First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

Morning Alt, 
Had a few days off and have just caught up. Echo what everyone else is saying. You have to believe what people are telling you though rather than the demons inside. Enthusiastic saver says everything about your mate. Decided to tell you you don't earn enough to send your school to a good school. Since when has a private school not been a good school? He's got his own insecurities and is one of them that makes himself feel better by ensuring he puts everyone else down. 

Go see your parents, your family are still around you and they are the positive people you want and need right now. 
Everyone has blips, it's how you pick yourself up from them and move back on that makes the difference. 

getmore4less

Bit of a weird one yesterday for us as well,
Drove to the next town to hit a Homebase and ended up in Aldi as well(£45) going to try some of their steak and a load of other bits.

3.5 hours away from home seemed to help the moods,  normal out of house is 1.5hours with a walk and mini shop 

I am normally dropping off around 9:30  was fine at 11:30 so it seems to have worked, must try it again.


on the cars 

With Tesla targeting cheaper prices the main manufacturers are in electric catch up mode so targeting volume models to roll out the Electric beyond the mini/micro cars.

I think we shall see more options come on line but likely to be a battery shortage so may not be that quick.

Battery/drive train tech is still developing so this is perfect lease territory till things mature a bit longer.

@alt80 is in a great position to run a car for near free through the company on a 2-3year lease with no intention of keeping it and then review what's available having saved a chunk of the AM money.
I doubt there is a compromise does abit of eveything car avaiable so better to just go with decent second family car ans save up for the fun one.

The Tesla idea that your car becomes part of a power storage station is interesting as people move to solar/battery at home
You buy electricity and store it in your car, then when prices are higher you sell it back keeping enough for that days use.
Also the idea of using worn batteries as stationary power stores helps keeps some value in the battery.

We toyed with the idea of an MX5,  sort of modern version of a MG, there are a few others that fit into that small sports convertible fun car, tried the Lotus Elise as well but these days I just don't like the struggle getting in/out of very low cars.

For a main car I still want 4+ seats, 4 doors and and loads of space(min 3 full sized suitcase and 4 garden rubbish bags).

For a lot of our use cases a small electric makes a lot of sense as they have much lower relative maintenance cost when not used a lot  don't need massive range ~100miles would do

Maybe china might export the Wuling Hongguang Mini EV  or a western manufacturer do something similar a cheap micro car
perfect for those short trips and cheap enough to just sit there in the garage like an electric bike or scooter but able to carry some shopping.



OH forgot to mention this before...
With the realisation that there is nothing for house maintenance in the current budget plans that needs fixing.

Why not just use your allowances for that rather than letting the wife have them? 
You get something you want/like/value to you from the money and the wife has a hard time claiming her needs are more important than keeping the house maintained.

Remind her if that is not enough she might have to give up some of her allowances if something important comes up that needs fixing.

stymied

So glad you’re feeling a bit more like yourself today. Where are you setting up the Easter egg hunt tomorrow? That’s a lovely memory to have in the future - they get so excited about it at this age and simple to do!

ladyholly

I think enthusiastic saver summed your stuation perfectly re your mate versus your family. Your mate makes you feel bad and gives/sells you drugs or your family that give you time, help and wonderful memories. Use this weekend to give yourseself some more of those memories. Believe me your son doesnt care about anything but you being there with him. I will bore you with a very hort story which is true. I used to work in a childrens home and we had a little boy about the same age as your son in with horrific scarring. I asked him what had happened he replied his father had pushed him onto an electric fire in a temper. The only thing that child wanted was to go home to his father, I found that many other children who had had terrible home lives also just wanted to be with their parents. You are his dad and a good one ( forget the rubbish that you are not good enough) so take him out and have some fun with him. You will both enjoy it and will create good memories for you both. It doesnt need to cost a lot, being with you and hopefully his mum will be the best thing for all of you. Enjoy your weekend

Humdinger1

the_end_of_the_rainbow said:

dawnybabes said:

You really are worth it, my DH was a high earner, he died 10 weeks ago, I’m comfortable for life because of our decisions / planning any years ago. My son and I would swop every bloody penny for him to be here. 

@dawnybabes I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself x

@dawnybabes I'm so sorry to hear this and agree 100% with what you say.   @alt80 my father died 2 days before my 18th birthday; next March it will be 40 years.  I still draw every day on our relationship, conjure him up at key moments.   Your son and your wife need and love you.  We can all see what a good guy you are and are rooting for you.  Please get whatever help is recommended; the fact that your business can run short term without you speaks volumes for your ability and skill in picking the right people; much rarer than you might think.  A month invested now will mean years of happiness and sanity.  Outstanding ROI, even if it's difficult to price, no? As I and many others have said, self esteem is the issue here; you'remore than the money you generate - that'sthe least of your contribution totheworld and your family.  It will also give you an unbreakable alibi for AM 'friend' who is anything but.  If he takes his business elsewhere, GOOD.  Humdinger 

katsu

Your "friend" isn't a true friend. Either his drug habit or his nature make him bad news.  Stop socialising with him. He dragged you down to his level and talks rubbish to make you feel bad. The truth is that you earn loads of money and your family can have a great life.  Someone who criticises your efforts and make you feel inadequate isn't a friend that you need.

