First Steps to Solvency

CRANKY40

Behave. Your wife loves you, yes you do deserve a loving relationship - most people do and when you're not as high as a kite you seem like quite a decent person. The trouble starts once you start using. We don't hate you either or we wouldn't bother trying to talk sense into you. 

I once gave up a boyfriend who was bad for me because my friend bet me that I couldn't. It strikes me that you go for the same kind of challenge. Make a bet with yourself. Clean and properly behaved by such a date and make the reward worth it. Maybe renewing your wedding vows somewhere really good...maybe the car....who knows. You do and honestly you're worth it, your wife and son are worth it and the effort will be worth it. 

alt80

Thanks all. I’ve been back on the programme properly today. Felt awful def can’t keep at it like this. Some very long conversations with the pros potential of going into facility etc idk yet. Centreparcs not until July anyway ha should be out for then lol. Weirdly looking forward to that today just go and hide in the middle of nowhere ha.

The personal finances have tripped me off tbh since I’ve started sorting the mess out and can’t spend to the extent I’d like to. Realisation I’m not doing as well in life as I’d like to be. Not like I didn’t understand I was in perpetual debt and spent more than I should but I sort of brushed it off pretended it was ok everyone in same position idk - it was a crutch definitely. For those who haven’t read this whole massive diary of my drivel and brain dumps thinking what the !!!!!! am I moaning about re income - pre-lockdown 1 I averaged an overspend of c£3-4k/m for quite a long time and had a lot of credit card debt over £100k, refinanced my BTL portfolio really pushing the ltv about as far as you can ending up with all sorts of PGs/ ltv covenants etc and went at it again. Never been in adverse but fml carried on the road I was driving down I dread to !!!!!! think what my future would’ve been. Having to be realistic about my earnings for the next two years at least - I’m not going to be able to spend anywhere close to what I did. Reality biting big time now lockdown set to be over. It’s set off all the self worth stuff really badly tbh for me can’t afford = not good enough. Better that than carrying on with the stupid levels of overspends and winding up some sort of bankrupt eventually know that much but I need to say goodbye to the substances 100% get it out of my life. 

I’ve got a lot of payments over next 3-4 years or so - res home mortgage/ school/ cars/ cards/ RR balloon. The school feels like a massive commitment since I’ve been working to the budget. Didn’t really think about it before much suppose I didn’t really even think about the fact I’ve got a kid that much though now seems like a massive responsibility. Too many £1k+ payments I’ve got in my personal life really.

Sounds mad but was always convinced when I was a kid and all the way into my 30s I’d make it big in business, superyacht rich list level haha don’t ask me where that level of confidence came from probably teenage bravado early on and fuelled by coke later idk. Realised what was in my head isn’t going to happen and everyone doesn’t have these thoughts tbt I should be happy with where I am but I get the burning shame admitting I don’t have the 7 figure res home, fleet of supercars, 0.1% income or whatever. I get a lot of people will tell me to get a grip/ first world problems but yeah that’s how I’ve always valued myself - against people on a higher level than I am had a big conversation about that with the pros today. I do know it’s not really normal and I need to find peace with sustainable growth, not being the best in the business but not being the worst. 

ladyholly

I am glad you are back with the programme and talking to the professionals. I am sure you know the reason you feel horrible is because your system is full of c***.  Also gla you are looking at rehab. I think in your position one of the hardest things other than cravings is the thought you are going to have to change your personal life and possibly to some extent your work life. That must be scary because you don't know how it will work out. The only thing I can offer is think of it as an adventure to the next stage of your life. You are still young enough to have a wonderful future and family (with a beautifully behaved dog). 

alt80

Bit of a nice surprise wife has put £6k of her stuff up for sale. All stuff she doesn’t want and was going to sell before but didn’t. She’s been off IG a few weeks now. Also earned £80 from nail girls yesterday.

Did cokeheads meeting this evening through therapy was struggling with the idea you’re meant to stay off all ‘mind altering substances’ in reality means not meant to have a drink. First time tonight I thought I’ll stick with that. Don’t grow up in a pub environment without meeting alcoholics and not something I’m interested in getting that into tbh so have my excuse to stay away at least for a good while. Not going to get invited out for drinks anytime by anyone who isn’t also into the other stuff so best just not bothering.

