First Steps to Solvency

CRANKY40

My son is supporting one of his friends as she gives up and she's not finding it easy either. My son is 16, his friend is 15. Son talked his friend into telling her mum who then made her put £50 worth of it down the toilet. Sounds like you should do the same with whatever you have left in the house. If you're not seeing your dodgy "mate who isn't a mate" then there's obviously another line of supply that needs to be stopped. "Being careful" what you are spending on it is not a justification for doing it in the first place. 

By constantly looking over your shoulder at the past and whinging about what mistakes you've made, you're going to lose the amazing future that you could have if you're not careful. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to acknowledge, deal with and then move on. You can't change the past but you can change the future. 

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

@annabanana82 I need to start believing that tbh stop being paranoid about people’s intentions.

Know I need to give the stuff up for good and want to. Did your brother give it up forever?

He has had slips, probably more than my Mum knows about, but he has relinquished a lot of control to my Mum, she makes sure his mortgage is paid and he's been staying with her to get away from temptation - his dealer lives in the same block of flats so his temptation is literally on his doorstop.

But, he does smoke and more than just cigarettes and drinks so he has other vices to fall back on it to replace the coke, so I guess he's always going to be dependent on something.

He does hope to move to SE Asia once his mortgage is paid off and he would have to say goodbye to all the drugs at that point - assuming he manages to pull it off...

alt80

@FootyFanDan hope you’re well mate. Yeah I need to sort myself out and she probably does have her suspicions even my dad has.

@CRANKY40 wow re 15 year old girl that’s !!!!!! tragic tbh. I got rid of the stuff last night. 

There’s no justification I know that. Its the moving on I need to do that’s the key I think. Know I can do a load of therapy but I’m the problem really needs to come from me and stay on the right road. 

@annabanana82 that doesn’t sound great. I have some people close to me that do it I employ one tbh and a couple of clients. Definitely not the majority around me in business wouldn’t be where I am if that was the case I don’t think. 

Ha I don’t smoke anything lol never have that’s the odd thing I hate smoking think it’s revolting. Drink yeah I like a drink but only time that’s been out of control is on a couple of occasions very recently and idk why never been a massive vice to me. 

Lot of people I’ve met through the therapy into all sorts I ‘just’ do the coke and spend a lot of money on occasion ha. Tbh a lot of the time I start thinking I don’t need the therapy because I really don’t do it to the same extent as a lot of people. Some kind of self control too 9/10 idk swing between thinking I’m a coke addict to thinking it’s just something I do sometimes.

ladyholly

The stand out comment to me in recent posts is "I need the stuff to be normal".
That is so far from the truth and I think you know it. Coke screws your brain and coming off it is very tough. A residential rehab would I think help but it won't sort it. The only way is to give it up forever and never touch the stuff again. If you are offered the answer must always be no thanks. 

Don't think of centre parcs as charity. Do you realise how much pleasure treating your family gives to grandparents. It is one of the joys because when your own children are young other stuff gets in the way, money, time, etc. Let them do this for you all. When you are doing better you could treat them to a meal out or something. 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@FootyFanDan hope you’re well mate. Yeah I need to sort myself out and she probably does have her suspicions even my dad has.

@CRANKY40 wow re 15 year old girl that’s !!!!!! tragic tbh. I got rid of the stuff last night. 

There’s no justification I know that. Its the moving on I need to do that’s the key I think. Know I can do a load of therapy but I’m the problem really needs to come from me and stay on the right road. 

@annabanana82 that doesn’t sound great. I have some people close to me that do it I employ one tbh and a couple of clients. Definitely not the majority around me in business wouldn’t be where I am if that was the case I don’t think. 

Ha I don’t smoke anything lol never have that’s the odd thing I hate smoking think it’s revolting. Drink yeah I like a drink but only time that’s been out of control is on a couple of occasions very recently and idk why never been a massive vice to me. 

Lot of people I’ve met through the therapy into all sorts I ‘just’ do the coke and spend a lot of money on occasion ha. Tbh a lot of the time I start thinking I don’t need the therapy because I really don’t do it to the same extent as a lot of people. Some kind of self control too 9/10 idk swing between thinking I’m a coke addict to thinking it’s just something I do sometimes.

