you’re not particularly bothered about owning when you do the inventories. 

Perhaps try to consciously use it to see the difference between buying things because you really want to own and use them and buying things because you want to buy them.  I don't always find it easy to tell between the two before buying thing, but I do remember to ask myself the question and try to work out the answer! 

alt80

Day 14 through. Whacked again but from productive stuff at least. Not spent any money at all neither me or wife. 

Fml she made me laugh earlier though wanted to make a hybrid English/ Scottish dinner for tomorrow but didn’t want to end up with a “haggis pizza”. That great English dish the pizza haha. Tbf the moment she said it she knew she’d said something completely ridiculous. Anyway still no idea - any suggestions before I get fish and chips ha.

@RelievedSheff thanks I just pray I get through. Not going to pretend I don’t think about it. Idk long conv with the pros/ other people with same issue know it’s not good for me at all. Keep plodding through each day.

Yeah think that’s all it is her trying to help me. Don’t deserve her I know.

@getmore4less you’re a sarcastic !!!!!! lol. Seriously yeah I’ve got the tools just need to keep on using them. Succeeding with that so far.

Wife is pretty good at giving up habits when she puts her mind to it so it could be a blessing idk would like to be able to give her everything she wants but I can’t.

CRANKY40

M&S sell Aberdeen Angus beef. You could have steak and chips...

alt80

@MovingForwards fml reading all of my brain dumps you must have been really !!!!!! bored mate don’t really what else I can say to that ha. 

Re your advice thanks. Agree re some people that have been in my life a long time. It’s really !!!!!! hard but I need to keep to very limited or no contact know that much. 

Agree re clothing wife has been selling a lot tbf to her more than she’s bought 100%. 

Family I just want the best for them. FIL thinks I’m the biggest !!!!!! going can’t blame him they held an olive branch out to me and I did what I did probably lost any favour there for good now. Don’t blame them. 

Mate who owns MG is a good one I know still avoiding that don’t want to be a !!!!!! burden on someone decent deserves better than me as a mate.

I’ve let life pass me by really I know; trips me off beyond all measure I’m 40 years old and I haven’t got a !!!!!! clue about life beyond semi successfully earning money and spending like there’s no !!!!!! tomorrow. Shameful 100% -and worst thing is, all I’ve wanted to be is a success in life there’s a good laugh for you fml.

@theoretica like that suggestion something I do at work a bit with equipment so I get where you’re coming from - just incorporate it into personal life. Done that a lot with the steps which have been positive just ported things over into personal life lol.

alt80

@CRANKY40 Sounds good to me 👍👍 def beats a !!!!!! haggis pizza!