First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Your father is talking from experience. He has made the mistakes. He is trying to stop you making the same mistakes.

Your father does have a very valid point though and your level of spending is ridiculous.

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

First day the shops are open and I’m thinking about a walk around JL later fml. Know I don’t need this and need to stay away and on the programme but could just spend a load of money right now. My mate emailed me too, going to AM on Friday I can’t do it know that 100% need to stay on the programme might book a fee earner or something that day so I don’t get tempted to !!!!!! the therapy off and go to Leeds. Def easier to carry on with pre lockdown life than do this first day opening everyone in the shops, wife had her hair done, restaurants open tonight 100% people will be out having fun and I’m stuck in on the programme.

@CRANKY40 I usually get on with my parents really well just don’t like being told by my dad that my spending level is ridiculous and I shouldn’t have got in nearly £100k debt to Land Rover when he’s !!!!!! his finances so much he ended up living in a tiny flat in the middle of !!!!!! nowhere in a foreign country. 100% hypocrisy.

What advice do you think your Dad should have given you? And what advice would you give your Son if he approached you in future with similar problems?

getmore4less

As mentioned the jacket thing could be the druggy in you looking for a fix and it is part of a cycle.


I think it is still a manifestation of your image(look at me) issues when you talked about dressing her up and stalking were she was the best dressed around town.

No one else cared except you.


Be smart try to get some value from what you have, don't need a new one, suggest she wears one of her existing jackets out for dinner(lunch) even go as far as suggesting which colour you like her in the most. 

getmore4less

before I forget, did the Aldi 2.0(rib eye)  last night

https://www.aldi.co.uk/28-day-matured-2-ribeye-steaks/p/704100362443800

I dab dry and lightly salt then leave in the fridge uncovered for at least 8 hours turning one(overnight is better)

because of the weight they are a bit on the thin side for BBQ so come out medium, should pan fry great if you can get one really hot.



Taste was good and tender so no reason not to purchase again, decent portion for a meal,  a touch small if wanting to pig, I get 1.5 anyway the OH is not into big portions.

simple jacket sweet potato, grilled onion and a load or Portobello filled the plate 

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

First day the shops are open and I’m thinking about a walk around JL later fml. Know I don’t need this and need to stay away and on the programme but could just spend a load of money right now. My mate emailed me too, going to AM on Friday I can’t do it know that 100% need to stay on the programme might book a fee earner or something that day so I don’t get tempted to !!!!!! the therapy off and go to Leeds. Def easier to carry on with pre lockdown life than do this first day opening everyone in the shops, wife had her hair done, restaurants open tonight 100% people will be out having fun and I’m stuck in on the programme.

@CRANKY40 I usually get on with my parents really well just don’t like being told by my dad that my spending level is ridiculous and I shouldn’t have got in nearly £100k debt to Land Rover when he’s !!!!!! his finances so much he ended up living in a tiny flat in the middle of !!!!!! nowhere in a foreign country. 100% hypocrisy.

Your Dad is advising you from a position of regret by the sounds of it.  Maybe he messed up so badly they had to leave the country instead of choosing to swan off into the sunset, they are now stuck living in a place they might not actually want to be in because he messed up so badly they can't come back. They might just be making the best of a bad situation and just haven't told you and your sister that this is the case, maybe they didn't come back for the wedding etc because just they couldn't afford to come back but are too ashamed to tell you 
I have drummed it into my girls not to get into debt and they know I have had debt to pay off before but they don't know Im in even more debt now than I have ever been. I don't want them to know because I am too ashamed and also don't want them to worry about me. I make excuses about not being able to afford things and they accept it because I'm on a low income.Parents don't tell their children everything. 
I also have a complicated relationship which my parents and although I love them as people I do resent some of their past and current behaviour and that does effect the way I have done things in the past. My childhood was disrupted and I have paid a price for that ,it sounds like you are too 

alt80

@getmore4less thanks mate re steak might give me an excuse to get out of the house got her !!!!!! watching me like a hawk today lol. I pan fry it dash of olive oil and some seasoning job done. Really could fancy that tonight tbh now.

