First Steps to Solvency

katsu

We don't think you are a waste. We think you are in a horrible situation with the coke that no- one would chose to be in. You can't have had any idea you'd end up here when you first tried it. We all realise that. 

MSE is an amazing place because its about transformation. I'm a much better person, more financially secure and confident than I was when I came here over a decade ago. I'm now over a decade DF thanks to everyone who helped me. We are sticking with you because we want you to make it. 

stymied

I thought the house was back on the table because of envy of the gorgeous holiday Manor House with private executive chef?
@alt80 you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. Have you used coke since leaving rehab?

Jellytotts

stymied said:

I thought the house was back on the table because of envy of the gorgeous holiday Manor House with private executive chef?
@alt80 you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. Have you used coke since leaving rehab?

Sounds like it to me.  

I am astounded by your wanton urge to sabotage your marriage and home life.  Only when you can see that the only things that matter in life are your wife and your son, will everything else fall into place.  Money, houses, cars, jobs, none of it matters. A loving relationship and a fiercely protective urge to protect your wife and son are what's needed...and money doesn't come into that.  Money can make things better when the relationship is strong but you can't plaster the cracks with £50 notes and hope they stick.

TheAble

ladyholly said:

Stop being a self centred p****. What do you think all this self recrimination is doing to your son now never mind in the future. You say you can't do what you need to well no one else can do it. Do you really want to stop the addiction, being in debt and being miserable. It sure doesn't sound like it. No gain without effort but are you prepared to get up off your back side and make the effort or are you just going to wallow in misery. Your choice. 

Bit harsh? I really think you guys ought to tone it down a bit. I wouldn't blame the guy for calling time on this diary, it's like one big pile-on after every post.

theoretica

You have 24 hours in your day - same as you did years ago - and need to balance things you are giving up with new things you introduce to not leave gaps in your life for things you don't want to creep back in.  With food diets it can be really hard if you spend all your time thinking about what you aren't eating 'no chocolate, no cake, no biscuits...' of course you want chocolate, cake and biscuits.  While if you think and talk about the good things you do eat - strawberries, salmon, asparagus - it keeps cravings down and you are much happier and easier to stick to the diet. I think you have found this with the sparkling tea you talk about.  Same with the other changes in your life - think about the good things you have or are increasing in your life, plan them in, look forward to them and make a point of talking about them and try to fill your hours with them.  Try not to keep mentally going over the things you don't have at the moment or they will grow and grow in your mental life and make the changes much harder on you. 

alt80

Day 1 completed, here we go again hope one day that’s saying day 100 rather than day 1 ha. Managed to have a better day overall even though I’ve been feeling like !!!!!! done the therapy sessions/ meeting, not touched any substances and spent a bit of time at my comm office. Ate dinner with family, didn’t really eat at all yesterday so that was nice. Not spent any money. Got out for a walk with my family. Can’t sleep but absolutely whacked, why I’m on here.

Thank you for all the helpful messages. @getmore4less thanks mate helping me see sense when I’m !!!!!! blind to it ha. If I wind up in 20 years or whatever as wise as you are I’d be very happy. Probably won’t have any brain cells left by then though never mind being wise. You’ve got your head screwed on mate 100%. Re home office def a ‘place’ and one I need to avoid. Funny you should mention not turning into 6 or 7 years that’s what I said to the pros today don’t want to carry on like this. Re business - all avenues I’ve considered some quite seriously in the past and there’s others but my head isn’t straight enough to really make much in the way of progress. I was meant to be parking it for a year or two concentrating on what I have and concentrating more on getting clean and healthy mentally and physically. I’m getting too old to keep doing what I’m doing.

@Allikat86 haha yeah I’ve seen that before and the addiction cycle one fml that one describes my experiences 100%. I very much struggle with family easy for others to think I don’t care, I see that. No idea how much I wanted to be the best family man going when I left the rehab just didn’t happen the way I wanted it too was warned about it etc but nothing prepared me for my son not really welcoming me with open arms and no turning into some expert level family man. 

@TheAble I don’t think I ever thanked you for your other comment re family thanks mate did make me think about things today trying to perfect the family thing probably ought not be my goal - unrealistic for me, improvement the way to go there I think. OK to have other priorities not really had anyone tell me that all my in laws and my family all say family before everything !!!!!! ironic in some cases lol. I’ve made a lot of progress on the personal finances through some of the people on here. Genuinely can’t thank some on here enough for giving me the push to get on with paying the debts, in a lot better position from a personal perspective financially than I would have been but yeah I’m thinking about asking for this to be closed tbh mate. 

@Theoretica thank you your post has really struck a chord. Something that has been discussed/ considered in therapy before tbf but seeing it written down succinctly made me think it could be possible to work towards reframing the negative. How’s the gluten free going? 

RelievedSheff

If you do close the diary then I do really hope that you find the help that you need and hope that you can pop in from time to time to let us know your progress.

I for one think that you can work through this and come back out the other side a changed man, not just with the finances but in yourself and with your family. 

I wish you well whatever you choose. 

Big virtual hugs for you this morning 

warby68

Its very good to see you re-engaging and sounding 'sane' again.
Not sure if Day1 means you did use again - it certainly sounded like it.
Your extreme demon has been back hugely - this time it was reality not quite meeting fantasy causing huge negative reactions. That stupid VIP rehab has a lot to answer for.

I've wondered whether this diary is good or bad for you - its so hard to see someone do very bad things (for them) and not tell them and I'm guessing its another 'secret' escape for you in the real world. Does it stop you sharing the extreme thoughts with the professionals etc. Do you feel absolved, like confession, and then not deal with it properly in the real world? Not sure if that makes sense. On the other hand its a relatively safe place compared to a lot of your other escapes.

I've said it before, there is also the option of closing one diary and starting another so you can reframe the stage you are at and the type of support you're looking for. A symbol of moving forward if you will.

Anyway whatever you decide, know you are wished well as are your family, especially your precious son. That little boy is what keeps me trying. As in life, you will find that your harshest critics are also often your biggest supporters. People that tell you what you want to hear are 10 a penny as they are following their own agenda. People that tell you what you don't want to hear mostly have your interests at heart.

Good luck with Day 2 - onwards and upwards.

PestoPasta

Good luck alt80. You are obviously struggling. I do think that this board is more than just a personal finance chat for you. I think you said that you don’t engage in group NA therapy? Seems like this board definitely provides you with that reality check that you would get in group therapy. Also, because it is anonymous, people don’t hold back. Just like NA I would imagine (although never had the need to go myself). Keep on going. Keep on with those family walks and dinners. Perhaps go to the in-laws for a BBQ etc. You CAN definitely do this. But I do think that a face-to-face NA regular group meeting would make sense. You get so much from the people on here, and you would get the same and more from a group NA session. Please try it out this weekend - no excuses allowed! 

theoretica

alt80 said:

@Theoretica thank you your post has really struck a chord. Something that has been discussed/ considered in therapy before tbf but seeing it written down succinctly made me think it could be possible to work towards reframing the negative. How’s the gluten free going? 

Thanks for asking- at home I genuinely don't think about gluten - it's just a habit.  When out, well turning into a bit of a food nut and querying ingredients wasn't on the list of things I wanted to become - but one meal however tasty isn't worth a couple of days of feeling bad.  And it helps that friends and colleagues know and kindly don't offer me things I don't eat.