First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

If your wife is genuinely working to move away from expensive designer clothes then you feeding this habit won't be productive or particularly kind in the long run.

If you get to the end of the year with your budget unspent then is the time to think about what if anything you want to do with it.  At the moment it seems to be burning a hole in your pocket.

alt80

She’s not asked for the jacket, says she’s not bothered tbh. Idk it’s not the right thing to do, know that 100%. She’s not sold the 3 she’s got. No plans to.

Idk partly reminiscing on when I dress her up once did it for her to go out with her nail mates once, they turned up in their cheap throwaway stuff and my wife looked in a different league. Me and my mate followed them around town watching her and her mates. Fml half look back think it’s a bit odd tbh but it is what it is. All the girls round here don’t wear the kind of stuff I dress my wife in.

Grumpelstiltskin

Hang on it's 2021.

The way you talk about your wife's clothes is 50 years out of date.

I'm almost old enough to be your grandmother but even in my younger days I wore what I wanted not what my husband wanted.

As for following her around town that is just creepy.

RelievedSheff

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Hang on it's 2021.

The way you talk about your wife's clothes is 50 years out of date.

I'm almost old enough to be your grandmother but even in my younger days I wore what I wanted not what my husband wanted.

As for following her around town that is just creepy.

Completely agree. That's is utterly weird and wrong in so many ways.

@alt80 you really do need to get  grasp of reality as much as your wife does.

warby68

That is seriously weird @alt80

You 'dressed' your wife then followed her around. 

You sound a total creepy freak with that

One for the counselling and soon if those ideas are coming back.

Sun_Addict

That’s so wrong. You can buy a lot with money but it will never buy you class.

ladyholly

I think everyone has said it. Your wife is a person not a doll.

Forget the jacket she doesnt need it or want it. What she wants is you to be clean and present in the family not plotting what you can buy her to try to take away your guilt for the past which is pointless as you cantchange the past as has been said many time. Think of the future you have so much going for you.

alt80

Day 10

Predicted variable spends WC 5/4/21
Food - £95/£100
Alcohol - £0/£0
Coffee out - £10/£10 5/4, £15 (10/4 / 11/4) - didn’t bother this weekend
Fuel - £115/£150 
Entertainment - £0/£0

Items from N&W budgets (new spends)
£0/£0

Upcoming planned spends
Wedding anniversary £385 (includes the treatments etc) but this is now fully accounted for and agreed
8/5/21 first meal out of freedom £75 est. should be a max cost.
Greece hol
Centreparcs - £150? For spends?


I do need to resist buying the jacket for her, I was thinking I could dress her for the post lockdown meal out together. I shouldn’t be thinking like that tbh I’ve done the abusive husband session some of what I do isn’t right I know that and am working on it carrying on with the sessions though I’m the only one who’s never laid a finger on her, I accept I’m the one who introduced her to the clothes etc had control issues I know that half the reason she’s doing the family counselling. She likes the clothes etc but mainly it’s me who’s bought most of it over the years. She reckons she’s done with it, thinks we both need to focus on our time as a family walking in the countryside etc. Son did his photojournal today I started it with him but couldn’t finish it. Every time I do what I ought to be doing all I can think about is what I’ve usually chosen to do with my time thats less good for my family, end up in a bad place mentally. Had to leave the room today went to my office total breakdown. Some nice hours too let my head forget the past just enjoyed being with my family in the moment but some really bad thoughts craving the stuff, looking at things to buy etc not sure it’ll ever go. 

Yeah money can’t buy class quite aware I fall pretty low on that scale.

enthusiasticsaver

You are almost talking about your wife as a possession?  Dressing her almost like a doll?? That is seriously weird. Treating her to nice things every now and again is a nice thing to do but I would think my husband had gone mad if he bought a £1500 jacket for me without running that past me first.  £1500 is crazy money for something which only gets worn occasionally.  If you get that for her when she is trying to move away from that lifestyle you will put her right back in a bad place just as your mate did the other day for you. 

Let your wife choose her own clothes.  If you buy things you want her to wear rather than things she wants to then you do have control issues.  

ladyholly

Abuse is not only physical. Saying I love that dress or whatever is fine but expecting your wife to wear what you choose is abuse. She is her own person with her own taste let her express it. You may not like what she chooses but respect her choices. How would you feel if she decided to dress you.Think about it.

Why are you letting your thoughts  become negative during family time. You need to concentrate on your wife and son at those times. The time for reflection is with your counsellor. Have you thought about setting aside a set amount  of thinking time and then putting aside those negative thoughts. Hard I know but run it past your counsellor and see what they think.