@annabanana82 / @RelievedSheff idk what I’d say tbh. Not excuses from me what my parents do is up to them just pointing out the fact is my dad is a massive hypocrite all the BS chat like ‘takes some people years to earn what I owe to Land Rover’ like I don’t know. Treating me like I’m some spoilt little kid. Says it’s not even funny etc know him, my mum and my sister are talking about me 100% in some private chat so if they think I’m going there to be lectured about this they can forget it. Sister married a !!!!!! saint and has no drive. Earns !!!!!! all because she cba same as her boring husband but suddenly my dad thinks she’s some sort of !!!!!! example for me to follow fml my house is worth twice what hers is and ten !!!!!! fold what his is worth. I’m the one with the 7 figure portfolio and he’s telling me my spending levels are stupid and I should move on from my ftype. Sun out what the !!!!!! does he think I want to do. 

enthusiasticsaver

Your anger levels seem sky high today so I think you need to concentrate on your therapy.  My screen is red with exclamation marks

Obviously your Dad has made a mess of his finances so you are right he is being a bit of a hypocrite but perhaps as someone else says he is trying to stop you going down the same road and that can happen whatever your income as you well know. You cannot pretend that your spending is not what got you into the financial mess you were in but you are getting on top of it so focus on that and don't let the opening up of things or your latest falling off the wagon be the reason for you going back into spending mode. 

It is not nice for you to deride your sister and her husband for choosing a different lifestyle to you. Who cares whether they have drive or an expensive house or what they earn? In the end it does not matter so long as they are happy and satisfied with their life.  Every so often this need for you to brag about your salary and house and portfolio really shows that deep down you feel you are better than them. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@getmore4less thanks mate re steak might give me an excuse to get out of the house got her !!!!!! watching me like a hawk today lol. I pan fry it dash of olive oil and some seasoning job done. Really could fancy that tonight tbh now.

@annabanana82 / @RelievedSheff idk what I’d say tbh. Not excuses from me what my parents do is up to them just pointing out the fact is my dad is a massive hypocrite all the BS chat like ‘takes some people years to earn what I owe to Land Rover’ like I don’t know. Treating me like I’m some spoilt little kid. Says it’s not even funny etc know him, my mum and my sister are talking about me 100% in some private chat so if they think I’m going there to be lectured about this they can forget it. Sister married a !!!!!! saint and has no drive. Earns !!!!!! all because she cba same as her boring husband but suddenly my dad thinks she’s some sort of !!!!!! example for me to follow fml my house is worth twice what hers is and ten !!!!!! fold what his is worth. I’m the one with the 7 figure portfolio and he’s telling me my spending levels are stupid and I should move on from my ftype. Sun out what the !!!!!! does he think I want to do. 

Perhaps he is treating you like a spoilt little child because that is how you act?

A spoilt child has tantrums when they cant have what they want. Ring any bells?

You still don't get that how much you earn is not an indication of happiness. If your sister doesn't need any more money why should she earn it at the expense of spending time with her family. Life isn't all about money. It is about enjoying what you have and making happy memories with your family.

No one gives a toss about your 7 figure portfolio or your £100k car on the drive (which most certainly won't be worth £100k now). It is the person that they see, not their possessions. 

ladyholly

Possessions are totally irrelevant to happiness. The important thing is what you are. Not what you have. 

efes_shareholder

we come in to this world with nothing and essentially that is how we leave it - we may be able to leave our families the fruits of our labour but ultimately what we accumulate along the way will change our final destination.

Do I want to leave my family with wonderful memories of times spent together and advice I gave , Funny moments , wise moments and silly times and happy thoughts  - ultimately I think that legacy has no price and is far more valuable to them then filling their bank accounts.

I'm sorry but if you think the success of life is measured on material possessions then you will always be poor