First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

If your mate turns up get your wife to answer the door and tell him to p*** off or better still dont answer the door. He just wants to drag you down to his level and if you see him I dont think you are in the right frame of mind to resist at the moment.

Legs21

I was just about to suggest the same as @ladyholly. Tell your wife she can answer the door and say whatever she wants to him as long as it ends with the door in his face! He’s not a mate he doesn’t enhance your life. He is a drain who is pulling you down the plug hole with him. 

theoretica

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff my first outing is 8th May I’m buzzing for it now. Don’t really like being last to do anything, def like to win.

Which is one reason you get such strong pushback when your 'winning' could be seen as deeming other people losers. 

I've got a great house - fine.  My house is more expensive than theirs - bad.

I really like my RR - fine.  The RR is the best car/ I really believe everyone woul have one if they could - bad.

I'm proud of my portfolio - fine.  I judge other people by their wealth - bad.

It's a fine line to walk - but I think you will get more acknowledgements of your successes when you aren't driving people to feel they are being classed as losers compared to your winning.

alt80

Day 11
Made it to the end of the day just sat in front of tv with wife so no temptation. Mate didn’t turn up either ha.

Predicted variable spends WC 12/4/21
Food - £85/£100 wife done order
Alcohol - £0/£0
Coffee out - £15 (weekend)
Fuel - £85/£100 wife filled BMW 
Entertainment - £0/£0

Items from N&W budgets (new spends)
£0/£0

Upcoming planned spends 
Wedding anniversary £385 (includes the treatments etc) but this is now fully accounted for and agreed
8/5/21 first meal out of freedom £75 est. should be a max cost.
Greece hol
Centreparcs - £150? For spends?


@CRANKY40 I don’t even know why I’m still interested in the stuff tbh half the time think it’s a !!!!!! disgusting habit and yeah a lot more to life than doing it know it was me who said that too ha; the other half of my head, I start thinking might be ok just to do it a bit idk it’s not great.

Ha re ‘lemo’ I thought I knew just about every reference to it going but that was a new one for me had to look it up as I’d honestly never heard that one before lol but on the subject of scousers there was some girl on here when I first started posting thought I was from that part of the world haha.

@Grumpelstiltskin my wife wouldn’t get off that lol. Can remember them from back in the day actually tempted to buy one haha.

@theoretica iswyacf and yeah it doesn’t sound great when put like that tbh I’m not trying to put anyone down not how I am. 

enthusiasticsaver

We won't be rushing to sit in the cold just to have a drink in a pub  any time soon and will let things settle down first. Why do the BBC persist in constantly showing Nottingham on the news re lockdown easing, shops opening etc? 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver coming to same conclusion tbh been a bit stupid today need to get back on with engaging with the programme properly not done anything but it’s in my head spending and the rest.

Place to be mate 100%. I only saw EM today not the national so didn’t see the NG national feature lol - pub in R-o-T was on EMT and wife wanted to see if she knew anyone drinking there lol. They featured Derby - tourist attraction Matlock Bath, Leicester - hair salon with a woman I wouldn’t let cut my dog’s hair going by what she looked like ha, Nottingham - pubs ha says it all.

maddiemay

@alt80 That swing ball might prove a useful tool for releasing some of that stuff that is building up inside you, better than fists and brick walls!    Some years ago when I was really struggling with a work situation that was causing me stress, but at that moment was not within my power to resolve I was advised to kick the carp out of an old pillow and release the tension.  For a people pleaser like me it was a good call.

alt80

I keep having the thoughts I’ve been having for the past few days think I’ll be checking into the facility for a bit of time away from reality. I’ve not touched it but having the stupid thoughts maybe I just enjoy it, no problem, everyone does a bit etc. I don’t enjoy it at all anymore it’s !!!!!! horrible stuff and I’d be really upset if my son ever did it when he’s older tbh. Had a !!!!!! breakdown at my meeting. I want to do the right thing enjoy my family, not spend too much, pay my debts off and live life in a better way. I know without all the stuff going on in my head which I’m told is mainly the result of using it, I could have a nice life be able to provide my family with a good standard of living. Wish I could enjoy the time with my son on the walks etc guilt free but as it is I end up sobbing like a baby everything I’ve missed, times I’ve put going out with my mate into town over my family, times I spent with my family but on spending stupid amounts of money on them try to buy them I suppose some sort of compensation for having me. It’s awful stuck between enjoying being with them and distraught with myself. Do everything I can to try to stop it but I can’t. On the few times it’s not happened it’s been amazing to be with my wife and son just enjoying the things a normal family does. Spending is right down too and not thinking about it beyond updating my budget/ looking for days out and considering costs etc. No hourly !!!!!! stupid thought of needing to buy my wife another Balmain or whatever.

