First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Being on here really have started to sort my finances out no one really told me anything I didn’t know beyond get a grip over it and have a bit more respect for the money that end up in your own hands ha just decided to put it into action think about it a bit more and take it more seriously. Need the same attitude to stopping the other stuff quit the excuses. Don’t find staying away from the spending easy but I’m doing that. Think about spending on stupid stuff but don’t press the trigger like the element of control over it tbh knowing I’m not loading card after card. Miss my ftype, wish I’d kept that and got rid of the bmw tbf that’s something I would have done differently I think but best place I’ve been financially personally speaking. Business in a different place too now I’ve not got the whole dev block saga hanging over me. Has been better in the past before I refinanced tbh and I’m concerned about something coming up and sparking off a bit of a cash flow issue once I’ve got this refinance out the way. Keep talking to the right people accountant etc and I’ve got funds open to me if I need them to smooth things over so I know it’s not the end of the world there. Refinance will see me adding 3 units from dev block and rate down etc so it’s the right move know that just a bit stretched as !!!!!! always. Do have some significant costs coming up in main business all accounted for etc but i just get a bit anxious when my reserves are down in business laugh all you like know if I was the same in my personal life I’d be a lot better off ha. Life should be good know that 100%. 

Off the stuff and I’m wrecked so !!!!!! tired after working I can hardly keep my eyes open. Honestly think if my gp would give me a prescription for a stronger stimulant than half a tonne of caffeine a day Ritalin or whatever I’d be alright and stay away. That’s what I mean by normal. Half laughing at myself having !!!!!! panic attacks over the idea I might end up with the AZ vaccine for the COVID jab was in a bad way about that fml.

I hate myself on it tbh all well and good saying stop measuring yourself by material possessions but when that’s all you’ve got that’s good about yourself or better than a lot, it does at least make me feel a bit better about myself. Yeah I know it’s no way to live, I want my wife and son to have the best of everything too makes up for having someone like me or at least goes some way.

Definitely in the addictive cycle I know that want to break off with it. Comes from me know that too. It’s ultimately my choice to say I don’t do it anymore. 

efes_shareholder

@alt80

It appears to me you have a self destruct button that you are hell bent on pressing , you fear your wife and son leaving but that could very well be a reality if you don't get a handle on this , I'm not sure I would blame them. Drugs ruin lives basically and the only winner is the dealer for as long as he manages to avoid upsetting other dealers and doesn't end up with a bullet in his face.
You say you want change but do you want it enough or will you convince yourself that "just a bit" won't do any damage and then buy the wife her expensive choices because you feel guilty for letting her down - its a never ending circle until someone jumps off , thats either you but find the courage to beat this addiction or your wife when she will no longer tolerate the cycle.
What gets me is a few weeks ago you were convinced you had health issues , possibly done yourself some damage with years of abuse and concerned about the condition of your heart yet you still want to stuff this stuff laced with god knows what up your nostrils.

As an ex smoker I'm not in a position to preach about addictions and I know they can really get grip people but please take yourself in to a corner and have a very firm word about where you want your life to go 

alt80

Might not seem like it but I am concerned about my health. Really concerned tbh. Can’t turn the clock back and it cuts me up all that thinking about the past leads me back to the same paths idk. I know it’s no good for anyone I hate myself for doing it and no I wouldn’t blame her for walking away from me for good either. 

On the if I moved I would be ok thoughts today sell everything go and live near my parents’ old place, set up in life again: new home, new business. Get a cheap Vantage  or a Conti GT go to my parents’ place for lunch never even been since they left and meant to be nice. Could buy it have it back if they’d sell it I could get a management team get my dad back by popular demand. Be like old times maybe idk probably just be weird bit tragic or something trying to find people I went to school with ha. Yeah I know it’s the thoughts everyone like me has. Can’t do it though it’d kill me to give my current business up no matter how much money someone gave me. On the brain dump again waiting for someone to answer phone again lol.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Might not seem like it but I am concerned about my health. Really concerned tbh. Can’t turn the clock back and it cuts me up all that thinking about the past leads me back to the same paths idk. I know it’s no good for anyone I hate myself for doing it and no I wouldn’t blame her for walking away from me for good either. 

