First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@SanguineGina addict part of my brain just says recovery for what? To pay all my debts off and only be able to have a life when my son is a teenager? I want to recover and just forget the past but all I’m doing is paying for past stupidity. Destroying myself though just making the whole thing carry on for even longer. 

No idea how much I want to do the right thing but can’t.

Regrets will get you no where. You have spent the money and now is the time to pay it back.

You need to realise just how fortunate you are to have the nice cars and the nice house. Some people are stuck paying off years of over spending in homes that they don't like and some can't afford to run any car.

Yes you have a lot of debt, but you also have a high income so can service that debt with a few cut backs in certain areas. It won't be forever and when your finances are in better shape then you can go and buy yourself a nice weekend car, when it is properly budgeted for and affordable. We are only talking a few years down the line here. Not never.

ladyholly

Stop being a self centred p****. What do you think all this self recrimination is doing to your son now never mind in the future. You say you can't do what you need to well no one else can do it. Do you really want to stop the addiction, being in debt and being miserable. It sure doesn't sound like it. No gain without effort but are you prepared to get up off your back side and make the effort or are you just going to wallow in misery. Your choice. 

woahsoah

You seem to want your family life to be some weird John Lewis Christmas advert.

You love the RR and regret getting rid of the F type. Isn't the 5 year plan just paying back the money you borrowed from your future self?

the_end_of_the_rainbow

Your son wouldn’t care less if he lived in the cheapest house in town as long as he had a happy, stable home environment. Moving house is your perceived idea of what your son wants not his. 

efes_shareholder

lets all take a moment , step in to a corner and have a conversation with the wall
I feel it will more effective

ZaSa1418

alt80 said:

@SanguineGina addict part of my brain just says recovery for what? To pay all my debts off and only be able to have a life when my son is a teenager? I want to recover and just forget the past but all I’m doing is paying for past stupidity. Destroying myself though just making the whole thing carry on for even longer. 

No idea how much I want to do the right thing but can’t.

I don't comment on this much but this worries me, it's like you are self destructing , you can see it and you think you want to do the right thing but aren't. It's like you are trying to test how far into rock bottom you can go before you actually have to face up to the fact you need some serious help. 
Don't end up losing your business, house and family over this, act now. 

getmore4less

I really thought we had parked the house, nothing wrong with the one you have if fact more than you need other than the number of noughts it cost.

Big enough great location for the family 

Dismantle the home office and move it some where else in the house maybe convert the old one into a padded cell

I might even go as far as new furniture as thatroom is just a bad place to be

The car debt is there but can be controlled and there is room to save up for a AM.

The 5 years have gone not a lot you can do about that but this constant d***ing about feeling sorry for yourself rather than getting on with what needs doing will turn 5y into 6 or 7 years.

The portfolio is your easy one in your head you know what to do and why you can't for a while till you fix the retained  then there will be more opportunity for growth frustrating but that's what it is.

The main business is different, you are at a crossroads you are going to have to step out of your super comfort zone
The organic growth building on what you have and know is the easy one in your head, in fact with your team it looks like it could happen with not a lot of input just steering from yourself,  will take time,  give steady sustainable rewards longer term.

This is good because where you are completely stuck is how to level up(using your terms) what you have, that needs some more radical changes beyond more of the same and  that need time to think about how you get there and when you do see an option it will be you full time for a good while as it will be like starting a new business 

To have any chance of that you need a clear head become a different business person and most likely need help to work out your next move back to needing  your mentors again..

The analogy I tend to use is the chef that become restaurateur.
You can only go so far being the boss doing a bit of the cooking and showing face front of house, might be able to grow a bit  with an extension but at some point you stick with what you have or level up and open your second restaurant.

You need to understand what you have to do a level up needs more than just organic growth with the easy things you know, 

I can only guess at what might be out there

if you are just picking up property management in and around Nottingham, you might have to start from scratch in an area you have nothing get out and start selling your business as the one they need to be using. 

