First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

Didn’t realise it was the same AM guy.

he’s happy for you to remortgage your res home. 

He’s hell bent on trying to sink you. He wants you back in your place owing him so he has you on a plate to do as he wants when he wants. The minute you say no to anything he’ll put it on you what he’s done for you. 

theoretica

Bah to not getting any younger - I have no intention of giving up on fun for decades.  No need to squeeze it all into the next little while.

ladyholly

I have said it before and I will say it again as have others. Lose that "Mate". He is a toxic influence that you dont need. In fact i would go as far as saying he is dangerous to you and your future not to mention the future of your wife and son and your business. He is hell bent on destroying your family so you can be the same sad individual he is. You are far better than that and your son certainly doesnt deserve that. Think what is important to you. A car that will depreciate hugely or your home, business and family, not necessarily in that order, who will all be there for many years to come and will bring you satisfaction and happiness.

Other than dumping the so called mate any other major decisions need to be parked until you are stronger mentally.

alt80

Been half watching tv, half doing figures. I can pay off the July BC with the remainder of wife’s sales/ last month surplus and go £315 into overdraft (0%) by month end which I can clear 26th. Wife reckons I should do it and work towards next deadline - Jan 22. Another min payment to keep in mind on the new purchase card which has been used for the rehab upgrade and Greece trip. Accounted for on the sheet. Wife said take her purchases off spends allocations even though she used the sales money. !!!!!! a lot of the beauty appts off and still doing 5 girls’ nails so that’s now just extra money. Asked her if she wanted to keep the money she said no, we’re working as a team now lol. It’s not bad really, can’t believe I’m saying this but 100% thanks to my Mrs really. 

@warby68 / @JGB1955 / @Nicnak / @ladyholly I’ve been on the phone briefly - should have them both parked and thought I had until I got back home and have him trying to get hold of me. I don’t want to be !!!!!! the money I’ve spent up the wall. If I could live at the rehab with the chef, have my family drive over for a walk everyday and do 2 hours therapy, 6 hours work and 1 hour fitness/ yoga on the rest days that’d be amazing I’d actually really like that. Ok with no substances ever again it’s nice to have the freedom away from that for me anyway, gets to the point its not enjoyable. Didn’t think much about cars there - nowhere to drive, didn’t keep seeing cars driving around reminding me some lucky !!!!!! has what I want and I don’t. Accommodation was on point tbf without the upgrade I would have been staying in a converted outbuilding but got the listed manor house for my money. Left there feeling blessed 100%. 

I have blocked him from my phone def trying to avoid contact. He still messages my wife/ emails me/ rings home landline and the office etc he’s !!!!!! relentless one step off a stalker lol. I wish he’d get the hint I need some space but he won’t I know that - his exMrs wound up getting some sort of harassment order and he still just reckons she’s playing hard to get lol. Messaged my wife 38 times before 9am last Thursday. Tbf he’s got nothing better to do than messaging, getting off his head and cars I know I deal with all his business and everyone else got out of his life a while back just me and the parents needs to get on tinder or something idk could pull any woman he wants but would rather message me fml.

@theoretica but are you 40 already mate?

stymied

Will your wife block him too if you ask her? Unless she was replying 38 messages is scary.

downshifted

I have blocked him from my phone def trying to avoid contact. He still messages my wife/ emails me/ rings home landline and the office etc he’s !!!!!! relentless one step off a stalker lol. I wish he’d get the hint I need some space but he won’t I know that - his exMrs wound up getting some sort of harassment order and he still just reckons she’s playing hard to get lol. Messaged my wife 38 times before 9am last Thursday. Tbf he’s got nothing better to do than messaging, getting off his head and cars I know I deal with all his business and everyone else got out of his life a while back just me and the parents needs to get on tinder or something idk could pull any woman he wants but would rather message me fml.

Just read this again Alt. Everyone else got out of his life. His ex wife needed an harassment order.  No wife, no child, no friends. Just money, well, his parent’s money. But still you told me you would swap your life for his:
@downshifted yeah same one he’s !!!!!! disaster zone. Disaster zone with a DBS though, still would swap my life for his 100%. As I said above re therapy can have all the tools but need to apply them to the job and it’s difficult when there’s business involved too.

If that’s the case you do need to do a lot more personal development. But I don’t think you genuinely would swap your wife, child, home & business for his life. But if you don’t cut him out of your life you might not end up having the choice. However difficult it is, everyone here is urging you to do it now and stick to it.

Sun_Addict

Great news your wife is working with you. Echoing what everyone else says that ‘mate’ needs ditching he sounds like a loose cannon, get rid and move on. TBH he sounds like he needs help from the professionals. 

warby68

38 messages is seriously scary. 
Open your eyes and make sure your wife does too and is suitably protected. If he has latched more onto her because he can't get you, who knows what damage is lurking.
That was the day you were coming home, he had no business even bothering her.
If she is encouraging or even tolerating him for whatever reasons ( I do remember posts about her 'flirting' ,for want of a much better word) then ask her to  shut it down for everyone's sake.

alt80

I know I need this out of my life tbh. My wife won't block him after she told him she was doing so and he sent her some worrying messages, we both think he was manipulating her but don't suppose you ever know. No she's not flirting with him ha tbh she's really serious about this being a new start for us. Me letting the side down again getting caught up in what I don't have rather than concentrating on what I do again. 

@downshifted I suppose I mean I'd swap his position in life use the money to make a go at things move away maybe idk. Would def be easy for him to. Never known debt for anything haha so def not paying for his past stupidity.

theoretica

alt80 said:

@theoretica but are you 40 already mate?

43 - and really feel remarkably similar to when I was under 40.  I think getting to the next year in age is much like you have been discovering with climbing up a step in other areas of life.  You find you are still the same person.