First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@theoretica I wish I felt like that mate brilliant place to be and attitude. I always have felt like time is running out just even worse now all the stuff I thought I'd have at this age that hasn't happened and paying for a past overstretched lifestyle knowing I'm putting things on hold further but need to do it. Really question if I'll ever get out of my current res home not that it's a bad place because it isn't, just won't have achieved what I set out to if I don't move onto the next level. Question lots of other stuff like that. In the rehab it's like a different world hard on the therapy definitely but also really peaceful, just have time to sit outside and look around at the scenery idk how to describe it but it's like every expectation has gone no competition with others, nothing to buy. Bit like lockdown 1 in a way.

theoretica

Possibly it was a good thing for me that I set out to achieve completely impractical aims (I was going to win the Nobel Prize, among other things...) so had to come to terms years ago with it being fine to change or ditch aims if they didn't make me happy.

enthusiasticsaver

Rehab is not the real world so the idea is that you get started on a new regime and continue this at home.  Getting clean in a strict carefully controlled environment is one thing but continuing it when you have outside influences is altogether different as you are finding out.  For the sake of your future though I strongly suggest both you and your wife block the mate.  He is intent on bringing you down to his level and the fact that his ex wife had to take out a harrassment order to keep him away is worrying along with messaging your wife numerous times on the day you came home.  He will sabotage you for sure  if you let him back into your  life. Don't envy him.  He sounds a very sad and lonely individual but no doubt that is down to the way he behaves around people. Money isn't everything. 

CRANKY40

Your dodgy "friend" is an absolute nuisance but to be fair, while he is messaging Mrs alt you have a little bit of control of the situation. I feel as if you were to block him on Mrs alt's phone he will double/triple his efforts to get to you and you're not strong enough yet to deal with what he will do to get at you and he knows your weak points. He's nuts - barking mad. As long as you and Mrs alt are on the same page here and you stay away from him you have a fair chance. If Mrs a feels threatened by him then take it further but otherwise try and come up with a strategy for dealing with him at some point. For instance say in 3 months or 6 months Mrs a will block him and you will deal with the fallout then. Don't under estimate the lies he will tell and the rubbish that he will come up with though. I'd expect him to say he's slept with your wife, fathered your son, has bought up all your debts...just about anything he can do to get to you. Be ready for him, both of you.  

Incidentally you manifest what you think that you will. If you think you won't move from your house or get your AM then you won't. Don't waste your obvious talent by thinking negative thoughts and dwelling on negative things. Start concentrating on what you need to do to achieve what you want. You're halfway there already. Keep speaking to Mrs a and start work on your plans for the rest of your lives. Good luck, you can do this. 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

 

@downshifted I suppose I mean I'd swap his position in life use the money to make a go at things move away maybe idk. Would def be easy for him to. Never known debt for anything haha so def not paying for his past stupidity.

He is paying for his past stupidity but personally rather than financially.  He has lost his family and does not seem to  have any other friends or why does he keep pestering you?  There  is usually something missing in someones life if they need drugs/alcohol to fill a void in an otherwise empty life. No point in moving away if you are like that as the problems follow you. 

woahsoah

You do see he is trying to sabotage you right? Its bloody obvious by wanting to put a condition on your home. The moment you buy that car he will ask to "socialise" (aka do drugs), the moment you refuse he will call in the loan. If you can do it and get a legal professional to work the contract in your favour so you can screw him then go for it.

He really has nothing. I'm surprised you could be envious of such a guy. I don't know how much of your pnl he is responsible for so perhaps you need to be careful about totally removing him from your life.

warby68

Time for another cliche 'misery loves company'
Your 'mate' is utterly miserable and wants you there too. 
Look what he's done already to your mental state after 3 weeks and £9k of the professionals.
Another critical point for you @alt80 - get a grip in the real world, don't crave the hiding away aspect of rehab. Use those tools with everything you've got. Mrs A is all in, make sure you are too. Its horrible to read you were seemingly so ill-prepared for your release but I guess you can only take a horse to water. Get drinking alt, come on.
Don't throw away a very bright future. Something is still skewing your thoughts. Make sure the professionals are on that with you 100% as you move to the next phase.
We have told you with a very consistent voice for a very long time what a success you actually are and what is important in life. There is noone who has ever said you are right to feel a failure on your levels measure. You've been told all along its the wrong measure. What will it take to convince you? I wish I had the answer and could slap you round the head with it.

Hope for some better days and some forward travel for you.

katsu

He's a fiend not a friend. 
He's messing with your head and you need to avoid him as he's toxic.  I'm 100% convinced it is a way to get your attention and stop you moving on with a clean life by having you owe him. 

So for you, great news that the wife is now so on board. You are both waking up to live a new life. Stay that way. 

alt80

Day 28 off the coke today. Hope to keep the number of days going in the right direction. 

Woke up this morning thinking I’m going to get the BC cleared. That’ll be both July cards gone. Almost all because my wife has been going mad on the sales but ultimately it’s another one gone. She’s started to critically assess what she wants to keep and not. If it’s got a value she’s selling it - got £10 for one of son’s things he’s grown out of said to me £10 back in our pocket or the banks ha rather than throwing in the bin. Fair point tbh can’t argue with that. 

She’s threw herself back into the fitness stuff. Got me moving as well haha. Smashed the upper body and got the chill out 15 mins done this morning. We both took son to school. 

I’m cooking again this evening chicken and bacon salad. Yeah I know, my idea of a salad is a bit more like a pig out tbh do the olives, stuffed vine leaves, carrots/ corn and hummus with it. No wine for obvs reasons but will drop in Sainsbury’s later get one of the nice soft drinks lot cheaper and no hangover.

My mate is a !!!!!! nightmare tbh I get where people from here are coming from and therapy people too. I have actually considered binning him and his business tbh I’m the only one responsible for my recovery know that much. Less about the cash it generates as whilst that’s a factor the management side of the business has grown significantly recently more than enough to offset. More I have a lot of time for his parents and we go back a very long way. Not helping me though can tell you that much.

RelievedSheff

It is great to see both yourself and your wife throwing yourselves into this this time. I think you will make a great team and you will smash this.

Your salad sounds nice.