@ladyholly yeah I know. Thanks.

Sun_Addict

Top priority must be to get yourself clean. Then you can start smashing your goals again. I wish you could see just how successful you are, you’ve got a great business, brilliant staff and a lovely wife and son. Your wife is far more tolerant than me. Another one here rooting for you to turn this around, you just need to start believing in yourself. 

ryanm8655

Well done on getting back on the programme.

Great news re: wife's sales.

Also thought I'd be a mutlimillionaire with a ferrari by 25 when I was a teen, so think that's quite normal ha. A lot harder in reality though, especially when starting from nothing. You are really succesful so quit beating yourself up!

enthusiasticsaver

Good that your wife is making changes to make your life better by coming off the IG and has found more stuff to sell.  

It is tempting to tell you to get a grip about your position as you are earning almost three times the average UK salary.  I think you need to get real about what you have got and learn to appreciate it. This lack of self worth is what keeps dragging you down. 

alt80

I can’t keep letting things trip me off tbh I’m being given the tools, full days of therapy sticking to it as I should. The programme is technically rehab just not staying in the facility. Another assessment tomorrow not going to lie I’d prefer to stay at home but if they think I should stay I’m having the assessment/ walk round etc. I’m not working beyond a check in Monday/ Wednesday/ Friday. My senior guy won’t let me do anymore lol we go back quite a long way, I’ve got a lot of time for him knows his job very well, really capable can keep me in check ha. 

Sorry I can’t respond to everyone - I’m going to bed early tonight but appreciate it thank you. Had a bit of time TV with wife watching masterchef after a nice dinner got my steak lol with peas, broccoli, cauliflower, 1/2 sweet potato and red wine gravy. Pretty sure the wine in gravy doesn’t count though if it does I’ve failed on the first day with that thinking about it fml. 😆 Not failed with the coke, I’ve not touched that. 

@Sun_Addict I need to make a job out of it. Thank you.

@ryanm8655 Thanks mate. 

Ha sorry but think it’s a certain ‘type’ thing tbh. Very difficult to achieve absolutely not just hard work iyswim. Some people are def entrepreneurial on a different level - right place/ right time stuff a lot of the time too/ industry imo but a lot more to it than that 100%. My head is not in the right place to make an articulate statement but I love reading the biographies of those who did make it big time. 

@enthusiasticsaver thanks yes the self worth is dragging me down if I can’t get over that, I’m not going to be ok know that much. Times when I feel very guilty about how I am - I know there’s a lot people with much less than me and not self destructive about it which leads to me being self destructive. Vicious cycle 100% that I need to step out of.

Just jotted down about the type of thoughts I have (meant to do it for counselling) - you say x3 av UK salary first thought in my head but its not x5. Get the pros on the job ha.

alt80

Predicted variable spends WC 12/4/21
Food - £85/£100
Alcohol - £0/£0 - might change this to ‘silly drinks’ lol we like the F&M sparkling tea had it when I was off the booze before. She doesn’t order from there all the time, we just have tea and coffee from there and a chocolate treat from the chocolate library probably makes 6 orders a year. 
Coffee out - £5/£15
Fuel - £85/£100
Entertainment - £25/£0 thrown the Swingball in here as should provide some summer entertainment no idea why I was agonising over that tbh.

Items from N&W budgets (new spends)
£0/£0

Upcoming planned spends 
Wedding anniversary £385 (includes the treatments etc) but this is now fully accounted for and agreed
8/5/21 first meal out of freedom £75 est. should be a max cost - hoping this goes ahead now if not table booked wife can take a mate
Greece hol? Need to speak to my parents first I think considering just being honest and they’ll take it as they choose to ultimately 
Centreparcs - £150? For spends?

Other
Put the reminder in my phone to plant peas with my son 24th April. If I’m at the facility my wife has told me she will do it but she’s hoping I will be home.
Wife’s sales £6k speak to her about what’s happening with the money parked for time being.

maddiemay

Well done for getting stuck into the programme, I also believe in you and really want you to succeed.  I hope that you sleep well tonight.