First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

You don't need to be an expert in kids to show them love and attention and spend time with them. That's all they want.

alt80

Just noticed the football is starting at 8pm tonight. Not that bothered about turkey v Italy game tbh probably will watch a bit on iplayer when I’ve got the car done but anyone else massively tripped off with them still calling it Euro 2020? Fml I thought I’d been transported back to last year. 

Think I’ll shift Sunday roast a bit have it lunchtime rather than dinnertime be ready for England v Croatia match. Did alright with the family time when six nations was on. When I saw the fixtures for this Sunday thought going to shift things around a bit - jobs done morning, lamb roast, football, get out in the sun for a bit, walk with dog bit of tv / planning for week ahead. No time for stupidity.

KxMx

Your son only has one Dad and that is you.
Don't underestimate your importance to him. 
As good as his Mum & GPs are they are not his Dad. That is you. 

strawb_shortcake

I don't think anyone doubts you have your Son's best interests at heart, but where you see the benefits of you not being in his life, we have a different perspective and know that optimum outcome is your Son having two loving, engaging and interested parents in his life. 

If you haven't seen your Son all week, spending 4 hours cleaning a car instead of spending time with your Son is quite frankly a really !!!!!! thing to do. Your Son's emotions might be all over the place at the moment but he will be excited to see you, don't risk giving him a sense of deflation as you choose to do something away from him. 
The time you spend with a child will always be valued most highly 

Grumpelstiltskin

Can't you see that in your son's eyes you prefer cleaning the car rather than sitting on the sofa with him.
You still don't see how important it is that you take every chance to be with him, do things with him, and not obsess about your cars.
The world won't come to an end if the BMW isn't cleaned but if you do choose to clean the car tonight it will reinforce your son's belief that you don't love him.

julicorn

You're describing parenting like it's a job - as long as someone does it, it's done and fine. Like watering the plants or washing your car, it doesn't really matter who does it, as long as the plants are watered and the car is clean. 
Parenting isn't (just) a set of tasks and behaviours though, being a parent is a relationship. Your in-laws being good grandparents is great, but it doesn't mean your son doesn't need his father because of that. It's like cancelling every date night in the future, and just having your wife go out with her best friend instead - might be a nice enough time for her, but still wouldn't help your relationship, and it's not the same for your wife either. 
Also, your son is not gonna give a damn about how much money exactly you sink into his education every month. At this point, that's a bill for you, like your mortgage or your car loan, not an active demonstration of his love and support for him. 

While he's staying elsewhere, you really have to act like a part-time parent. When someone only has their son a couple of days a week, then that time needs to make up for the quality time that should have been spent throughout the rest of the week, not parking him in front of the screen and washing your car. The fact that you said it doesn't matter because you give him popcorn and a drink shows how little you still understand what your kid needs from you - it's not (just) the money and the food, it's also being emotionally there for him. 

As for the separation atm, I kind of get it - you gotta work on your own recovery, and you can't pour from an empty cup (just hoping you're actually spending enough time and energy refilling that cup). The part that's concerning is that you claim you're doing your best for your son by leaving others to fill the father role, that is honestly just such a cop-out. 

CRANKY40

alt80 said:

 At some point I’m going to have to get access to money back somethings like this are frustrating- can’t surprise her lol.

No you don't. You really don't. She doesn't want any more "surprises" of the kind that you provide, bought for her or otherwise....

getmore4less

Your priorities are all wrong.

Choosing to clean your rented car over spending time with your son who you have sent away for best part of a week.

highfieldcyrille88

Wow, you haven’t seen your son all week and going to clean the car whilst he is back for the evening. Words say you want the best for him, actions say otherwise. As others have said put your son first, read up on it if need be.

Legs21

I think what people are trying to say Alt is that if your son is coming over he should be spending that time with you, not with the house. If you really have to wash the car then give your son the pressure washer. Who cares if you both get wet? The wetter the better.