First Steps to Solvency

CRANKY40

Part time work was my choice for my work/life balance though because my son only has one parent now and don't even start me on the lack of availability of school holiday childcare. Yours has two so your choices can be different. Be kind to yourself as well as your staff today. Your son will be OK, just keep showing up. Your wife is a superstar, make sure that you tell her that on a regular basis. Maybe we should add in "Can't own the moon" along side "it won't be easy". I like that as a life quote 😊

Incidentally, opening a savings pot for something while repaying money elsewhere actually does make sense. You put your personal spends into it that you have budgeted for but haven't used each month. That way when the urge to buy something stupid hits the cash is there. If you chuck yours into a savings pot where you can see it you then have a choice right in front of your eyes. Take money out of the pot to buy things that you probably don't need or keep it there towards your main goal. If you read the rest of these boards you will see that as well as debts a lot of people have started budget savings pots for long term goals. I have put away the money to take my son and his partner to London next year (partner has never been, I used to live there so son has been a lot) and my slightly longer term goal is to take myself off to New Orleans and Memphis so I'm saving for that too. It's a reminder that you can have your dreams as well as your real everyday life but sometimes instant gratification is not the way forward.  

Hope you have a better day today.

ladyholly

I hope today is a better day for you. On wards and upwards as they say. I agree with Cranky " cant own the moon " is a good way of looking at things.  Take your son to Maccies after school you dont need to eat anything and can just have a coffee.

warby68

I also still hope for a better day for you, and also for Mrs A who has stepped up quite magnificently. 

I realise I was angry more at the waste of the rehab yesterday and at the pros that let you go for it. You've come out worse in many ways. How much is pure self indulgence and selfishness and how much is uncontrollable addict behaviour we'll never know but its obvious you haven't made much progress at all yet and still need to commit properly to your programme.

That you don't understand your son's behaviour says quite a lot. Its no surprise he has his guard up. He also possibly quite enjoyed having mum to himself and can see how high maintenance you are even if he can't frame it as such. At 7 you expect to be the centre of the world not your 40 year old needy dad.

Is there a way to continue some intense rehab from home, are there day programnmes ? It does feel like you are very selective about what you will and won't do and pick the easy, non -contact stuff over the hard, group, connected to the world stuff. As an admittedly ignorant observer,  I can't help but think time is running out now for you to commit 100% as your wife will only be able to take so much. Watching someone self-destruct, even when you've never met them, is quite painful. 

efes_shareholder

Your issues are much more then solvent abuse , you appear to display manic and obsessive traits , a lack of control over your emotions and ever changing moods.
One thing appears constant , Making impulsive choices , being overly critical of others who are indeed in your boat - not rowing against you as you seem to think and beating yourself up over previous choices but obsessing on how to make similar again.
That is not meant to be a charachter assaination , just what I see when I read your diary. It is overwhelming obvious that you are a good man , but these things are stopping you from being the best you can be and you really need to accept that its perfectly acceptable to be happy with your lot. 
You have a top earner income , a lovely home , thriving business and supportive family but you can't see these things.
You have to continue to aspire to be "better" to reach that next level and all this comes at a risk of self destruction.
At the end of the day , we are all human , we all make mistakes , we all have regrets , we all have situations in life that looking back we wish we had dealt with differently but you know what unless we make mistakes in life we never learn anything and we can't live in the past because it is the one thing about ourselves that we can never change.
You need to commit to being the man you want to be in the future , accept that your debt will not disapear over night and embrace the life you have , basically be happy with your lot.
Whether 9k on rehab was extravagent  is now after the event neither here nor there , its spent , its gone and you move on however you may aswell just have set light to it if you are not going to build on the foundations it has given you. I suspect you may have some kind of bipolar personality and some narcastic traits and you need to recognise that these need to be managed along with your drug addiction.
Today is a new day , make it matter 

stymied

Are you getting overwhelmed by trying to “fix” everything all at once? Are there 2 or 3 things you could choose to do today to move in a positive direction? E.g. 1. Talk to son as ladyholly suggested 2. Tell wife you love her 3. Fully engage in one counselling activity. If you can tick 3 things off I think you can genuinely say it’s been a good day.

Onebrokelady

I'm beginning  to think this whole diary is a windup just to see people's reactions and I don't actually know why you are all still bothering 🤷‍♀️ You are all wasting your time here 

alt80

Not been great this morning, woke up early and phoned my mate early asked if he fancied a run out in the cars. Went over there took his AM out for a run and can confirm it's an absolute weapon. I'm a !!!!!! idiot really, little bit into the drive realised I'm driving £100k worth of AM on third party insurance and had I binned it have no way to pay for it, that took the shine off it 100% completely paranoid for the rest of the drive. He drives like he's on a !!!!!! race track no care in the world so I wasn't exactly hanging around following him in a completely unfamiliar 520bhp manual car idk should have been a dream but never been so relieved to get back in my truck and come home. As I suspected he's not given the other stuff up, I've wound up telling him I'm done with it and done with cars for a bit too only contact he needs isn't me as I don't personally deal with his portfolio. Can't carry on down these roads throwing away the banks' money I've spent on rehab I know on a different day I'd still be there off my !!!!!! head. My son was expecting me taking him to school this morning but I'd !!!!!! off before he was up, wife took him to inlaws for dinner this evening don't blame her. Need to do the therapy and listen to some of you lot on here a bit more have a quiet life for a bit.

stymied

Oh @alt80 Go to the in laws now and apologise to your family!

alt80

@Onebrokelady just seen your post - think what you like mate free world tbf I probably do need to stop brain dumping on here. Engage 'mouth' before brain yep plenty of things I've written on here and wished to delete as I've regretted it later but quoted. Plan in place for the figures; I know what I'm doing there and that's a big thanks to people on here not going to forget that and have a lot of time for all those who have taken time to be a catalyst for me to put that in place so thank you generally. 

@stymied yeah I need to sort my head out and focus on my family, getting this !!!!!! mess sorted and moving on from the past few years.

RelievedSheff

Hmm. Not even sure what to say about this morning but I do think you should go to the in laws and apologise to your wife and son.

I don't think there is much else to say that hasn't been said before sadly.