Could you be the new face in lettings in another area

if you have a relationship with any developers(maybe through valuing) do you pick up  management of  the leasehold parts of the new development  if not what do you need to do to get into that business
Someone is getting the contracts for all these new estates make it be you. 

There is going to be loads more its your business and sector you need to find them.
If  you need to find work to do to keep you busy  it can be researching where the money is and what you need to do to get  a share of those pots of gold.

What about social housing a lot have their own teams any way to barge into that sector.

.

Allikat86

alt80 said:

@getmore4less definitely worked for the personal money thanks I just need to accept i need to get on with the plan stick with it just being self destructive as I am tbh all about the cars and my home because I know I can’t get in an AM, can’t move house to something better and my time is running out all because of 5ish really !!!!!! stupid years I’ve not even got fond memories of. Owe so much !!!!!! money on the cars I have I can’t just swap the BMW for something else unless I do something through the business and all the cars I can reasonably buy that way aren’t my kind of car. Home wise I’m stuck realistically need a lot more money to move to somewhere I want to make a home for my family, wife doesn’t even want to move and I’m stuck without any hope for the next couple of years anyway. I know what I need to do just can’t do it in the moment because I’m being a ‘big kn*bhead’ haha true. Lot of people in a lot worse situations I know that just gives me the guilt I can’t get over my 5 year plan is paying my debts no cars other than the ones I have, no new home not many if any new units. Scope on the main business to see some positive trajectory but that’s my only positive in life. Son will be a teenager by the time I can move home that kills me. Had all the ideas in my head providing my family with a good life but by the time I can my son will be almost grown. It kills me. Knowing what my immediate future looks like for next 5 years all like this because of the past just makes me do the self destructive stuff. Glad I’ve got a plan because I need it but it kills me.

I’ve just highlighted some parts of this as I think they really say a lot, perhaps more than you realise. This again is all about your wants and wishes - your wife doesn’t even want to move! Reminds me of some of the comments that you made about ‘dressing her up’. How would a different home benefit them? 
Sometimes it comes across that you see them as spare parts in your life. You like the idea of family time but the reality of what quality time would mean to your son - cooking food and giving your wife a break from continuous every day life, mud in the car, stories at bed time, sacking off work to pick up a poorly child, taking the time to do more than surface ‘Disney dad’ stuff - these things seem like a burden rather than a pleasure. You say about wanting to give them a better life - materially, they have an amazing one! I can tell you categorically though that what you are putting them through now though will be having a massive emotional impact on them and you need to show them change, rather than lots of self recrimination - this is where the therapy will come into its own. ‘That’s my only positive in life’ with regards to your business is a statement that needs a lot of unpicking. 
Again, the car stuff. It’s fine to have preferences etc, but everyone at every level of life needs to compromise. I would love a different type of car to the one that I have, but I keep the one that I have (even though I could afford my preferred one) because it gives me the room to do other things with my kids, and I don’t stress about it getting muddy. 

Of course your five year plan is paying off your debts... you’ve not paid for what you’ve borrowed yet, and you’ve gone so fast that you need to catch up now! It doesn’t meant that you can’t all plan in nice things but at the crux of this is a need to treat your wife as an
equal.
Lastly - I’m sure that you’ve seen this at rehab, but please look at the cycle of change again.  People don’t want to attack, they want to help - your behaviour strikes a chord with people replying to you for different reasons, but I see nothing but kindness in the messages that people are sending you, whether they are blunt or delivered more delicately. You can’t do this alone - seek help and accept it, do everything you are asked to do, relinquish control. 

getmore4less

Just a  thought is there anyone in your current team that you could brainstorm with.

flesh out a 4/5y plan for your organic growths with aggressive but ultimately achievable targets
Then start working on what could you do to double the business in 1/2 the time it will take with just the organic growth.

getmore4less

The house move is back on the table as a distraction from the real things that need  fixing