First Steps to Solvency

CRANKY40

If you have to buy something, why don't you buy something for the garden that you can all play. A badminton set, or something daft like swingball. You could always lower the tone of the neighbourhood completely and hire a bouncy castle for the weekend 😊

getmore4less

Maybe buy a time lock for the home office door, locks between 6pm and 8am

or

IOU post-it/vouchers love coupons

https://blog.personalizationmall.com/inspiration/ideas-for-love-coupons.html

Bargainhunter30

I love how you go for an early night at 11pm, that's a late one for me these days (not even 40 yet, life has changed 😂).

I've read lots about the law of attraction recently and they say what you give, you get back. So give your family lots of love and time. Also by talking about what you dont want to happen, it goes into your subconscious and is more likely to happen, so thinking you are going to fail makes it inevitable. Start telling yourself that you will get through this, you are a success and this isnt going to beat you. Or even better imagine what your life will be like when you have moved on, the family days, no money stress, a feeling of contentment!

alt80

Day 9

Predicted variable spends WC 5/4/21
Food - £95/£100
Alcohol - £0/£0
Coffee out - £10/£10 5/4, £15 (10/4 / 11/4) - didn’t bother today
Fuel - £115/£150 
Entertainment - £0/£0

Items from N&W budgets (new spends)
£0/£0

Upcoming planned spends
Wedding anniversary £385 (includes the treatments etc) but this is now fully accounted for and agreed
8/5/21 first meal out of freedom £75 est. should be a max cost.
Greece hol
Centreparcs - £150? For spends?


Thanks all. I’m whacked so no proper replies sorry. Another bad night on the sleep front - if I got 4 hours in total I’d be surprised.

Good day in some ways - been out for a long walk bit further from home with family and a drive in the RR. Finding things very difficult though I’m not going lie my wife drove back from the walk and I was in a bad place mentally thinking about everything I’ve missed out on, them putting up with me through the way I chose to live my life. The rehab was really !!!!!! hard today tbh but I know the more I hate myself the more I’ll want to spend and snort cocaine, that’s no future. Keep looking at various items of high end designer stuff for my wife can’t get by the mentality of wanting to buy it for her. Bit of compensation for putting up with me.

@RelievedSheff hard to change the habits of a lifetime I suppose mate but thanks.

@ladyholly thanks I’m working on the guilt about being around in my therapy not helping a great deal right now but hope it will. I don’t want to be left on my own without them but def need to get my head together again.

@CRANKY40 ha my wife would love something for the garden thanks. I’d never think of anything like that lol but they’d both love it.  

@getmore4less just had a look through that list lot there she’d love. Would make her wonder what the !!!!!! was happening to me mate haha but thanks might have to give it a go. As for the office yeah she’d like that as well.

@Bargainhunter30 haha night is still young at midnight lol. Tbf I’ll be having early one again tonight, I’m completely whacked. Tbh it’s them giving me love and time I don’t deal with too well vicious cycle of thinking I don’t deserve them, behaving badly, wife being angry because I’ve been neglectful of family/ on the coke and it all starting again.

RelievedSheff

You can't keep thinking like that. 

ladyholly

You must stop being so negative. If your wife didn't want to be with you she would have stayed at her parents. By having family time you are giving them the most precious thin you can. Your time. You have made mistakes - who hasn't but they are irrelevant now. You can't change them but you can give them the new improved version of you. Stop looking back it is destructive to you and your thinking. 

alt80

Day 10

Not doing too well. Been to in-laws for a couple of hours and done the therapy. I know I need to modify my thinking 100% some days definitely easier than others. I know buying the balmain for my wife is more of the same. I can get it for her if I use my budget that I’m determined not to use and forget about that going towards a sinking fund if not used by the end of the year. She’s been asking me for this particular jacket for a while and it’s got £250 off right now. Idk seems like the wrong thing to do really but would be nice to get it for her she could wear it for first post lockdown meal out I’m thinking. Sounds mental I know but I quite like dressing her up lol.

Wife has £140 from an item she’s sold told me she thinks it should go towards the swimsuit she bought idk. She’s still going through stuff slowly. Reckons she has a few things she wants to get rid of and told me if the girls she does nails for get her back on IG she’s going to finish doing it for good which I think is fair enough. She’s not really been into the whole ‘unreal’ look for the past couple of weeks said she’s not going to be spending as much on beauty treatments, done with the fillers etc but she’s the first one in for hair tomorrow only she could have the 8.30am appointment first day back from covid haha. 

getmore4less

Ummm if you are not careful that £75 for first  meal out will turn into (£jacket-£250)+£75, what happened has she sold all the other jackets in the different colours? 

How often have any of these jackets ever been worn?

Start sorting out those jobs round the house that need doing you need to find a higher priority for that money.

Have you looked for copycat Balmain there seem to be plenty around even VB does copies.

No second hand ones about buy wear sell rent the look.

look what this women did with her desire for the look
https://styleofbeyond.co.uk/pages/about-us


Had to have a little laugh  this week, I have a Amazon list with some TV stands in it, the one I fancied went out of stock ages ago then came back in stock this and had gone up in price.... checked it went on the list in Nov
Guess I don't really need it. .




Just to cheer me up it has started snowing here and I was planning to do Aldi steak 2.0(ribeye edition) tonight.

The pub opens tomorrow guessing it will be cold, they were there to day sorting,  the benches are all ready and I spoke to the bouncer and they will start at 5pm

Grumpelstiltskin

Has your wife actually asked you  to buy the jacket since she has been  back from her parents?

If the answer is no then you will know you are more important than any jacket.

warby68

Try and ditch the Balmain craving - its a pattern you're trying to get away from. The Balmain is OTT even for your income level truthfully apart from very occasional treats. Just do a a few sums - minimum wage earner spends what on a jacket ? £15 from Primark maybe. So the Balmain is 100x that. Are you on £900 an hour? Not quite. I know its a bit of a silly sum but just trying to show the proportions argument. You're aiming for a life where this 'stuff' is so much less important too.

Wife still likes her fixes but you don't want to get back on the slippery slope. The aim is for her to move on as well. There are other ways to dress up than £1500 blazers in a new colour. I'd have thought some of her favourite fragrance that you love too will be a good gift when the time is right. If she's run out, presented just before you go out or away for the first time would be really nice. Its a lovely, personal, gift - still not cheap but a much more realistic level than before.