On the if I moved I would be ok thoughts today sell everything go and live near my parents’ old place, set up in life again: new home, new business. Get a cheap Vantage  or a Conti GT go to my parents’ place for lunch never even been since they left and meant to be nice. Could buy it have it back if they’d sell it I could get a management team get my dad back by popular demand. Be like old times maybe idk probably just be weird bit tragic or something trying to find people I went to school with ha. Yeah I know it’s the thoughts everyone like me has. Can’t do it though it’d kill me to give my current business up no matter how much money someone gave me. On the brain dump again waiting for someone to answer phone again lol.

I find it intriguing that you say you didn't like your upbringing and that you felt that you missed out on things growing up. Yet now you want to bring it back.

ladyholly

Alt stop talking rubbish. Materials possessions are not all you have. You have a good income, 2 businesses, a wife who obviously cares for and about you or she would have walked long ago and and a son who loves being with you. You have the world but you are so busy with self pity and guilt you can't see it.

Face it you are a drug addict. Only you can make the decision to get clean but as an alcoholic is always an alcolic you will always be a drug addict. Every day you choose not to take cocaine but every day you and only you can make that choice but be aware if you take the wrong path you will at some point be likely to hit rock bottom and lose everything and I don't mean possessions. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff idk probably just want to go back to being a kid - back to when you’re going to conquer the world not end up juggling money around to get to ltv and on the chang at 10am. Back when I was a kid I thought I’d have hundreds of units, live in a mansion and all the supercars I ever wanted. Genuinely thought it would happen for me supreme levels of confidence no idea why but I did have thought I’d be a lot richer than I am. Only thoughts I’ve had recently tbh re going back in the last year or so on and off realising my life here not all that maybe idk. Actually got a lot of good memories, some good some not so like everyone really. 

CRANKY40

You keep talking about ritalin yet when I suggested that you go for diagnosis you said you had enough on and couldn't cope with anything else.  Incidentally my nephew had ADHD and was medicated with ritalin. It did help but he was taken off it when he was 15 as he said that he felt like he was living in slow motion while the rest of the world went past him. I'm not sure that's the effect that you're aiming for. 

Replacing illegal drugs with prescription ones isn't the answer anyway. Elvis thought he was OK because he only took prescription drugs. You should read what was in his body the night he died....all prescribed. My alcoholic aunty once drank a bottle of Night Nurse when there was no booze available. Addicts do anything to get their fix. There's no easy way to do withdrawal and replacing the c..p you've been taking with pills is not the solution that you are looking for I promise you.  You'll just end up with another problem.   

Legs21

I really think you should check into rehab. The sooner, the better. Just from reading your posts over the last week the erratic mood swings and jumbled up thoughts and solutions to your drug addiction is getting you nowhere. I don’t think you can do it on your own with just a counsellor. I think you need to check in and be surrounded by professionals who can help you 24/7. From an outside perspective looking in I can see that you are really trying but just can’t cope with all the pressure you are putting yourself under to manage everything. You are trying to spin too many plates at the same time. 

Please don’t read this with angry eyes, it’s coming from a place of concern for your well-being and future happiness.

stymied

Contact your MG mate. He’s concerned about you. You don’t have to arrange to meet up, just say you’re going through some stuff at the moment and appreciate his friendship.

alt80

Yeah I’m not coping with anything work family life none of it. Completely burnt out from life. Have had the burn out before get to the point it gets just about manageable. Doing coke it !!!!!! concentration eventually sounds mad but it does I’ve had my senior guys checking my work load of mistakes all the time and failing to run the show. Meant to be on reduced time working. Not really meant to be working at all but trying to. Guilt is unreal at the thought of telling the guys they’re going to have to look after things for me for a bit but I’m not functioning anymore.

Obsessing if I don’t look at the personal money too the good work will be lost there too but it’s become an obsession on the chang to sit and look at it through the night. Nothing changes it’s fine good plan. Not even looking to make changes just !!!!!! stare at it same with my portfolio plans.

Just seen top of page Costa 50p hot drinks - wife went today was in app for her so she got the 50p coffee lol she thought she got a special offer for her on app everyone has got it ha. Wanted to get away from me for a bit I think but only cost £5 for her and son to get out went for walk coffee and shared a Rocky road biscuit thing. I’ve not been .