Do try to laugh it off, only way really but I’m not in a good place. Goes the same every time feel terrible after doing it but so off it I’m thinking I’ll never do it again then whole cycle repeats itself, never get to the point of long term staying away. Never have. I’ve done enough therapy/ reading to know what it is. At the point I don’t really have much faith in myself that I’ll stay off it now tbh thought that near 10 weeks that I’d never do it again got complacent and the moment it was on offer I didn’t even care. Haven’t stopped hating myself for not being able to say no thanks. Know my family deserve better than this. Told myself for years my wife didn’t know it was as frequent as it was she knew hard not to know. Her mates knew, she’d told them. On the money front I’ve spent a lot of money on it past five or so years constant pattern of doing it, regretting it, saying I’ll never do it again and starting all over again. Spending obscene amounts of money on things either when I’m on it or on the comedown because I feel like !!!!!!.

No faith in the long term being off the spending either it’s been fine in the lockdown and I’ve got a really decent plan that if I can stick by I’ve probably set myself up for life solvent personally, decent business plan driven by sound planning, realistic growth and well thought out contingency planning. Lot of leverage there still but thought out to unwind to the point of having no PGs, not so worried about growth in numbers at the expense of being on the very edge of what’s acceptable risk wise. Thought through first time in my life both business and personal. Wife on board not even wanting the BS anymore willing to lose mates over them trying to get her back on IG. All she wants to do is support me and focus on her less destructive hobbies. No one more angry with me than I am with myself tbh. Lockdown going to end and I’m going to be offered it again I know that and I need to be in a strong enough place to say I don’t do it anymore. I’m 40 years old with a wife and son I should have grown out of sniffing questionable powders in pub toilets years ago. Got a good business that gives me a good income and standard of living but it’s not enough for me, think about it in this way and it cuts me up 100%- I know it should be enough work life I dreamt of as a kid, nice place to call home, family of my own, nice car on the drive, enough money to live on and have a few treats whilst I’m dealing with my debts and a really !!!!!! good level of disposable when I’ve paid my debts off but it’s not enough. Nothing is ever enough for me never has been half driven me, half destroyed me.  

@maddiemay ha yeah need that lol. Actually doing the anger management sessions leave it feeling amazing but in the moment fail to do it.

alt80

New day, get back on the programme properly and stop going down the same roads. Glad I’ve not spent any money tbh. Thankful my wife wouldn’t let me out the house too yesterday. I would’ve done it know that much. Absolute stupidity.

Wife mentioned booking appointments to see some cars make the move to say goodbye to the bmw. I don’t think I can do it right now. She’s looking seriously at the ipace and eqc as we’d said previously put it through the business. I’ve got an xjs I’m interested in but not doing anything about as it just doesn’t seem right and we can completely eliminate the bmw payment running costs etc if we do buy one of the electric cars through the business. Saw a Honda e in the flash and it’s tiny so not bothering with that. Going to have to acknowledge my mate with the MG soon really managed to avoid him but he sent me another couple of messages. Yeah I’ve let the car stuff get into my head again some of the reason why I’ve been thinking about turning back to the stuff know that it’s a contributing factor.

enthusiasticsaver

I think it is fairly obvious from your recent posts that you are suffering from withdrawal from the coke  but good you are taking up the support and that your wife and her parents are behind you. The thoughts you are having are all a result of the drugs interfering with your brain chemistry. The obsession either of not being good enough, regrets for past behaviour and craving the highs either through substances or OTP buying stuff plus the anger that sometimes shows up about your childhood You know the cycle but only you can break it. Hopefully the therapists are given you the tools to help you and you have a plan. Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step so at least you are now doing that. 


 Drugs destroy lives and yours could be so good if you can turn your back on them and the people who use them. Make this the time you turn away from them for good even if you have to take the residential programme. We are all behind you but as I said the money situation is secondary to the substance abuse so you have to sort that first and get yourself in a strong enough place to resist. That may mean cutting people out of your life who are going to want you back with them on drugs. I hope you can do it. Do it for your son and wife as well as yourself. 

We are doing Longleat Centre Parcs at  May half term with the family and it is expensive so that £150 for spends may be a bit low although your PIL may be like us and treat you or is it just your wife and son going now? The restaurants and activities are fairly expensive and the Longleat one has refurbished the spa so we are definitely going to use some of the treatments there. Is it the whole family going with your wife's siblings etc?