First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Get the accountant meeting over and I’m asking to go back in can’t be there forever I know. 100% can’t afford that, wish I could but I can’t deal with being here. Don’t want to touch any substances now but definitely afraid that might not be the case tomorrow. Pros have been brilliant it’s me who’s the problem know that. Idk why im writing this on here get the thought out of my head and hopefully sleep lol.

woahsoah

300 quid on a jacket is fine but in the past you've been very vocal about how you want to clear the debts asap and moaned about your wife not doing her bit in cutting spending. It's fine to say "My money my rules" but doesn't do well for a relationship which is supposed to be a team. It seems fair you should have to sell the 300 quid equivalent worth of stuff.

If you don't want to clear the debts asap that is fine too but you can't spend 300 quid and moan to everyone that the debts are hanging over your head.

ladyholly

alt80 said:

Get the accountant meeting over and I’m asking to go back in can’t be there forever I know. 100% can’t afford that, wish I could but I can’t deal with being here. Don’t want to touch any substances now but definitely afraid that might not be the case tomorrow. Pros have been brilliant it’s me who’s the problem know that. Idk why im writing this on here get the thought out of my head and hopefully sleep lol.

Does this mean you want to go back into rehab. You cannot run away from your problems. Like the rest of us you have to learn to deal with real life even when its hard. You have been given the tools and are receiving on going support especially from your wife. It now not a question of letting your wife down it you that you are letting down. The excuse you wanted a jacket because you havent had anything new since last year really doesnt wash unless you needed a jacket. What is really important to you you. Your mate, pointless spending etc or a life with your family and having peace of mind. You know there is no instant fix and I am sorry to say the last few posts sound like the old alt full of excuses for poor choices.

No one can change things for you except you. People can encourage and support but ultimately it is upo to you. You cannot change unlees you really want to and are prepared to fight every day for it.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@warby68 You're right I was dreading it. Tbf it was a bit of an impulse said let's have a walk around town. As for my purchase wife was trying on in Zara, massive queue so I went to Reiss. Liked the jacket and got my wallet out for the first time in a !!!!!! long time -  I wasn't taking my son on my shopping trip at all it was an impulse purchase. Seems alright in your eyes for Sheff to spend £45k on a van though lol.

I'm paying my debts off, cleared my cards before the deadline and no I won't be deferring current cards to buy an AM. Admitted I might live on the 0% for a while to clear the balloon on the RR and buy an AM maybe 2023 but idk nothing set in stone there. Need a while away from cars. Re BMW idk I've parked the decision for a month, don't want to think about it tbh alternatives def aren't exciting me.

I've still got things going on with the rehab. Couldn't have stayed for longer - I agreed to step up to the residential for 3 weeks. Had a good time generally it was peaceful though the therapy was intense and now I need a bit of a release tbh life didn't open for me until this week you've all had 4 weeks longer. I'm doing the stuff I need to do for the ongoing and trying to spend time with my family too. Been on and off with substance therapy for 6 months now and tbh I never want to touch the stuff again seen it for what it is 100%.

@enthusiasticsaver thanks it's been taken off my budget. Not needed really but I like it and will wear it. Don't intend to sell anything of mine.

Me buying a van which we will use extensively for holidays and weekends away for many years to come and you buying a £300 jacket on impulse that you will probably never wear are two completely different things.

Quite why you feel the need to compare them I don't really know?

Our situations could not be more different and we both have struggles in different departments. Please don't compare my situation to your own. I didn't impulse buy a £45k vehicle!

alt80

Think I’ve managed about 2-3 hours sleep. Not well and Mrs not happy with me re potential cost for going back. If the health ins won’t cover it it’s very expensive gave me the full cannot afford that chat. Don’t feel in danger of having a coke relapse but I’m failing to cope here. Need to deal with my meeting and see.

@woahsoah I’ve got something wrong with me completely compulsive spending. £300 not the end of the world mate I know it’s my attitude towards it. Could go back today and spend a lot more than that idk I’m meant to be avoiding shops whole !!!!!! host of therapy activities I managed to ignore yesterday.

@ladyholly yeah I want to go back. Know I can’t stay there forever but it’s much more peaceful. I can’t cope here going to have to find some way to move further from town. No point living in a city if I can’t enjoy it. Spent a little time in the silly hours looking just something similar value not really seen anything but I need out.

