First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

not so great i-pace story been hitting the news


https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/jaguar-land-rover-roasted-after-20361154


wondering if yours RR went could you outdo the Giles Coren rant........

warby68

Do the pros give you any insight into managing/getting rid of the destructive thoughts for the longer term @alt80? It sounds a bit negative to say it but its obvious not much has changed yet in your true unguarded feelings - its more like you're just pushing them away, squashing them down rather than actually getting on top of them and changing your fundamental beliefs. 

Its still a bit like 2 people talking and it must be torture.

Glad you managed not to spend or waver other than in your own head and hope the rest of the week is easier.





 

RelievedSheff

It is a lovely sunny day today. Here's hoping you have a great day Alt. 

alt80

Being completely honest I’ve not entirely stayed away from it. Managed to convince myself I’ve been doing it in such small quantities I’m staying away from it. Last night owned up in the meeting but still trying to convince the rest of the world and myself I’m not back to day 1 yet again. So !!!!!! ashamed of myself it’s unreal I need to get a !!!!!! grip know that much. I didn’t even want to admit to it on here ha not that it matters lol, just been doing it but trying to keep my life together not even anything different from normal think I need the stuff to be normal fml I did have nearly 10 weeks off and I felt a lot better generally but it started a bit before and I did do it once during the 10 weeks. I’m !!!!!! terrified to leave home go on the full time programme but I don’t want this for the rest of my life either. I’m doing it more frequently but lesser quantity have been for a while generally hate myself for it. Started getting paranoid idk why not really done it a lot quantity wise the other night I was up with the panic attacks. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever anymore just wrecking my own and family life probably why the guilt is so bad right now. It is costing me money too but I’m being disciplined about that.

Only the pros know I can’t tell my wife she’s really trying to work through the family therapy but the pros say I need to tell her suggested during the family therapy session and I think they might tell her if I don’t. Tbh she’s really trying to support me and the guilt is unreal half wish she’d go leave me to destroy myself half can’t tell her because she might go. I want to get well have a good life. 

Got my refinance happening tbh it’s going to make things really stretched to get to my ltv I’m there need to pull the trigger and get on start getting out of the mess but not had my reserves that low in a very long time that’s tripping me off a bit even though I’ve got a sound plan all costed out, talked through with my accountant I’m just !!!!!! losing it.

@getmore4less ha probably lol love a good rant I do. 😆

warby68

Have to say I wondered about more slips - your language changes so much at times and there has to be a reason why you're not really progressing mentally.

Is it time to give resi rehab another think?

It will be very destructive if wife finds out when she is being so supportive if it drags on.

Your addiction is obviously very powerful and you've been bargaining with yourself that a bit would be ok - I think that's fairly classic slippery slope.

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver my in-laws have offered to pay for the entire trip. That’s not helping makes me feel like some kind of charity case. I offered to pay half they refused said it would be nice to treat their grandson and us idk either take it on face value or deal with the fact my FIL thinks I’m such failure in life I can’t take my son away from a few days. 

Just us and them going the week my son is off but schools generally aren’t. I’ll end up buying something I’m sure. We’re not going to that one, going to the one in Bedfordshire. 

alt80

@warby68 I spend a lot of time justifying it to myself tbh I hate it if I could never think about it again and move to the Outer !!!!!! Hebrides or somewhere you can’t get it anyway I think I’d be ok. 

I know I need to consider going.

strawb_shortcake

Your PIL treating you to Center parcs isn't charity, it's a nice gesture that lots of people do to different degrees, an ice cream, day out a holiday and all sorts in between. 
Maybe take them for a meal to say thank you or offer to cook whilst you are away. It's a normal part of family life.

Get the help you need, your wife will find out one way or the other, but it might be easier to forgive if your confession is part of committing to proper help

alt80

@annabanana82 I need to start believing that tbh stop being paranoid about people’s intentions.

Know I need to give the stuff up for good and want to. Did your brother give it up forever?

FootyFanDan

Hey, just dropping in - not read much of the last few day posts so need to catch up, but judging by the last few posts it seems a slip up as occurred. It seems like the good you is battling with the coke version of you mate, go get the support you need. It is okay to need support and help, the wife despite the hammer she takes on here seems to want to support you and see you become the family man she and your son both need. It also seems like you much more level headed and happier when enjoying the family. Ditch the so called friend and focus on you and the family. Everyone is routing for you! It is normally evident to a few on here when you are on it, so would be surprised if the wife doesn't have her suspicions. 

You can do this!