First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

alt80 said:

@Nicnak thanks, you’re right I know. Tbh I think the whole AM thing is tripping me off, get out of the rehab and this weekend my mate invites me to some AM event later this year. I’ve been looking at them yesterday just a V8V know I’m not getting in a Vanquish or something lol - know I can’t get one. Completely !!!!!! trips me off as 100% the reason I can’t is past spending and the rest. Don’t want to go through the figures to confirm it and I can’t deal with working on some aggressive growth strategy either not that I think there’s anything aggressive enough to get me in an AM this/ next summer. Tbh I’m actually looking to take another member of staff on fairly soon to ease the amount of fee earners I need to turn. I’ve just not been coping for a long time and can’t carry on as I was.

Knowing I am right, and accepting it isn't as straightforward as just going 'okay' either. I know that. You have to see it in yourself and that is the biggest barrier. 
The AM will be there in the future. 
No, you can't carry on and another member of staff will help ease that, but you also can't carry on thinking you aren't good enough because you don't have a certain car make. 
It's so easy me saying this, I also know that. I find it difficult to see value in myself and yet others tell me all the time. It doesn't mean it sinks in. You need to work on this as otherwise you will carry on feeling like you are a failure and every other person reading this does not see that. 

getmore4less

Its pretty simple really.
We can't be good at everything and do everything, we employ people to do stuff for us either directly or indirectly.

Most of your burnout comes from trying to do to much and spending to much time doing unproductive(work) activities at the wrong times of the day.

Coupled that with the I want it yesterday just elevates stress levels.

I had a wake up early last night so watched a gardner's world and MD was working on purple sprouting broccoli....
Sow the seeds now and the rewards are early next year when it starts sprouting 

The business has shown how robust it is,  build on that look for those organic growth opportunities that bring in the rewards over time, along side those shorter term projects that can give extra injections but only picking the good ones.

You should be savouring that you can create free time and use that for productive activities like family, thinking about what else you can delegate and growth opportunities

The fall back to fee earners is OK to an extent as that was the bread and butter that got you where you are today(you also like doing them) problem is if you take on too many you overload yourself, short term bursts to manage the sick and holidays or a job that is just to good to let go is fine but be careful.

If there are aspects of the business you struggle with we are back to getting help,  mentors or even your own people.
The first step is working out where you need that help.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@Nicnak thanks, you’re right I know. Tbh I think the whole AM thing is tripping me off, get out of the rehab and this weekend my mate invites me to some AM event later this year. I’ve been looking at them yesterday just a V8V know I’m not getting in a Vanquish or something lol - know I can’t get one. Completely !!!!!! trips me off as 100% the reason I can’t is past spending and the rest. Don’t want to go through the figures to confirm it and I can’t deal with working on some aggressive growth strategy either not that I think there’s anything aggressive enough to get me in an AM this/ next summer. Tbh I’m actually looking to take another member of staff on fairly soon to ease the amount of fee earners I need to turn. I’ve just not been coping for a long time and can’t carry on as I was.

posted before seeing this.
Called that one,  if the business is there get someone in better if you can be selective, being there to pick up slack rather than a core fee earner.

What about a less experienced person, make use of your mentoring skills to bring them on? 

ON the AM I think I have suggested before that you try to park that for a while  from the numbers you have shown us I think there is one in your future,  problem is it is a big distraction on dealing with the more important stuff.

downshifted

alt80 
Tbh I think the whole AM thing is tripping me off, get out of the rehab and this weekend my mate invites me to some AM event later this year. I’ve been looking at them yesterday just a V8V know I’m not getting in a Vanquish or something lol - know I can’t get one. Completely !!!!!! trips me off as 100% the reason I can’t is past spending and the rest. Don’t want to go through the figures to confirm it and I can’t deal with working on some aggressive growth strategy either not that I think there’s anything aggressive enough to get me in an AM this/ next summer. 

Is this the toxic”mate” who is clearly bent on your destruction alongside his own? If so, didn’t they give you ways of dealing with him while you were away? Certainly plenty of people on here have advised you to avoid him. Why are you interacting with him as soon as you are home? 

alt80

Decent morning back in the office missed that tbh. Even stuck with the decaf and done the chill out so something positive. Taking a lunch break everyday trying to incorporate that into the routine not just sat at my desk or on the road all day. Got the school pick up and wife’s got the walk/ tv planned for this evening, just need to cook dinner. We’re having chilli con carne and rice, kept away from the chicken haha. 

@Nicnak completely relate why ultimately the therapy is just them giving you the tools, no miracles there just have to stick with it, trust the process and put the work in. 

@getmore4less Fair bit of the therapy was discussing the stress/ burnout - same conclusions half my problem though is that’s how I’ve always lived my life. I’ve come back into the real world and it’s like I’ve got to structure my whole life again, start living like a normal person and accept I need to sleep. Anyone normal would 100% be savouring being able to spent more time with family etc I like the idea of it I suppose but back in the real world and I’m !!!!!! panicking about it not the best at being a family man just a load of added pressure to succeed in that part of life now that I didn’t have to concern myself with before.

I’m very fortunate in business mate things are good so long as I keep my head screwed on no reason things can’t progress. On me really if I let things slide or don’t get the right help in also had to face the facts I’ve not helped myself using business collateral in a roundabout way to pay my previous debts then went and got more !!!!!! hate myself for that but have got to move on. 

