First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Thank you @efes_shareholder you’re right I need to think about it that mindset - will get there. Day 6 so 20% towards my first goal. 

Got a fairly busy day on the work need to go into comm office and out on the road. One of my staff has a doctors appointment so I’ve told them I’ll help out with one of their jobs today - that’s what’s made me a bit busier than planned at the start of the week but they’ve done me favours absolute least I could do. 

Managed to get up and have breakfast outside. Lunch on the road again some nice little place I think and dinner is a lazy one - pesto quiche from Sainsbury’s cous cous and salad. Having that with wife and same for lunch tomorrow as she’s coming up here good to use things up - we never used to. Not really about the money just getting into a mindset of not being wasteful.

alt80

Going to bed in a minute been a busy day. £6.80 spent on lunch. I do need to look through the general figures - on the list. 

Exhausting day busy on the work front and did my rear elevation externals/ garage as I said I would. Wife catalogued shirts, jackets and coats for me earlier today I’ll have a look through over the weekend. Been a bit ambitious what I can get done in a day right now, sleeping not too badly but generally just whacked. Glad I had wife here helping me after dinner but she accidentally missed son’s bedtime; in-laws went !!!!!! mental just got her off the phone ha fml like I’m seeing a teenager or something hiding from her parents lol. Tbf it’s quite nice just enjoying our home and each other’s company when she’s here nothing else matters. Meant to be seeing son on Friday I don’t even know what the solution is there. He hates me, I’m not a good dad and can’t blame him probably better with in-laws they’re really good with him amazing grandparents tbf can’t fault them.

RelievedSheff

It will take some time with your wife and son and the in laws. You really do have to work out in which direction you are going to go with the family. You can't just leave them hanging on and not knowing what will happen next.

For the time being just focus on the one day at a time though. That does seem to be working for you.

alt80

Day 7. Another busy one planned plenty of work still coming in and interviewing next week so need to have a good look through the applicants. Do that tonight. Also downloaded a sketchbook to my iPad going to have a go at the tutorial for it over the next few days. Had my breakfast - boiled egg and toast. Dinner this evening doing tuna steak with salad. Food planned for Sunday roast, I’m doing lamb and going to make the Eton mess. Can have a go at the meringue Saturday hopefully will go ok. Decided I’m not going to a restaurant at the weekend- going to cook for wife instead. Do proper three course meal and get the candles out for her lol. Need to work out what I’m feeding her first. 

Home schedule on track. Easier job this evening kitchen and bathrooms proper clean. 

@RelievedSheff I know that’s what I’m trying to do one day at a time. Tbh right now I want my wife back full time things better between us than in a long time enjoying working on the house with her. Don’t know re son I think he’d be better with in-laws full time they are wonderful with him but my wife won’t be a part time parent iyswim. I’ve let both of them down but son especially know it sounds like I don’t care about him I do a great deal and just want what’s best for him. Right now that’s me keep paying for school and him have his grandparents and mum to guide him out of school. He doesn’t like, need or want me I get why I know I’ve been a rubbish dad and at some point I’ll need to make amends or try to. Asked my dad if I could spend summer with them in utter desperation last week my dad said I could but my staff won’t hang around forever and I need to make sure I can keep paying for my son’s school. That’s the most important thing.

dawnybabes

Your son does need you, he’s just very confused at the moment and won’t be able to articulate it.

RelievedSheff

You can't just pick and choose and cherry pick the bits of family life that you want to be a part of. You have fathered that child and he is yours and your wife's responsibility.

It is nice that his grand parents have stood up to the plate when they were needed but they have done their parenting years. They should be chilling out and relaxing now not doing your parenting for you.

Allikat86

Alt, I wonder if you are still engaging with professional help as you haven’t really discussed that? 

I think that you and your wife should talk to your son’s school about your situation at the moment. You can ask them to refer you to your local early help services (or you can refer yourself) because I think your addiction makes it very difficult for you to see your son’s perspective at the moment. You can access parenting courses that will give you an understanding of your son’s development and his emotional needs. 

If you tell your wife that’s what you want, then very gently I think I will suggest that you would be very disappointed by her response. Your son deserves parents who are consistent and invested in his well-being. From most of your posts about about her I would say that she has consistently put your son first, although obviously I am basing that on an overall feel from your posts. However, I think she has absolutely done the right thing by acting protectively and staying with her parents when it became apparent that you hadn’t stuck with the recovery plan. I’m not suggesting that you don’t care about him, but your wish to have your wife living with you without your child suggests again that you have completely emotionally distanced yourself from the impact on him. Money doesn’t fix any of this. The post about staying with your parents also doesn’t seem to recognise that you are effectively attempting to run away again. You have a child who is really hurt and caught in the middle of this. You need to make a sustained change over a very long period of time. I work in child protection in a health capacity, and from the limited information you’ve given (as it is one sided and depends on your state of mind when you post) your wife has done the right thing. The fact that she is still showing up to try and care for you says an awful lot about her, but if she had additional pressures of working/having to financially support herself and your son I think you would find that her emotional energy with you would run thin quite quickly.

alt80

I know how it looks. Ultimately I just want the best for him and to give him the best chances possible in life. I can pay for him to have a good education and his grandparents are amazing at doing family time. Talking best in the business good at family time here, don’t think the pros would be any better tbh. Only thing I can liken it to and it’s not really - I’ve had a member of staff in the past who I thought the world of but who’s long term goals couldn’t match what my business was able to offer at that time. I spent a year or so helping to develop their skill set to move on to where they wanted their career to go. Still in touch and has brought some opportunities to my business but it was the right thing to support them in moving on. It’s not like that really, I know, suppose I’m just trying to say I want the absolute best for him and do acknowledge that I’m not the best for him. Trying to do the right thing. 

RelievedSheff

Doing the right thing isn't dumping your child on the grand parents because things are a bit difficult.

There is little wonder that your son hates you right now. He thinks you don't want him or love him. After why else would you have sent him to live with his grand parents?

ZaSa1418

@alt80 all your son has seen lately is Dad doesn't want to be around so left and now he has come back he doesn't want me around so has sent me to Nan & Grandads. You need to try and fix this, maybe see if there are any parenting classes you can take or speak to your counsellor about this and see if they have any advice.