First Steps to Solvency

KxMx

Congratulations on completing rehab, even the luxury package cannot have been easy.

I know I've said this before but please speak to a Dr about a mental health assessment. It could be an underlying condition fuelling your way of thinking and up/down feelings, and drugs were a way you tried to cope with those symptoms. 

If you were diagnosed with something although hard it could be a relief, knowing it's the illness and not something you've done or haven't done.

I'm not trying to encourage health anxiety, I'm far from expert but I do think a consult with a mental health professional would be worthwhile.

Maybe sound out your wife or other people who know you well "I'm not making excuses for my drug use but do you think maybe I have an underlying illness... ' and see what they say. 

woahsoah

alt80 said:

@woahsoah no !!!!!! chance am I doing that mate lol.

Why? out of interest.

alt80

Probably need to get off my phone really lol. Have at least got a bit of work out the way just waiting for matey now ha.

@KxMx just don’t know anything else and complete life change is really !!!!!! hard mate. Ultimately that’s what it is for me a total life change which there are elements of that I don’t want to change. I don’t want to have anything to do with drugs or drinking anymore but I still want to have a car, live in a nice house and be well presented. Seems I need to become some scruffy miser and never buy a car again. That is 100% not for me, I don’t want to turn into some saint or martyr. I am in a way making light of something that wasn’t easy trying to see the better side and knowing I was getting towards being ok in there - no external pressures. It was a nice place to be very peaceful, quiet and relaxing outside the intense hours. 

@woahsoah I don’t need or want her to manage my finances mate. Seen it many times when blokes let their Mrs deal with the personal - it becomes all about their needs and wants. Not every time granted but many times.

@stymied and the rest lol mainly funded by my health ins. It is like a retreat with therapy iyswim no spa until Monday because of BoJo though. Wife probably won’t be happy for me to go back but I think I need to see what pros say this afternoon.

RelievedSheff

Going back into rehab is the easy option. What do you think will have changed when you come back out of hiding in another three weeks?

Nothing. Other than you will have racked up yet more debt that will put the purchase of the AM back even further.

I am not surprised that your wife isn't happy. You have essentially squandered £9k whilst she has been trying her best to make huge changes to her lifestyle.

You need to get a grasp of reality. Reality is not in a sheltered bubble in a swanky rehab unit. Reality is being face to face with your demons and battling them for the better. By all means contact the professionals when you need their help and you feel you are not coping, but do that from your home not from a clinic.

warby68

I've changed my mind about the VIP rehab being worth it. Firstly wasn't expecting £9k extra for only 3 weeks, just a room upgrade or something,  and more importantly it turned it into a luxury escape for you to indulge yourself with. It was another way to avoid real life when you desperately need a programme to reconnect you with it. Its the avoidance and indulgence you want more of, always the easy way out.

You don't need to go all hair shirt and pretend that's what people are telling you. They aren't. All this endless whinging about cars and houses and levels and how its the only way you know how to live is back with such a vengeance. As is the blatant male chauvinism. How insulting to say women make family finances about them when clearly you've made everything all about you for years. Being crap and selfish with money is not gender specific, as you should flipping know.

I really hope the rehab has done the job with the drugs because it seems to have put you back to square one on other stuff.

getmore4less

I had a post yesterday, got logged out so it would not post could not be bother to sort that out and repost so I have had more time to think and more to cover..
You are letting the basic go and old demon habits control you.

You said the £300 is ok as it's on budget!
How can you know that as you have just had a overspend of 10% of annual that is not on the plan which means everything needs adjusting and it will be the discretionary like your clothes budget that has to take most of the hit.

You should not be spending on things like clothes till you know what the new budget looks like.
As for not spent anything for ages that does not matter you have not needed to and still have plenty of clothes to last a few years.
Back 19th Sept you said.

@getmore4less I don’t need to do a clothes audit to know we’ve got everything we need and more. Might find some more stuff to sell though tbf. 

then you said in oct 

Clothes – I’ve bought stuff for the sake of it tbh. It’s not like I’ve not got this or that it’s more I want to buy, clothes aren’t that expensive – well it’s not a car lol and fancy something in a different colour etc. Agree about the principle but the stuff I’ve bought this month is more an issue of I need to keep away from shops as a form of entertainment. 