That sometimes happens to be a lot 

Where are we on this thread ~6 months and was a bit of time on the lead in threads.

Been on the stuff  more than off it  only fooling yourself a little bit don't count.


what you are proving is you can't do this on your own, you need help more that you think a lot of the time.


The I am strong times where you ditch the help is just the druggy in you winning a bit back and then it will go after anything else that will weaken the resolve till you break and the cycle repeats.


 

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

@FootyFanDan hope you’re well mate. Yeah I need to sort myself out and she probably does have her suspicions even my dad has.

@CRANKY40 wow re 15 year old girl that’s !!!!!! tragic tbh. I got rid of the stuff last night. 

There’s no justification I know that. Its the moving on I need to do that’s the key I think. Know I can do a load of therapy but I’m the problem really needs to come from me and stay on the right road. 

@annabanana82 that doesn’t sound great. I have some people close to me that do it I employ one tbh and a couple of clients. Definitely not the majority around me in business wouldn’t be where I am if that was the case I don’t think. 

Ha I don’t smoke anything lol never have that’s the odd thing I hate smoking think it’s revolting. Drink yeah I like a drink but only time that’s been out of control is on a couple of occasions very recently and idk why never been a massive vice to me. 

Lot of people I’ve met through the therapy into all sorts I ‘just’ do the coke and spend a lot of money on occasion ha. Tbh a lot of the time I start thinking I don’t need the therapy because I really don’t do it to the same extent as a lot of people. Some kind of self control too 9/10 idk swing between thinking I’m a coke addict to thinking it’s just something I do sometimes.

I also thought I should add that there are some massive differences between you and my Brother, you might think you are, but my Brother is a proper !!!!. He has gone through thousands and thousands of pounds and has nothing to really show for it - even his flat has been on the verge of repossession more than once!

You have worked so hard and achieved so much, you have a lovely home and family and have something to fight for, that gives you a huge advantage over people like my Brother that have nothing else in their lives.

It isn't going to be easy, pubs are rife with it and it's no longer saved for a good night out. My Brother's local; punters are seen doing it on a Wednesday night with a couple of pints. They've had to shut the toilets to do a proper clean as surfaces have a dusting of white powder.

But, in your own words you like to win and you can win this battle 

Onebrokelady

efes_shareholder said:

we come in to this world with nothing and essentially that is how we leave it - we may be able to leave our families the fruits of our labour but ultimately what we accumulate along the way will change our final destination.

Do I want to leave my family with wonderful memories of times spent together and advice I gave , Funny moments , wise moments and silly times and happy thoughts  - ultimately I think that legacy has no price and is far more valuable to them then filling their bank accounts.

I'm sorry but if you think the success of life is measured on material possessions then you will always be poor 

Agree wholeheartedly 😊

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff years to come my son is going to ask me what I was doing end of lockdown 3, how big was it etc and I’ll be like idk I was on the cokeheads meeting fml. 😆 

It's not the end of lockdown that is on june the 21st,i if you stick to your immediate plan you will be able to enjoy it then,the world isn't going anywhere and no one knows you are sitting at home
All the people out there at the moment look like very sad desperate people to me,their lives are so small all they can think of is spending their money on things they don't need. No one is social distancing there is already trouble in London with a big outbreak so they are taking a big risk. 
I was excited at the thought of the shops opening but I'm not rushing out there like some demented idiot who had nothing better to do. You have time to celebrate later when and if everything is open properly 

Onebrokelady

Sadly you haven't reached rock bottom yet. When your wife leaves for good taking your son with her you will finally know heartache and then maybe do something about your addiction. It's a harsh scenario but you are being allowed to constantly get away with it, your wife threatens but then gives in and so the pattern repeats. One day very soon she is going to finally realise you won't change and she will go and not come back 

theoretica

alt80 said:

Tbh a lot of the time I start thinking I don’t need the therapy because I really don’t do it to the same extent as a lot of people. Some kind of self control too 9/10 idk swing between thinking I’m a coke addict to thinking it’s just something I do sometimes.

Yeah, you don't want it to be true - but that stuff is causing you problems and bargaining with definitions won't be a productive way of accomplishing anything, least of all change in the direction you want to go.