First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

By the way stop thinking you know what others are thinking and continue to post on other diaries. If we thought the way you think people think we would have given up on you long ago including your family as well as people  here.

alt80

Back on the treatment wagon today. Not going away from home but going to do what I should have been doing in the first place not going to !!!!!! £9k up the wall. Only reason I keep posting on here I think hope it’s another tool that might make me help to see sense has done with the money. Don’t want to live my life the way I live my life.

ladyholly

Many people have given you the tools on here. What you need is the courage to use them. I dont know that money is your major issue itis your lack of self worth. Until you realise you are a good person who has made mistakes it will be much harder. You dont need to keep punishing yourself. if you have genuinely told your wealthy mate that you dont want any more contact that is a huge step for. I am puzzled by your wife refusing to block him on her phone.

Get back with the programme and do what you need to do and start to look forward not backwards.

getmore4less

I have been surprised as most have held back from what they really thing or been quite gentle

What you get here is a reflection of what you say, honest feedback from broad range of experiences of ordinary people liveing real lives not connected in any way fresh open eyes.

The more honest you are the more honest the feedback and when it trends towards the same things that is a pretty good indicator  it would probably do you good.

I said before it seems to take 4-8 weeks for simple ideas to sink in, problem is you seem to give up on some of the most important ones very quickly as if you think you are fixed.

It has been well established that you need to set routines and stick to them, planning ahead any changes.

Why you did not stick on the program set up from rehab and making sure your weekends are planned by Wednesday is you being a big knobhead.

You keep claiming your goals are,  AM, business and family but you never stop to think is what I am about to do any benefit to  those goals.....

SanguineGina

alt80 said:

Even !!!!!! this for myself used to enjoy contributing to this and other people’s diaries but know exactly what everyone on here thinks of me just a junkie destroying his own family a !!!!!! loser everything I didn’t want to be or set out to be in life don’t suppose anyone does.

Far from it.  An addict in the grip of an addiction.  See the addict part of your brain is putting up an almighty resistance to recovery though.

Considering how blessed other aspects of your life appear to be from your postings, it is almost criminal the amount of self pity you wallow in at times.  All that energy wasted on whining when you could so obviously use it much more productively and postively.  Is that the addiction also though - does it try to make you feel so miserable that you reach for the one thing that will make you feel better?

You have the strength, the support and the means to beat cocaine.  Do it, alt80, really rooting for you.

efes_shareholder

Until you recognise how blessed you are and show some gratitude for what you have in life rather then convincing yourself that both yourself and your life are a failure you will be stuck in this mindset and destroy everything in your personal life.
Eventually people will run out of support , you will drain every ounce of energy they have and they will give up on you.

alt80

@getmore4less definitely worked for the personal money thanks I just need to accept i need to get on with the plan stick with it just being self destructive as I am tbh all about the cars and my home because I know I can’t get in an AM, can’t move house to something better and my time is running out all because of 5ish really !!!!!! stupid years I’ve not even got fond memories of. Owe so much !!!!!! money on the cars I have I can’t just swap the BMW for something else unless I do something through the business and all the cars I can reasonably buy that way aren’t my kind of car. Home wise I’m stuck realistically need a lot more money to move to somewhere I want to make a home for my family, wife doesn’t even want to move and I’m stuck without any hope for the next couple of years anyway. I know what I need to do just can’t do it in the moment because I’m being a ‘big kn*bhead’ haha true. Lot of people in a lot worse situations I know that just gives me the guilt I can’t get over my 5 year plan is paying my debts no cars other than the ones I have, no new home not many if any new units. Scope on the main business to see some positive trajectory but that’s my only positive in life. Son will be a teenager by the time I can move home that kills me. Had all the ideas in my head providing my family with a good life but by the time I can my son will be almost grown. It kills me. Knowing what my immediate future looks like for next 5 years all like this because of the past just makes me do the self destructive stuff. Glad I’ve got a plan because I need it but it kills me.

alt80

@SanguineGina addict part of my brain just says recovery for what? To pay all my debts off and only be able to have a life when my son is a teenager? I want to recover and just forget the past but all I’m doing is paying for past stupidity. Destroying myself though just making the whole thing carry on for even longer. 

No idea how much I want to do the right thing but can’t.

rugbymadfamily

Stop putting this on your wife and son....you have a home that they want to live in, make that your home. Not sure what else you think a young boy needs....he has a private education, a large home, presents galore on birthdays and Christmas, new clothes etc etc. Literally the only thing he needs is you. You present in his life, school runs, kick abouts, walks in the woods, dinner together. There's only so many times we can all say it, but thats all that your son wants. So stop saying that your lifestyle needs to improve for him, because there is nothing material he needs. He just needs his dad.

Grumpelstiltskin

Until you realize that money doesn't bring happiness you are not going to improve.
What makes you think your son wants to live in an even bigger more expensive house?
I am sure he doesn't. It just you putting yourself before the two people who love you, your wife and son.
Are you going to take him to McDonalds?
Or will you come up with another excuse ?