First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

Both doing the school run could be good, wife can engage doing the school gate mums thing and your face gets seen in a positive role,  also good family time if you are not desperate to get to work I think you said it was walking distance so you could do that on nice days.

No quick fix on repairing those school related contacts,  give it the time it needs, no hiding away from now on.
Same with the PIL when invited go.  

Remember you get good at things with practice,  parenting and family man are no different, the more you do it the better you get.

ladyholly

I do think you should do more than think about binning your mate. Perhaps go and have a chat with his parents to explain why  (if you can see them without him being around), I was thinking about him this morning while I walked to the shops and thought he is no different to the homeless junkies I see in our town centre as he has nothing that hasnt been given to him. I assume he doesnt have a job of any description. Now if I suggested that you made friends with them you would probably laugh in my face yet the only difference is that he has been born into money and looks respectable.  I understand you have known him a long time and probably have had good times together but sometimes you have to bin things for your own peace of mind.

You and Mrs Alt have so much going for you and to look forward to that it would be awful for someone else to destroy it all.

You are doing well and going to school is a big step forward for you.

Keep up the good work with the tools you have been given and Mrs Alt is doing an amazing job with her selling.

Kakiste

Just dropped in to say that I think your wife's attitude is brilliant. The '£10 back in our pockets' comment is fantastic and really shows how much she's shifted her attitude given previous comments about £500 personal spending money not being enough etc. 

Onebrokelady

I would go and speak to his parents and be totally honest, tell them you have just completed rehab and that he needs to as well, if you don't deal with him now you will have just wasted £9000 on rehab that is going to fail. Take no notice of his "worrying messages" unless they are a threat to you or your family on which case go to the police, if he is threatening to do himself in leave him to it , he sounds too selfish to actually carry anything out. He needs a clear message that you can't be friends with him unless he changes his ways completely 

alt80

Been on my first job for nearly a month fml what is this weather lol. Bojo needs to get the Starbucks open properly now never mind the 17th. Rain so bad I’ve had to sit in my car to eat my lunch. Ordered the decaf, still not even touched a proper cup of coffee lol. Said to wife on the phone if this had been lockdown 1 no one would be reminiscing.

@RelievedSheff/ @kakiste thanks. Being on here def inspired me to cook a bit more didn’t used to cook ever but do quite enjoy it. Re wife idk what’s wrong with her too much time round her mum and dad probably but I’m not complaining.

@getmore4less morning better for me than afternoon going forwards. It’s walkable but not just down the road can walk to office from school too might have a plan there. No !!!!!! chance in this weather though lol. 

The school parents aren’t on my radar mate, bigger fish to fry than that tbh they can think what they like up to them. 

You’re right re practice but acknowledging I’m someone who needs to practice being part of a family fml haha true though. 

@ladyholly / @Onebrokelady thanks. I know where you’re coming from. His parents are getting on and have some health problems I’m not going to bother them, they’ve had enough heartache. Not really got a job as such never has had any position other than dealing with his family assets on and off tbf if you met him I’m sure he’d tell you he’s a property developer and I suppose he is of sorts. 

@Onebrokelady yeah that’s what he’s threatening. He reckons he’s given it up for good yesterday afternoon apparently never going to touch it again lol should have a ‘sober meet up’ (in a pub no less 😆) on the 17th fml emailed back to say I’m giving it a miss.

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Been on my first job for nearly a month fml what is this weather lol. Bojo needs to get the Starbucks open properly now never mind the 17th. Rain so bad I’ve had to sit in my car to eat my lunch. Ordered the decaf, still not even touched a proper cup of coffee lol. Said to wife on the phone if this had been lockdown 1 no one would be reminiscing.

@RelievedSheff/ @kakiste thanks. Being on here def inspired me to cook a bit more didn’t used to cook ever but do quite enjoy it. Re wife idk what’s wrong with her too much time round her mum and dad probably but I’m not complaining.

@getmore4less morning better for me than afternoon going forwards. It’s walkable but not just down the road can walk to office from school too might have a plan there. No !!!!!! chance in this weather though lol. 

The school parents aren’t on my radar mate, bigger fish to fry than that tbh they can think what they like up to them. 

You’re right re practice but acknowledging I’m someone who needs to practice being part of a family fml haha true though. 

@ladyholly / @Onebrokelady thanks. I know where you’re coming from. His parents are getting on and have some health problems I’m not going to bother them, they’ve had enough heartache. Not really got a job as such never has had any position other than dealing with his family assets on and off tbf if you met him I’m sure he’d tell you he’s a property developer and I suppose he is of sorts. 

@Onebrokelady yeah that’s what he’s threatening. He reckons he’s given it up for good yesterday afternoon apparently never going to touch it again lol should have a ‘sober meet up’ (in a pub no less 😆) on the 17th fml emailed back to say I’m giving it a miss.

Thought that might be the case. I had someone hold me to ransom once by threatening that, I ignored it and she is still around, last time I saw her on FB she had got married and was really happy,obviously it's taking a risk but at the time this person was threatening the happiness of my family and my children so I had to take steps to put a stop to it. I'm quite hard hearted though so it wasn't too difficult a choice to make. 

downshifted

Your “mate” is responsible for his own actions, not you. I understand your respect for his parents, and I don’t think you need to involve them. Email him saying following Rehab you need a fresh start, you’re focusing only on family for the future and this is necessary for your own health and wellbeing. You’re staying out of touch from now on for the sake of your health and the future of your family. If he cares about you he will understand.

 But he doesn’t so he won’t. Then send all his future emails straight to junk without opening them and block him from your mobiles. If he calls the house phone don’t pick up (assuming you have caller ID) or if he gets through just say please don’t call I’m having to put my health and my family first now. Then disconnect. If his parents make enquiries send them a copy of the email. Ditch his business, and be prepared to go down the harassment route if he doesn’t get the message. After all his ex wife did. Move on with your life and leave this dreadful bad influence behind. Self preservation is essential.

 I had to let go of a totally draining friendship a while ago. It feels very uncomfortable at first but then you realise how much easier your life is once they’re out of it.

alt80

Fml I need to be !!!!!! banned from going anywhere near a shop. Had a walk round town just meant to be browsing after school and a coffee. Wife spent £19.99 in Zara and I’ve walked away spending £295 on a jacket. At least we didn’t walk in Flannels for the wife’s Balmain lol. Won’t be going for a ‘window shop’ after school again soon ha. Tbf won’t be taking the jacket back I’ll wear it 100% but the wife wants me to sell something of mine to pay for it haha think she’s serious lol.

Going to get the money sent to the card after dinner before I spend it twice ha.

@downshifted thanks yeah I need to think about it.

warby68

Why oh why are you doing the behaviours that lead you down the wrong path? You said they would before rehab but you're doing it anyway.
I think your wife is right.
You're back on the spends - the VIP rehab gave you a taste again. Please prove me wrong.

stymied

I thought you were keeping hold of your budget to give your wife some extra at the end of the year @alt80