First Steps to Solvency

katsu

@alt80 Maybe all the work you are doing on yourself in the intensive sessions is bringing up feelings that are playing out in your drinking? 

Drink is a terrible solution to problems. Excessive drink makes people horrible, as we see in your stranger posts, and I'm sure that like many of us you've known an alcoholic? Don't swap using drugs to relieve your feelings for using booze. 

You are in the hard work stage but you are working through it and I hope you are pleased how many lurkers and new voices are adding support for you.  MSE was an amazing support to me on my road to financial freedom and I've seen it be such a gift to so many others. All these anonymous strangers are here cheering you on.  

Now take 2 paracetamol and maybe get rid of the alcohol you were drinking late at night? Can you put it somewhere out of the way? 

elbree

You don't need to be sorry @alt80 and you DO deserve your wife, your business and the support of strangers.

You have two excellent deputies at work (who you chose and trained) and a good solid financial future thanks to hard work and planning on your debts. Now is an ideal time to step away and sort yourself out.

 Many on here have been through similar experiences with mental health and financial problems. That's why we are happy to try and help but what you need right now is support beyond what we or your family can give you. You deserve a happy future, today will be a better day. 

RelievedSheff

@alt80, you need to do what is best for you and your family right now and if that means stepping away from the business for a month or so then so be it. You have a fantastic team who will look after the business for you while you take the time out to look after yourself.

You can do this.

We are all rooting for you.

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt you have got to step away for as long as it takes.

What would you do in this situation?

You walk out of the office to go and get your daily Starbucks fix.

You are knocked down by a tram.

You break both arms, both legs and your jaw.

You can't use your hands and you can't talk as your jaw is wired together.

Just think, the business would survive.

Humdinger1

@alt80 catching up and still not totally up to date with your diary, but just wanted to say that although you don't see it, you are doing brilliantly.   Having been in therapy for several issues over the years, I can say that digging out the anger and pain hurts like hell but it is cleansing.  Expressing your feelings about your parents felt like a real breakthrough moment to me; you're recovering.   The coke and shopping were anesthetic; well done for moving on.  

Onebrokelady

You also need to give your body more time to get back to it's normal rhythm instead of the hyper state it's in when you are using. It will take time and a complete break to get your body back to normal, then you need a healthy lifestyle with good food, ( not just  chicken salad) proper sleep and routines to give you the energy to function. You have yet to have a long enough break away from the drug to see how your body will eventually recover and gain energy but it will given time 

getmore4less

Get yourself into rehab,  perfect excuse not to go to Centre Parks

theoretica

In your job you sound like you are a good boss to your employees - but not such a good boss to yourself.  In the long run I think you need to turn your attention to treating yourself as efficiently as you treat your staff.  What is your job role description and does it fit well into 40 hours or whatever the working week for your business is?

What exactly are the job duties that you personally need to do and if you don't the business will suffer? When do they need to be done? What are the things you like doing in addition that other people can do instead?

You have your personal finances well tracked now - and could turn a similar analytical mindset to your time.  Time spent can be put on a scale - productive, negative or neutral.  At the moment you are trying to push all 24 hours into being positive, and that doesn't work for anyone and you end up slipping into negative.  You need to concentrate on swapping the negative into neutral - when you are asleep you aren't giving yourself a hangover, for instance.  Like the doctor's oath - first do no harm.

enthusiasticsaver

You have a good staff team and excellent support from your wife so you have to believe you can do this. You have a plan to sort your finances and a counselling team to help you through this stage. Nothing else matters except you getting clean and sober. You have to do what you can to really focus on nothing other than ditching drugs and alcohol. Old friends don't matter. If they are good friends who don't do drugs they will still be there when your willpower is stronger. Getting to the next level and cars don't matter but your health does. If you do not really throw everything at getting clean nothing else will matter. Please do it for you and your family. Otherwise it is such a waste as you deserve a good life. 

SanguineGina

@alt80 I have no experience of drug addiction/recovery  so this might sound counterintuitive but if the addict part of your brain sees 10 days clean or 5 weeks clean etc as a reason to reward yourself with some coke because you've done so well abstaining for that long, then isn't it self defeating counting the days? Wouldn't it be more effective to just mark the date on your phone/ calendar as a 'this is the last day that I used coke' day ?

I haven't read all your diary so I might have this wrong but I get the impression that you really really really want an Aston Martin and have factored in plans for it being doable in a few years re finances.  Is your desire to own an Aston Martin greater than your desire for coke? Could you use your desire for an Aston Martin by linking the attainment of that to your recovery? So for example if at the moment your plans are to get an Aston Martin in 3 years time, how about making it conditional on having been clean for say at least  1000 days as well? Could even do a ticking off the days till I get my Aston Martin thing/chart.  If you have a set back with the coke then you just reset and start the 1000 days again - yep, it's supposed to make you not want to have to start the 1000 days again!

Also how about some repetitive positive self talk? Eg I am clean, I am successful, I am strong etc. Will probably sound ridiculous to you as you say it aloud or silently, given your current state of mind but so what - your subconscious will still hear it, so think of it as an experiment until you realise it actually is true.
 
All the best to you and your family for the days ahead.