Back to the old habits,  no way can you have worn out your stuff since Sept that things need replacing.
Its not about the cost it is about the need and priorities 
Is a jacket you don't need higher than that AM?
£300 is what 0.5%-1% of an AM? 

If you feel the need to go into town,  just window shop or if you have to go into a shop  there was a Primark closer to Zara than Reiss.   

Every spend is another step away from that AM,  you need to get your priorities in order

The way things are going you should put a ongoing amount in the budget  for residential rehab  but drop the VIP that is just feeding you must have the best  an excuse to spend demon.

How much did they cover the need to go VIP?
That spend £9k for the top end, is a significant part of your underlying problems 

Your wife's magic money tree is saving you short term but that won't last forever.


Your accountant should be judging you that what you pay them for, if the cashflow is good then the retained pot will recover quite quickly if you don't raid it again.

On the housing market, the transaction numbers tell the story.
https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/monthly-property-transactions-completed-in-the-uk-with-value-40000-or-above

last march they fell of the cliff and since sept when they got back to normal it has been catchup. 
YonY April-March are back to normal levels with March close to double the previous March.

Where it goes next is a guess but these levels are not sustainable April should be good but maybe there will be a fall back to more normal levels over the rest of the year and maybe under shoot a bit, 

woahsoah

Good luck with the post rehab stuff anyway! Going to be intriguing how it all goes. I'll certainly be following. Talking of property I just sold a London property I've owned since 2008. 550k cap gain since I bought it. The market is strong! It is incredibly tempting to sell another one I have but better to keep a foot in London property.

getmore4less

stymied said:

Apart from the therapy the rehab sounds like an amazing £3K per person per week 5* all inclusive holiday. I wish I could have a holiday away from real life too.

There will be costs the health insurance covered as well, wonder what it would have been for the basic accommodation element rather than the full VIP top up.

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

Probably need to get off my phone really lol. Have at least got a bit of work out the way just waiting for matey now ha.

@KxMx just don’t know anything else and complete life change is really !!!!!! hard mate. Ultimately that’s what it is for me a total life change which there are elements of that I don’t want to change. I don’t want to have anything to do with drugs or drinking anymore but I still want to have a car, live in a nice house and be well presented. Seems I need to become some scruffy miser and never buy a car again. That is 100% not for me, I don’t want to turn into some saint or martyr. I am in a way making light of something that wasn’t easy trying to see the better side and knowing I was getting towards being ok in there - no external pressures. It was a nice place to be very peaceful, quiet and relaxing outside the intense hours. 

@woahsoah I don’t need or want her to manage my finances mate. Seen it many times when blokes let their Mrs deal with the personal - it becomes all about their needs and wants. Not every time granted but many times.

@stymied and the rest lol mainly funded by my health ins. It is like a retreat with therapy iyswim no spa until Monday because of BoJo though. Wife probably won’t be happy for me to go back but I think I need to see what pros say this afternoon.

You are still looking at extremes, it's not about not spending anything but living within your means, and that's different for everyone.
Pre rehab the jacket was budgeted, but presumably some changes need to be made to the budgets post rehab. 
If your wife has to make sacrifices then you do too if it's going to be an equal partnership

getmore4less

RelievedSheff said:

Going back into rehab is the easy option. What do you think will have changed when you come back out of hiding in another three weeks?

Nothing. Other than you will have racked up yet more debt that will put the purchase of the AM back even further.

I am not surprised that your wife isn't happy. You have essentially squandered £9k whilst she has been trying her best to make huge changes to her lifestyle.

You need to get a grasp of reality. Reality is not in a sheltered bubble in a swanky rehab unit. Reality is being face to face with your demons and battling them for the better. By all means contact the professionals when you need their help and you feel you are not coping, but do that from your home not from a clinic.

Interesting analogy there well spotted I missed it.

Last 5 years the drug den that is the home office has been the hiding place from real life.
hide away in there when thing are going off, hide away from the family in the evenings and pack the wife of to the inlaws at the weekends.

New hiding place, VIP residential rehab.
if you go back it should  the cheapest residential top up or none if covered by the insurance.