@RelievedSheff it’s not you mate.

warby68

alt80 said:

Get the accountant meeting over and I’m asking to go back in can’t be there forever I know. 100% can’t afford that, wish I could but I can’t deal with being here. Don’t want to touch any substances now but definitely afraid that might not be the case tomorrow. Pros have been brilliant it’s me who’s the problem know that. Idk why im writing this on here get the thought out of my head and hopefully sleep lol.

You have had help with substances but not enough with the rest yet. That seems to be the situation. If anything hiding away in luxury (and you seem focussed on the luxury escape and how much you enjoyed it rather than the treatment) has made them worse judging by your responses which seem very much a backward step.

You really don't/won't help yourself as much as you need to. Your wife will only have so much patience and rightly so. Your spend was a bit of a slap in her face. Don't go shopping/ditch the mate/concentrate on things in life that don't directly cost. Its not rocket science. You must have said 100 times now you know its up to you but never exactly why you won't do it. One conclusion would be you don't actually want to change and are hoping for the elusive miracle that means you can carry on but it will all be OK. It won't.

Anyway good luck for today with the accountant and hope you have some more constructive thoughts on the personal side, rather than excuses. 

enthusiasticsaver

This was never going to be easy but you have to learn to live in the real world and that means facing your demons and turning your back on the self destructive behaviour. Whether it is a £300 jacket or a £100k car you should not be doing anything mindlessly or on impulse.

I too am not sure why you are comparing your situation to Relieved Sheffield as her situation is completely different and she makes a good point that her van purchase was budgeted and considered first. You could also argue that you have presumably a personal spends budget and as I said if it was in budget no one can argue with that. Can you honestly say though that you thought about it and decided this was the best way to spend £300 rather than it be you reverting to type and splashing the cash just because you could much as you used to pre lockdown? Similar to you insisting on the rehab upgrade and spending £9k unnecessarily for 3 weeks when presumably a more basic programme would be cheaper? It is about getting value from your purchases. You weren't in rehab to have a good time. It was to give you tools to learn to live in your real world and you are not getting good value from that if the minute you go into town you reach for credit cards as you used to. That is your previous learned behaviour pre lockdown. Also the not listening to your wife and ignoring her wish that you sell something to cover the cost. Presumably £19.99 is quite restrained for her? Why can't you do the same? 

 Making excuses about having to spend simply because you live in a city really won't wash either. Everything you do you have a choice on. It may be harder for you to exercise self control because of your personality and conditioned behaviour but this is why you went to rehab. To learn how to make better decisions. You can't lock yourself away each time you find that tough. 

ladyholly

Is hiding, and yes thats what you will be doing, an answer? The same impulses will still be there when you come out unless you genuinly want to change your mind set.  If you go back in dont go for the luxury bit. First it will be cheaper and hopefully less like a holiday. You wife must be so disappointed in you after all her work on sellingstuff and supporting you.

The qestion you need to ask is do I want to change. It seems that the answer is no but I can run away - go to rehab, buy a new house in a different area . All designed to take the responsibility for your actions away from you as is attacking sheff for a planned spend which will give them pleasure for many years rather than rewalising that buying a jacket is an impulse buy that you dont really need.

enthusiasticsaver

I would also say that not all of us have been rushing out to shops the minute lockdown started easing. We have been seeing people more and eaten outside in pubs/cafes a few times weather permitting and gone back to the gym/pool and travelled further afield. Spending in shops is not my thing though so freely admit that and I don't live in a city. If you enjoy shopping and can afford it then that is your choice on how to spend your time and money. 

I would imagine the accountant visit will be fine given your business is doing ok so why are you worrying about that?  The extra debt due to rehab upgrade will just take longer to clear. If you are fine about that then again that is your choice. If your wife disagreed with you though and you did not listen and take her opinions into consideration that is on you. You both need to be working as a team not you do as you wish and she just has to do what you say. She is doing her bit so you must do yours. 

alt80

Just don’t think staying home is the right thing for me right now it’s tripping me off and I feel !!!!!! trapped here in some ways. Will be hard for me to find the SDLT tbt moving - doesn’t feel that realistic but I think would be good for me, give me a proper fresh start. Can go back there do the therapy and the spa opens Monday. Food is on point no responsibility there. Hang out there until I could move if I could. Meant to be taking my wife away for anniversary next week but idk just feel completely tripped off I’ve not got a car to go in.

Mrs is !!!!!! angry with me no school run today lol.

Meeting tripping me off as reserves are very low with portfolio refinance which yeah again all my fault hangover from the stupid refinance - income is strong but I’m !!!!!! dreading seeing him in person. He judges me 100% everyone !!!!!! does.