First Steps to Solvency

alt80

You're right. I need to get myself sorted out. Avoiding the Maccys though fml I've put 2kg on in the rehab and I was !!!!!! careful about how much I ate portions unreal ha but will try rest thanks. Wife needs to put it on and I need to watch I don't get fat. Both wife and I think he was 'ill' rather than ill over the weekend. All my fault I reckon.

Just wrote on someone else's diary here how I deal with staff who've got kids and do you know I finished writing it and thought why do I just !!!!!! it for myself. Means a lot to me to know my staff are able to see their kids grow where possible. Paying them all same little end of lockdown bonus this month - token amount really but will pay for a meal for them and their loved ones. Like treating my staff right but I don't treat those closest to me like I should.

elbree

You're a nice boss @alt80 and clearly a decent guy. 

enthusiasticsaver

I am not surprised your son is "off" with you. Where does he think you have been for the last three weeks? Kids take in more than you think so you may have some relationship building to do with him. 

Compared to the rest of your addictions McDonald's is nothing really. I am glad you can now see that the £9k was over the top. Just think of how much that would be towards your next sports car. As it is you now have to repay that over the next few years in addition to the debt you had before. 

theoretica

I agree that your son is probably feeling unsettled.  You started doing more with him than you had previously and just as he was getting used to enjoying this you go away, then come back and try to pick things up again.  I suspect reliability and stability of your relationship will help him so he knows where he stands.

TheAble

I wouldn't worry too much about your son, he's only 7. I don't remember a great deal of what was going on in my life when I was that age. It'll pass.
You do what you can but ultimately when you're a young parent you've got your business to run, providing for your future and so on. You can't spend every spare minute running around after your kids.

alt80

Going to make sure I'm in bed for midnight writing this with my cham tea then doing the mindfulness in bed, wind down. Sleep is what I need 100%, aim for a better day tomorrow. I need to have a better day tomorrow. Have got work done but didn't stick to the school hours slightly more done than planned so win there at least, locked myself away in the home office though, fell out with my wife. my son tells me I'm a liar and will "leave" again that !!!!!! breaks me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about trying to get away - rehab/ holiday/ moving/ whatever only been able to get it together to get some work done periodically through the day. Move and I take my problems with me covered that in therapy. Don't even know how I manage to function in business some days but somehow always managed to hold it together - suppose I know deep within that I need to function on that level or my life is truly over. Wife resents I put business way before I put her or my son.

I thought I'd stopped worrying about my financial standing and what I have and haven't got so much. It went away in rehab I just wanted the best for my family and similarly best for my business but I got away from there and the yearning to own the !!!!!! world came back worse than ever. My dad is right I'd own the world if I could then I'd want the moon and if I couldn't have the moon that day I realised that my anger levels would be at a !!!!!! 10 for a while. In no position to buy more units now but through the dev block I've gained 3 flats and the block management bit of diversification in my portfolio there nice feeling to think it's become a little more balanced. Actually discussed it in rehab - can't look back and smile just savour it for a bit. Nope I snapped at the counsellor it's not 15. Completely !!!!!! broke down that session, whole time running out thing one day going to get old and die and can't buy anymore units when you're dead. I'm !!!!!! exhausted with life and am horrible to live with because this !!!!!! consumes me. Can't even enjoy the things I do have - when I get them I just want more/ better/ newer. Afraid to let it go in case this !!!!!! stops driving me forward in business and I sit still or go backwards. Nothing tripped me off more than your post @CRANKY40 re the part time work I have and have had staff who've made the same / similar choices and I'm fine with it as an employer so long as it works in the role etc but I was on the verge of a !!!!!! panic attack at the thought of potentially less chance to level up if I did choose to go down the family first route. Not that I think I'm in danger of it lol.

Read back over some of my posts today just now and tbf all I could think is what a !!!!!! I really am not what I want to teach my son and tbh the thought of him treating a girl the way I have !!!!!! kills me. Yeah the half feeling I deserve a higher standard of living and half feeling completely worthless I relate to that 100%. It's been discussed/ challenged in my rehab; I'm meant to do the exercises etc but I get out into the real world and I can't let it go. It does in part lead me to the cocaine which doesn't have the same effect anymore but I've been craving it worse than ever today could !!!!!! smell it, taste it, anticipation at one point earlier and I've not been anywhere near it. Hoping I read this in the morning tomorrow back to myself, make it a catalyst to have a better day not just waste good money after bad on therapy.

getmore4less

Another that had to delete a longer post. rained back to a KISS post

There has been a massive change that needs addressing.

For months you have been saying you can't leave the house, max holidays a week etc.

over the last few months started to appreciate what you have rather then a need to level up to the £1m all good stuff right direction.

Now you can't wait to get away all the time.

Your £9k rehab option set you up for a failure as it was better than being at home,  which is ironic as you can't afford it ,  that's what the footballers popstars go for when they need rehab. 

The home office needs to move somewhere else in the house, you cannot go back to the old habit of retreating there because real life is getting a bit hard.

Wife what can anyone say,  she is saving your A**e  on this, show some respect.

The druggy in you is doing those  destructive things again to set you back.



 

woahsoah

"Levelling up" takes time. It also won't happen by working an extra 4 hours a day. Work out your hourly rate and figure out what cost you're willing to sacrifice "family time" for. My own "levelling up" has happened through investments over time. As you talk about levels, I imagine I'm a few "levels up" (although I don't know how to quantify this by your definition) yet I look at your success and think I'd like some of that independence. Can you see? If I am on a higher level yet still desire what you have then the search for levelling up is a futile one. I understand this is rational thought though.

RelievedSheff

It's a fresh new day. Here's hoping it's a good one for you Alt.

ladyholly

Your son has hit it on the head. You are a liar and will leave again. Not that I am saying you are a liar but you are wanting to leave again. How can he trust you, he has possibly overheard discussions with your wife about going back to rehab/ going on  a trip. I have always found a simplified version of the truth works best for children. Persist, be consistent, show him you love him and care about him even when its not reciprocal and give him an explaination about the struggles you are having. They dont need to be detailed  Daddy is having a hard time ccoping with all the things he has to do and it is making me feel very poorly for instance. I am sure your are intelligent enough to come up with something and your wife needs to be on the same page.. He will come round.

I was interested in you comment re your wife finding more stuff to sell. So she has to get rid of her stuff but you are not required to return a jacket that you dont need. I really dont know what is going on in your head sometimes.

I still think you are in some ways being self indulgent as in everything is about you and what you want and need. Your family is doing their best to support you but all all you are doing is slapping them in the face because its not enough (just my opinion). I can tell you living with someone who  has any kind of mental health problem is bl***dy hard as you know from reading some other diaries on here. It makes you selfish as though your needs are greater than theirs, they are not. Stop looking inwards and start living in the real world you might find it is a good place to be.