First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Fwiw I’ve had too much to drink.

ladyholly

Have a couple of glasses of water and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Onebrokelady

I was just about to ask if you were off your face 🙄 I second Ladyholly's advice get yourself off to bed and start again tomorrow 😊 

alt80

My wife is compromising with me Emma I’ve seen your diary plotting to leave your husband no business of yours where he spends his money or if he’s seeing a girl now you’re divorced. I’m not divorced I’m still married and she’s beautiful on the outside and the inside. From what I can tell he just liked playing golf a lot and being in rental arrears. LLs dream you are those tenants. Fwiw I’ve always paid my mortgages and my debts business and personal whatever no arrears no adverse debt in my life. 

Holly yes should do I think time getting on thank you and my dog he is with me. he’s getting to be a good dog sometimes - your advice spot on thank you again.

alt80

I need to stop doing this to myself tomorrow is a new day. Had my water will be up in the middle of the night now bladder of a child fml glad I’ve not been on the beer would be two or three wake ups 100% guaranteed I’ll be up getting too old for this know that much I do want to be with my family spending time together I’m being a waster right now my wife in her own room company would be nice but she looks after me and I want to be able to look after her can’t face leaving home but might have to go into the facility idk right now. Want her in my bed not even for anything behold having her close because I love her 100% every hair on her head she’s perfect 

Aspiration

Morning,
 As has been said, it’s great you’ve started getting help but it feels like you need more processional help immediately.

 There’s lots of people And services who can help, please pick up the phone and get more help immediately.

Take care.

Aspiration 

warby68

Hey that's not fair I let you take the mickey about the X6........and the Mini..........and the van

Just think you're a car snob though rather than a car guy because its more about image for you rather than the car. Plus the obvious big problem you can't actually afford all the cars you want lol ....... but you know what ? I still believe you will one day.

If people here didn't think you were more than just a cokehead that's when they wouldn't bother.

Get some serious thinking done on proper rehab- give you, your wife, your son that proper chance. Just let us know if you're going as I'm pretty sure you won't be on devices for a while and so we don't think something worse.

Addiction is horrible and cruel and wrecks lives - so far its mainly wrecked your head, your judgement and your wider social circle but you still have your family and businesses and basic good health (despite your fears) so a lot to fight for. You're at a turning point, make the right call. Only you can do it but hopefully knowing you do have love and support from people that matter plus a load of help, judgy or not, from internet folks is a help.

Every new day is another chance to get it right (even if you need a shed load of paracetamol and water first today to see it) - maybe this is the one.

enthusiasticsaver

Getting wasted on alcohol instead of drugs is no solution. You have to step away from both if you do not want to lose everything. 

I hope you start again today and get some proper help and really commit to it. You cannot keep doing this to yourself. 

ladyholly

Glad the advice re the dog has helped but I still think you need a trainer to work with you all at some point when your heaad is straighter.

Now all you have to do is take the advice of many on here and book yourself into rehab. I get you dont want to leave home but you need more consistent help and to be away from all influences that dont help including the bottle.

Instead of focusing on how guilty you feel how about thinking how proud of yourself you will feel when you are clean and can focus on being a good father and husband and growing your business.

I hope today is a better day for and follow that advice of getting yourself booked in for that rehab.

alt80

Probably no surprise I feel like death have been really ill. My wife is looking after me still dragged me up though lol. I know most think I don’t deserve her, I don’t. I’d skipped some sessions made the work excuse but my level of work is very poor right now I did it to have a sniff know that now. Recovery is a lifetime commitment I will need to ditch people I care about and ones that go back a long way. I will have to look to the present and future forget the past forgive myself when I feel I am unforgivable. I know what it is and I know it ultimately needs to come from me, a professional can give me the tools and are but what I do with them is on me.

I’m scared I won’t be able to function again without the cocaine, give it up and lose everything because I am very tired when I’m off it. I’m not capable of running my business now though I know that so idk very lucky to have two senior guys who are brilliant one knows where my head is at I am ill just in the mind ill. The one who knows does it probably only 2/3 times a year though and he knows I’ve been to hell and back before with mental ill health. They could leave and they haven’t I think I might have to leave for a bit he knows and I trust him can’t imagine been away from my business for a month though. My staff are superstars and I’m letting them down ultimately so I need to to something. I’m not well the mental ill health has happened to me before but came round last time quickly enough just carried on thinking I’ll be ok. Been in counselling for health fears that helped a lot but I’m not ok far from it. Not just drugs I’m completely burnt out and idk why; been like that for years now can’t get to next level, bad levels of concentration and keep making mistakes. It cuts me up and I convince myself if I sniff the stuff I’ll get through and be 100% productive. Sitting staring at work off my head isn’t even work or productive. Don’t even work like I used to I just can’t all that leads me to is more coke and panic attacks. If I’m productive for 3 days solid in the week I’m lucky used to be able to do 7 days a week proper work. I was smashing my goals now can’t go at it so hard I don’t know what’s wrong with me should be able to do it but I can’t. 

I do want to sort my debts out and am look at the plan for that and business and smile - it’s most I’ve achieved in years in terms of forwards progression thank you for the support on here it’s helped me to do that. Now I’m letting down people who have chosen to help me with no other reason than kindness I’m sorry I know I am a deadbeat in life these days. I didn’t used to be but I’m broken now read back what I wrote fml I was absolutely wasted.