Funny you should mention me perhaps employing someone to mentor my wife suggested that thinks it’ll give me something else to focus on. Quite like that idea tbh.

AM is a !!!!!! nightmare got the running out of time thoughts again fml I know I’m not getting any younger and have threw away money in the past and still !!!!!! paying for it. My mate has actually offered to put the cash up for a V8V on the condition I refinance my res home next time around to pay it back. I know it’s !!!!!! madness and last thing I should be doing just having the potential chance to get in an AM is tempting. Really should just park it and accept I’ve !!!!!! things for myself for the mid term and will be totally !!!!!! grey by the time I do get in one.

@downshifted yeah same one he’s !!!!!! disaster zone. Disaster zone with a DBS though, still would swap my life for his 100%. As I said above re therapy can have all the tools but need to apply them to the job and it’s difficult when there’s business involved too.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Decent morning back in the office missed that tbh. Even stuck with the decaf and done the chill out so something positive. Taking a lunch break everyday trying to incorporate that into the routine not just sat at my desk or on the road all day. Got the school pick up and wife’s got the walk/ tv planned for this evening, just need to cook dinner. We’re having chilli con carne and rice, kept away from the chicken haha. 

@Nicnak completely relate why ultimately the therapy is just them giving you the tools, no miracles there just have to stick with it, trust the process and put the work in. 

@getmore4less Fair bit of the therapy was discussing the stress/ burnout - same conclusions half my problem though is that’s how I’ve always lived my life. I’ve come back into the real world and it’s like I’ve got to structure my whole life again, start living like a normal person and accept I need to sleep. Anyone normal would 100% be savouring being able to spent more time with family etc I like the idea of it I suppose but back in the real world and I’m !!!!!! panicking about it not the best at being a family man just a load of added pressure to succeed in that part of life now that I didn’t have to concern myself with before.

I’m very fortunate in business mate things are good so long as I keep my head screwed on no reason things can’t progress. On me really if I let things slide or don’t get the right help in also had to face the facts I’ve not helped myself using business collateral in a roundabout way to pay my previous debts then went and got more !!!!!! hate myself for that but have got to move on. 

Funny you should mention me perhaps employing someone to mentor my wife suggested that thinks it’ll give me something else to focus on. Quite like that idea tbh.

AM is a !!!!!! nightmare got the running out of time thoughts again fml I know I’m not getting any younger and have threw away money in the past and still !!!!!! paying for it. My mate has actually offered to put the cash up for a V8V on the condition I refinance my res home next time around to pay it back. I know it’s !!!!!! madness and last thing I should be doing just having the potential chance to get in an AM is tempting. Really should just park it and accept I’ve !!!!!! things for myself for the mid term and will be totally !!!!!! grey by the time I do get in one.

@downshifted yeah same one he’s !!!!!! disaster zone. Disaster zone with a DBS though, still would swap my life for his 100%. As I said above re therapy can have all the tools but need to apply them to the job and it’s difficult when there’s business involved too.

Don't take up the offer for the AM. That would be utter madness.

You need to stay away from him. He is not a friend. A true friend would be offering you support not digging you further into debt.

Be careful that you don't start falling into the same traps that you have done previously. If you need help again ask the professionals for it, don't spiral out of control again.

enthusiasticsaver

Having had three weeks of getting yourself balanced to a degree you seem to be reverting to past habits.  You really have to block these car mates of yours  as they are triggering you and giving you all sorts of inferiority complexes again.  No good will come from that.  The cars have to go on  the back burner for now and you have to focus on your health and getting your finances stable.  You should not have gone for the VIP package on the rehab but you know that and focusing on what gives good value for now will help you get back on track financially.  The pros hopefully gave you tools to cope with the bad thoughts you have going on in your head and the bad influences and any mates who have sports cars need to come top of that list. 

alt80

Have just sent the money to clear the M&S card. 0% was up in July but it’s another one gone now. Back in the game. Ought to face completing the spreadsheet ha but have my dinner to sort. Wife will go !!!!!! ballistic if I sit in my office and tell her to cook it. 

Things aren’t quite as bad as I thought though. Wife has sold £5.75k worth of stuff and still going at it - think she just wants a fresh start not just about the money for her which I get. Spent £9k on the rehab so I’m not going to throw that money down the drain too. Keep up the therapy etc. Know I need to sort my head out re sports cars tbh might have my other mate’s MG coming to stay for a bit. Need to sort out what I’m doing with the BMW too. Torn between keeping it or not but don’t really want to own it long term so idk something to think about another day. 

warby68

Have to say @alt80 its a bit worrying that your waster mate and the AM are getting so much of your headspace in these early days back home. 
These 2 things are the thought trains most obviously damaging to your mental well being, they were before and unfortunately still seem to be now.

I'm surprised you haven't made 'resolutions' or something about these and effectively parked them while you recover and focus on the more immediate stuff. I can see an AM in your future but it has to be put to bed for the time being.
I hope you are still being heavily supported and can get these things under control sharpish.

For heaven's sake, block that waster - he is intent on your ruin. Surely you can see that. I am staggered you let contact in the minute you were home tbh.

JGB1955

I'm also aghast - you've spent £9k on rehab (no problem with that) but within 36 hours are talking to the one person who drags you backwards every time.  Wake up and smell the roses.  Thursday could have been that (clichéd) ' first day of the rest of your life'... but seems you are willing to sabotage it within hours.