First Steps to Solvency

stymied

Def don’t give your son a whole week of chicken salad just because you want to lose weight!

getmore4less

It's all about sticking to the simple but not very exciting tasks every day.
Regular budget reviews, only buy off plan
Plan the days ahead.
Doing rehab  homework
Doing the agreed amount of cooking
Taking son to/from school
Etc.

Eat proper food no need to be losing weight.

alt80

@PestoPasta first time I’ve spent a bit of time putting the therapy of varying degrees into my calendar. Need to get serious about it. Works with business having the cal to work to do I don’t miss things so hopefully will work with this.

@RelievedSheff thanks mate it is all about the one day at a time tbh right now. 

Finances I’ve arranged for some stuff to be sent back - bought things I don’t need and were never on the plan. Need to stop doing it and if I do it either consequences of paying it back or sending it back. Need to start acting my age lol. 

@RelievedSheff/ @stymied ha just me on the chicken salad for a week lol. Wife still needs to put some weight on and yeah son needs a bit more variety. 

@getmore4less I know mate it’s the reason I’ve spent a few hours in front of the tv throwing in my cal haha put all that in scheduled. My reasoning is I don’t miss jobs/ meetings etc so hopefully it’ll work for me on the personal side which always has been nothing short of a !!!!!! car crash. Read through some of the stuff I write on here and realise it’s just 100% !!!!!! mental - chaos outside of work. No good for me or family. 

Haha as for the weight I’m def trying to avoid getting the middle aged spread mate wife can deal with me owing money but owing money and fat think that really would be the final straw. 

RelievedSheff

You dont need chicken salad either. You can lose weight eating other foods as well.

alt80

End of Day 3 feeling a bit more positive for the week ahead which is fully planned with work/ therapy/ meetings/ cooking and time with my family etc. I literally have no room for spending or drugs so long as I stick with cal and always worked in my professional life. Bluntly, I cannot let my life go on as it has been. I have read some of the things I have written on here when I haven't been too sane shall we just say and reflected on some of the ways I have behaved and things I have said to people whilst using. Tbh I'm completely mortified but I need to keep fighting. I've had two periods of time that I've managed to get into a completely different mindset: lockdown 1 and during my time at the rehab - happen once it can happen again. I failed to spend the time I should have on the aftercare and had expectations I should have been able to manage (threw away all I've been taught as methods to cope in favour of mechanisms less helpful). I know I'm the luckiest man alive to have my family still and it is not fair on my son to grow up with me like I was. He doesn't know what my struggles are with but he knows enough to know I'm not very well in the head, sees how enough normal dads behave through family/ friends to know something is not right with me. Ultimately I don't want him growing up with that heartache and my wife to have to put up with me as I am when I've been using drugs. I don't want the future that will bring either and worked !!!!!! hard over the years to be where I am, it would completely break me to lose my grip on business which I carry on down this road I will at some point no I might about it, I will.

I'm not going to ask for this to be closed but am going to call this diary a day and start a new one: I found previously the financial accountability worked really very well for me (that I've been hiding from recently - hardly want to admit my current situation to myself as tbt I've gone backwards with the amounts owing and whilst wife is doing well selling and I've found a few things to sell this afternoon and do have things to take back overall I have 100% ended the month with more debt than I started it with) and some advice on here has really pushed me to try to start to reassess my life and personal finances for that I will be ever grateful more than I can ever repay. I get a grip on this and sort myself out once and for all things can be good. My spending has been particularly bad since I've been home, it is compulsive and I'm receiving treatment for that too which I fully intend to engage in. Shopping as a form of entertainment should not be something I should be doing. I only need to spend very limited amounts of personal money each month when I'm on my own so I've taken the decision to remove my amex from my wallet and will start using my current account debit card for the limited purchases I need to make each month. The only credit card I have on my person is my company one and I've not had a problem with spending on that yet. My wife and I have decided we need to let the BMW go too, it's another payment we could do without on the personal side. She is going to try an I-Pace which my business can fund and I'm going to stick with my Range Rover. After the other day I'm not really even sure I want another sports car. I've lost one of my oldest friends through trying to move on and get clean tbh it !!!!!! kills me as I really have very few friends left who I don't pay to work for me and I don't really consider staff as real friends although I'd like to think I have a good relationship with them I don't think it can ever be a real friendship.

Hope anyone who's going down to the pub at midnight for opening has a good time.

enthusiasticsaver

I am glad you are feeling a bit more positive and are going to start a new diary for financial accountability. A lot of people find it helpful to have the forum as a sounding board and you know we give it you straight 😉. Sensible decision to trade the BMW for an I pace through the company. The extra monthly amount will just help you get straight sooner. Park the sports car ideas for a few years while you focus on your health and your finances.

Also a good suggestion to remove the credit card from your wallet if you can't trust yourself not to spend. As you say keeping away from shops for entertainment is crucial to remove temptation until you are feeling stronger. Keep working with the pros to keep away from the destructive stuff. 

I certainly don't feel the need to go down the pub at midnight although we have had some friends in tonight for a socially distanced drink or two. I will look out for your new diary. 

alt80

Thanks. Yeah it’s definitely good for accountability. I can’t trust myself with anything right now realise that. Just need to work on the therapy and get to the other side don’t really see another option.

Ha I’ve def been no where near a pub either lol. Would have been in years gone by but not anymore.

Don’t think anyone sets out to be where I’ve got myself 3am in the morning hardly a wink of sleep been on the verge of a panic attack for 2 hours doing all the therapy techniques but not really helping. No wonder my days go !!!!!! badly when this is the quality of my sleep. I’d get on my knees and beg my son to never touch the stuff last thing I want him ending up like me. You’re right I need to focus on my health and finances for my family. Know people on here think I care about no one but myself that’s true when I’ve been on the stuff but not generally. 

woahsoah

Sounds like the best reason to stay off the stuff

Legs21

New diary. New start. New you. Leave these old memories in the past and get on with making new happy memories. With grit, determination and the strength to succeed you’ll smash this 😉

getmore4less

A new diary for just the finance side should be a good idea good budgets are all about the planning and that part of this diary really helped with the self accountability. 

As with the other parts of your life you need to engage the tools that help keep you straight, for now that means much more regular reviews of the finances that remind you what your goals area  and reinforce the think before you spend. 

I still think that a plan that runs along side the current res 5y fix would give stability, the obsessive cold turkey cutback approach is taking too much out and plays into you instant fix mentality that is not healthy, you need room in the budget for these holidays and family days,  with AM day a bit further out.

Ultimately all the things you talk about wanting can only happen when you want them more than you historic alternatives.

Keep that diary packed will help a lot,  if stuck for something to fill a gap put in something  off the program.