First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Oh dear. Old habits die hard. 

ladyholly

Do you have other jackets if so take it back. How many do you need?

Humdinger1

alt80 said:

I know I need this out of my life tbh. My wife won't block him after she told him she was doing so and he sent her some worrying messages, we both think he was manipulating her but don't suppose you ever know. No she's not flirting with him ha tbh she's really serious about this being a new start for us. Me letting the side down again getting caught up in what I don't have rather than concentrating on what I do again. 

@downshifted I suppose I mean I'd swap his position in life use the money to make a go at things move away maybe idk. Would def be easy for him to. Never known debt for anything haha so def not paying for his past stupidity.

Alt what do you mean by worrying messages? Is he threatening to hurt himself or someone else??! If the latter, call the police.  If the former, can you contact his parents or even one of his former friends just for moral support? There's probably more stories like the one re his ex wife floating around.  Your wife needs to block him urgently.   He does totally want to destroy you, drag you into the gutter with him.  Please don't throw away everything you have going and all the work you've just done.  Plus the money....

Grumpelstiltskin

Right Alt I will get straight to the point - no messing around.

You have wasted £9000.

You have no intention of changing.

You are just making excuses.
Why you won't cut all contact with your ' friend '
Why you wanted a new jacket
etc etc.
How long will it be before you ' need ' drugs, alcohol .................
I am sorry to say all of this but I just hope I am wrong it's up to you to prove me wrong. I will be very happy if you do prove me wrong.

alt80

Sent the money off to BC. No July deadlines to meet now and no spends for a bit have to rein it in a bit really. 

Sure plenty on here have had a few post-lockdown spends? It’s £295 - hardly a !!!!!! fortune, tbf I’ve not bought any new clothes since last year and not even over my budget for clothes spends. Taste of freedom 100% - I’ve not even been anywhere near a shop for months until today and I’m not going to pretend otherwise that tbh I’ve had a good time. Family time too. 

Ultimately I live and work in a city and who the !!!!!! lives in a city if they don’t like the shops? No pubs visited, no drinks apart from a decaf coffee. I’m off the coke for life 100% money definitely not wasted there as I’m done with it. 

warby68

You were dreading everywhere being open and the temptations it would lead to.
Yet you're wandering round the shops just like everyone told you not to. An after school shop wander involves sweets and maybe a burger, not a £300 jacket for dad just because its there. That's not family time. That's taking son on your shopping trip.
Hope the drugs are sorted I really do, but the unwillingness to change the rest seems as strong as ever, especially about the destructive 'friend'. You have an excuse for everything. Next you'll be deferring paying the debt and squeezing the AM in. I bet that BMW goes nowhere until you've found a way to have a second car you really like.
Sorry @alt80 you're making me nervous. This feels a lot like old alt. I thought rehab would have gone further with the mindsets and destructive behaviours (that ultimately lead to drug taking).  I do know our friend was away for 6 weeks and then an outpatient for another month and therapy long after. Have you done as much as you should?

I really really want to be wrong here. Please convince me.

enthusiasticsaver

If the Jacket is needed and within your budget then your call as to what you spend your money on. If not then you are wasting money again but the only people that hurts are you and your wife. You are trying to rectify your finances which are already £9k down due to your rehab upgrade so spending mindlessly won't help.

I think you need to be careful you aren't going down the destructive behaviour path again. Your wife has done well on selling stuff so it sounds like you should be doing the same if you don't want her efforts to be wasted. She sells a top of your sons for £10 and you throw thirty times that amount on a jacket you probably did not need. 

alt80

@warby68 You're right I was dreading it. Tbf it was a bit of an impulse said let's have a walk around town. As for my purchase wife was trying on in Zara, massive queue so I went to Reiss. Liked the jacket and got my wallet out for the first time in a !!!!!! long time -  I wasn't taking my son on my shopping trip at all it was an impulse purchase. Seems alright in your eyes for Sheff to spend £45k on a van though lol.

I'm paying my debts off, cleared my cards before the deadline and no I won't be deferring current cards to buy an AM. Admitted I might live on the 0% for a while to clear the balloon on the RR and buy an AM maybe 2023 but idk nothing set in stone there. Need a while away from cars. Re BMW idk I've parked the decision for a month, don't want to think about it tbh alternatives def aren't exciting me.

I've still got things going on with the rehab. Couldn't have stayed for longer - I agreed to step up to the residential for 3 weeks. Had a good time generally it was peaceful though the therapy was intense and now I need a bit of a release tbh life didn't open for me until this week you've all had 4 weeks longer. I'm doing the stuff I need to do for the ongoing and trying to spend time with my family too. Been on and off with substance therapy for 6 months now and tbh I never want to touch the stuff again seen it for what it is 100%.

@enthusiasticsaver thanks it's been taken off my budget. Not needed really but I like it and will wear it. Don't intend to sell anything of mine.

warby68

You and Sheff and the issues are completely different. Its not comparing apples with apples. 

For you, its not the £300 spend in itself, its the patterns and risks that come with it. No we haven't gone spending actually even with the extra 4 weeks. No interest. More interested in seeing people we've missed and getting to travel a bit wider tbh at the moment. TBF, never was a huge shopper though and I've worked in a big city centre for over 25 years lol. Like experiences more than things if that makes sense. I'm no saint though - if I wander round JL I can find a hundred things I want and become dissatisfied with what I do have but if I don't they don't even enter my head. That was a lesson well learnt a while ago.

I still hope I'm wrong (or at least get you cross enough to think even more about it ) but be careful @alt80. Traipsing round the shops straight out of rehab just seems wrong. You're still looking for your old pleasures first. And not ditching the bad mate feels like you're keeping him in reserve. 

Glad you're  having ongoing treatment - hope it covers aspects wider than the addiction. And you do seem circumspect on the budget for now.

Fingers crossed you get your cabine fever out of the way and it all settles down

alt80

No way should I be wide awake now. Had the chamomile tea, pills and the spray. Absolutely whacked but back to not being able to sleep properly fml. Know I need to !!!!!! the cards off, get the car debts paid and leave a lot of things in the past. Lead a horse to water 100% ha tbh I’m not in a great place all well and good saying this is recovery but I can’t really remember a time I didn’t participate in something in an addictive way. Even !!!!!! work has been addictive to me now I either have to live with it or am absolutely paralysed to do anything. Got the accountant meeting tomorrow far too many bizarre irrational thoughts and weird panic/ anxiety for no !!!!!! reason whatsoever. Know roughly where things are and that things are ok.

Mrs is being a superstar and I’m letting her down again idk why. In touch with the pros and need to stay working with them I know. Don’t even want to touch any substances tbf but being home is whole different level. Shouldn’t have gone into town thought !!!!!! it and did it anyway. Had a good time tbf but it’s no good for me and can’t really move either just going to have to stick with being too close to town. Seriously thinking about just !!!!!! off to some quiet village enjoy walks with my boy, wife and my dog. I’d like that but stuck in !!!!!! NG3 no countryside location.