I'm sorry about your parents having changed so much. It is easy to romanticise families. Truth is often complicated.  

Get all the help and therapy you can. If you have to reduce your work hours temporarily to do that, see it as an investment. It will make you a better husband, father, boss and will help you live a good life.  At some stage you'll learn you deserve it for yourself.

PestoPasta

Sounds like you could have done with the closer support of your parents over the past few years alt80. Families are generally imperfect though...all we can hope for is that we do our best by our loved ones and sometimes that doesn’t always work out as we would like it to. Human beings are complicated....

So, Day 2. Are you still planning to cook this weekend? I think that you mentioned something about it previously (before the hiccup)? Would be nice to have family time perhaps tomorrow/Monday. Long walk, perhaps visit that garden centre with you son and afternoon watching a movie and some home cooked food. You’ve got a lot to look forward to! And definitely book those flights  ✈️ 

Onebrokelady

enthusiasticsaver said:

I like the idea of electric  cars but they are so quiet you have no warning there may be a car round the corners on the narrow country  lanes.  I could not help thinking when I was out on my bike this week that being able to hear the car engines was at least a clue that there was a car round the corner.  No chance of that with an electric one. 

I was nearly run over by an electric car last week it was so quiet I just didn't hear it coming and stepped out right in front of it, whatever it was it had really good brakes 😀😀

alt80

Day 2 I have read comments thank you. I am not responding to everyone individually as I’m not feeling well, it’s not that I don’t appreciate it thanks means a lot tbh. Absolutely whacked taking that as a good sign given the time this evening, will go to bed after writing this. Spent some time with my family and the in-laws. Tbh I was going down the bad road before I touched anything realise that I was really struggling panicking about lockdown ending, no sports car, seeing my in laws. Wife says she’s going to try to have a year off the clothes/ bags etc could see it was tripping me off also. Admitted she was winding me up on purpose as angry but going to try not to do it. I’m ultimately responsible for my own behaviour though and getting to the point of doing nothing towards the therapy other than going through the motions during sessions wasn’t doing me any favours.

Went for a big walk with my wife and son. Did have a KFC shared a boneless banquet meal with wife and son had a kids meal. Went to Starbucks too so full day of junk food today ha not great really. Tomorrow I am planning to cook and wish I’d seen Easter egg hunt earlier though my in laws do one for the kids every year so he will have one. I’m going to go. She’s coming home tomorrow. I know why she went with son last week I had a real mental episode tbh really wasn’t well actually not even sure what my mate gave me. Wasn’t in a good place and yeah he’s not a great mate. Used to be a long time ago, think I wish things were as they were 10 years ago but they aren’t. Life moves on, I didn’t really.

I don’t really know what I like in a lot of ways. My in laws aren’t monsters just didn’t like the way I treated their daughter I get that 100%. I don’t like their political leanings etc but can’t thank my FIL enough tbh past couple of days. Had a bit of a breakdown today at their house everything I’ve been afraid of happening. I don’t know whether it’s true or not but my in laws said they care about my wellbeing as well as wife’s meant a lot tbh don’t deserve that but was nice to think I’ve got something close to family near idk probably just being weird again ha.

I do like my cars, seen all sorts out today bit jealous few AMs but I’ve got a nice car. Not in the right frame of mind to drive quickly not driven at all tbh. 100% true re electric car on lease think I need to try to use my brain a bit more. Still want an AM but not getting one moaning about it whilst spending £600/m on the BMW inc maintenance etc.

No time to think re sinking fund will come back to that but agree it’s needed. Spent a lot on my res home just after I bought it. Refresh/ fittings etc but anything that needs doing it’s not cheap usually - conservation area restrictions and quality of build. Tbf some of it is me, I want to replace like with like or better on the place generally. Right frame of mind I feel really lucky to live here wrong one and all I can think is need next level. Sounds mad but it’s addictive behaviour tbh needing next thing craving it so !!!!!! badly it’s killing me in the moment. Why I have to do all the therapy stuff as much about this tbh. Have similar thinking in business - not good enough, could be bringing in more/ earning more/ more units etc. Where does it end usually doing drugs trying to escape all the continual need for more and my head telling me I’m a complete failure in life. It’s ridiculous tbh better keeping on the therapy I think get the stupid thoughts out my head and concentrate on my business and my family rather than craving next level only to find there’s a million more ahead afraid to let go of the addictive stuff in case I lose all drive though and remain static for the rest of my days. Catch 22 100%.

@getmore4less let me know what the Aldi steak was like mate I pass by a few might try it.

enthusiasticsaver

Hope you sleep well and glad your FIL was supportive today and your wife and son coming home tomorrow.  Take care and just focus on getting better.