First Steps to Solvency

Bargainhunter30

alt80 said:

Thanks the pros say I need to do that give me the exercises. I am doing them. Think it is like a 300kg man starting out in fitness tbh. 

Need to face the car and not be a let down 100%. Nice weather at least to be out.

 100% like someone starting out in fitness, can't expect to be an Olympian overnight!

alt80

Made it to my in-laws for the day and managed to have a decent enough time not spent much just went for a walk and bought a coffee for family. Thought about if I need to give that up, probably should someday but I think that’s a battle for another day really I’ve got enough to deal with without that tbf keep track of how much I’m spending in those places so will work on cutting it later. Got the data when I think it’s the right time to work on it now isn’t as I think it’s just a small win and got some bigger fish to fry right now. 

Need to stop losing it around my in-laws generally over the cards though. All my general expenses go on my amex card which I now pay in full every month. I felt so judged with the in-laws standing next to me in the coffee shop seeing I handed over a credit card, I walked out and felt the need to inform them that card is paid in full every single month, all spends 100% accounted for; in-laws told me they didn’t even see how I’d paid for the drinks, had the debt convo and understand there’s no massive issue and I shouldn’t really feel the need to justify some £20 spend in Costa fml. Practice the therapy for long enough I am hoping the paranoia will subdue a bit. Do have some weird paranoid thoughts going on generally and does me no favours. Wife was mortified I went off on the credit card rant in public too can’t blame her tbh I’m embarrassed to be with myself sometimes lol. 

Wife back home and I’ve cooked dinner. Just some salmon and salad nothing special but its given my wife a day off. Mil insisted on cooking roast earlier. 

Sitting down in a min with tv on and plan out my coming week. What I’m doing around the therapy/ work, what the wife’s doing, son etc make sure we get some time together as a family each day even a bit of tv in the evening. Only reason wife has agreed to me staying at home and coming back now is for us to spend time as a family whilst son is off school. Start running life like a business and I’ll be ok. 

@CRANKY40 I’m on some spectrum mate, not the normal one lol. Tbf idk leave the pros to sort me out just need to do what they tell me no questions for a bit I think. Don’t need another thing to panic about right now mate but thank you.

@getmore4less my mate with the MG is last one I’ve got left apart from family who doesn’t do drugs tbh. I’ve been ignoring him no reason why just getting obsessed about not having a sports car myself. He offered to give me the car to use for a year if I stored it in my garage - he pays to store the car and has two other classic cars. It’s not a roadster, it’s a GT (hardtop). Idk sometimes feel like taking him up on the offer but wind up overthinking it and hating myself over it.

I’m planning to keep away from my home office tbh mate go into the comm office instead. 

@Bargainhunter30 reading transformations keeping me going right now lol. Lot of people overcome worse in life and got through to other side. 

RelievedSheff

Your in laws will be a great help to you with their support for both you and your wife. I'm sure they do genuinely care about you.

Onebrokelady

Why don't you take your mate up on his offer, you  would be doing each other a favour if he is currently paying to store his car . Do you get cash back on your credit card that's another way of justifying using one 

alt80

Day 3 and planned my week out. Most days similar so wasn’t hard. Have got a few fee earners and a few other things but not working as much so I can do the therapy stuff. Planned a workout each day, walking got to work the wife back up to running again she’s still having physio on her foot but ready to start working on it a bit more now hold each other accountable. Doing my chill app wake up and bedtime. I need to get over the I’m a bit pathetic because I need to do this thoughts, it generally works for me and not as pathetic as getting angry, punching walls, crippled with anxiety and sniffing coke. Not planned anything but a bit of tv past 8pm taking a leaf out of your book @RelievedSheff if I’m tired I’m going to bed doesn’t really matter if its 10pm and getting worked up I need scans when all the pros are telling me I don’t maybe I just need to put some trust in others stop being as much of a control freak that’s not helped me in life much so far can tell you that.

Just getting onto wish lists/ budgets for the week ahead. Not thought about forward planning on a weekly level but do it with food why not the rest? No surprises at the end of week review or if there is makes me think about it. Could just be the control freak thing but something positive is I do think I’m getting somewhere with my general attitude to my personal finances thinking more about it but don’t want to get to the point of severe spend freeze stopping us doing things as a family or what’s the point iyswim. 

@RelievedSheff I think you’re right tbh. I’ve always avoided them we’re very different people but they mean well I spent a long time winding them up and them me. They’ve had a long chat with wife about designer stuff actually and quality being the case to a certain point then just capitalising on branding with clothing/ bags etc 100% true. 

@Onebrokelady that’s at least some of the reason I use it. Used to justify the use of it with that excuse. Ultimately it’s paid in full and just how I manage the day to day spends which I’m happy with it actually doesn’t need justifying to anyone reasoned that people can think what they like really not worth my time getting massively paranoid wondering what others think about what I’m doing. 

Re MG idk need to have a think about it but I should message him, he’s a good mate always has been shouldn’t avoid him for reasons I have.

RelievedSheff

You sound much more relaxed this evening. Its good to hear you in a much more level headed mood.

Here's hoping you have a great week this coming week 😀🤞

alt80

@RelievedSheff thanks mate I am generally. Been a good day. 

Thought over and over whether to close this and stop posting tbh I know I’ve massively embarrassed myself with some things I’ve written on here in a not so sane state of mind. Know I’ve isolated myself from almost everyone accept for my staff/ not so good friends in real life and know it’s also part of addictive/ self destructive behaviour so just decided I’m going to keep on with the journal doesn’t really matter what some randomer on the internet thinks haha and had some really good advice. Some stuff that has made my son happy too at little/ no cost so win win there really too lol.

enthusiasticsaver

You don't need to justify how you pay for stuff.  Almost everything is paid for by card at the moment and  I would not think people notice whether it is debit or credit card. I would take your MG mate up on the offer to store the car in your garage in return for you driving it occasionally if he is up for that.  Gives you a fun car for the interim period and he is not into drugs so another positive influence in your life. 

ladyholly

Glad your feeling somewhat better. Get in touch with your MG mate. He sounds as though he would be good for you. You are right none of us here knows you but we can try to support and advise which you can of course ignore. Have a good week. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver I know realised it’s being paranoid rather than anything else. I don’t know what was going on in my head last week but had some really odd experiences with ridiculous levels of paranoia. Never want to experience that again can tell you that. 

Going to have a think on the MG.

@ladyholly You’re right thanks. Also doing well with my dog he’s been not rewarded for the over silly jumping etc for quite a while. I wouldn’t say he’s really maturing at any rapid rate, he’s still an idiot 100% and still a gravy bone junkie fml but we’ve got somewhere with the jumping about. Wife happy and pleased she can invite one of son’s friends who kept refusing to come to the house due to the dog - kid scared of dogs and my GR wouldn’t hurt a fly but him bouncing off the walls and jumping on the poor kid scared the kid to death by all accounts so big thanks on that one.