First Steps to Solvency

JGB1955

ladyholly said:

Foxgloves & Grumplestiltskin - One of the entertainments in my area is watching how many cars get stuck in the sand on the beaches. Our tides are some of the highest in the world and what people dont realise is when the tide comes in itstarts under the sand so cars sink beautfully even before the water arrives. You have to be very quick  to rescue and most dont act fast enough. Yesthere are sign and no people either dont see them or ignore them thinking they know best. The classic was several years ago when a police car got stuck. The trouble is salt water doesnt do your vehicle any good at all.

Ha Ha!  That happened to us on Southport Beach.  We were in a company car.  Luckily Nat West never found out as we were were towed out by the beach patrol people before any harm was done.  According to our children, it was the highlight of our holiday!

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Can’t sleep as usual, caught the need to buy them something to compensate for being unfortunate enough to have me. Was looking through JL wish list one side of iPad budget open on the other. Fml can’t even spend well anymore ha ability to earn outweighing my ability to spend right now lol never thought I’d see the day I said that. Laughing at myself.

Thinking about what people on here have said who lost parents/ loved ones before their time. How I can be good enough for them without buying stuff. Try the chill app again and hopefully sleep a reasonable amount to get up at a better time in the morning out for a walk before life starts. 

If you talk to people who have lost loved ones before their time you will find it's not the things they bought people that they are remembered and missed for its the time they wont get to spend with them again, everyone without exception will say " if I could just have a bit more time with my Mum/ Dad/ insert relative here " they never say "I really miss my relative because they bought me things " 
I know being realistic that people do appreciate someone buying them nice things if it's appropriate,that's just human nature ,but you can't put a price on spending time with your family especially when it comes to children ,that's what they will remember when they grow up .They just need to feel like they are being listened to and that their parents are fully engaged when they are together. 

alt80

Day 4.

Predicted variable spends WC 5/4/21
Food - £60/£100
Alcohol - £0/£0
Coffee out - £10/£10 5/4, £15 (10/4 / 11/4)
Fuel - £0/£150 
Entertainment - £0/£0

Items from N&W budgets
£0/£0

Not had a great day today tbh got through without doing anything too stupid so calling it a win. Battled through with doing what I’m meant to be doing pleased with that at least. Really very tired probably be in bed by 11pm latest put my audiobook on. Worked eventually last night but sleep still all over the place. Cooked a fish pie, done upperbody workout and 15k steps, couple of km running wife’s foot still not 100%. Shared a small bag of mini eggs when we had coffee - about the only benefit of not being able to sit in the cafe lol. 

alt80

@getmore4less thanks mate think the budgeting agrees with my obsessive side tbh. Your post reminds me I’ve planned our first post lockdown meal out 8th May outside 100% it’ll rain lol but planned and budgeted for. 100% wouldn’t have done that before now used to go out a lot but never planned, just happened. For May we’ve got our 2 things planned for wife and I. I’ll work out something for a family day and that’s May sorted job done shocked myself like I’ve got some things to look forward to. Wife said she’d rather me doing this - sorting our weekend plans. 

Idk re MG will have a think about it over next week or so. 

Thanks re steak. I do have a Waitrose in the city centre not far, it’s not massive though. Generally just order all out meat etc from Sainsbury’s. I drop by Lidl for bits from time to time. 

Been too cold up here for a bbq today. Don’t actually have one myself but FIL loves his bbqs no chance of ever getting one lit here when the weather is decent he’s on the phone asking his kids round for the bbqs lol.

@Legs21/ @CRANKY40/ @RelievedSheff/ @enthusiasticsaver/ @Onebrokelady I’d like to get them both something tbh just a little treat for putting up with me. 

@enthusiasticsaver/ @RelievedSheff/ @Grumpelstilskin/ @foxgloves/ @ladyholly/ @JGB1955 Matlock Bath is a funny place for anyone who hasn’t been Sheff sums it up lol my son loves it. Full of motorbikes most of the time or has been when I’ve been. My mate lives close by there, turns up here again I’ll tell him Nottingham not welcoming ‘tourists’ ha. Seriously though I wasn’t aware that was an issue from the 12th and assumed the aquarium would be open with non essential retail.

I have been to Welbeck but not with son. Forgot all about the place tbh so def gone on my list thanks mate.

Rufford Abbey is a good call too, on the list 100%. Some nice property around there, go up there on occasion and have fleeting thoughts of selling up and moving up there think it’d last 5 mins and I’d be back round here tbh very isolated imo.

Belton House too thanks.

Lol re stuck RR def wasn’t me ha I grew up in a very rural area not around Notts but quite aware of my limits and know exactly the ford you’re talking about @foxgloves. 

getmore4less

I think you are getting there,  went from spends without any thought at all to spend freeze on nearly everything.

With a budget plan you can adjust to get the balance that fits you.
The coffee is a good one to look at as you like them not too expensive but they do add up over the year.
With a week or two  planned you can you can stick a few in for the days they make sense and always have a couple of spares in the plan just in case that carry over if not used with an eye on the total for the year not getting silly.
What happens it will become routine and you won't have to think about it much after a while.

Same with meals out, good to have some planned as that can reduce the impulse, lets go out anyway, which can get out of hand, you can still have budget for extras but with a few planned ahead, this can be a less is more situation,  if you go out all the time you can stop enjoying it as much.

We found this with our Friday takeaway(great Indian) routine, pick it up every Friday on the way home, costing as much as a holiday each year,  we dropped every Friday and only picked up when we really fancied one, enjoyed is so much more.

Definitely worth the longer term planning have a few ideas for things to do you can always switch stuff around if a better idea, offer comes up or the weather does not fit.

Maybe a list of 10 things to do with son before they go back to school in Sept that leaves another 10 to fill on a week by week basis, to keep your weekends busy.

A bit like the shopping wants lists , have a list and let it sit there adding stuff when you think of something and pick them of as the time is right, does not have to be filled immediately 

As much as you get anxiety over  the trips and weekend a lot of  that is because it is  unknowns, once in a plan and things you know you will like it helps a lot. 

Look how much better the end of the weeks have been when you had a solid plan for the weekend by Tues/Wed same can apply to things further out.

I would see how it goes when the weather improves maybe try a few more of the FIL BBQ, no cooking, no mess at home to clear up and if you have a clearer head probably avoid the conflicts due to your differences that have kept you away.

Good family time with wife and son pretty much organised for you.

The food shops/meal plans  seem to have been a success getting that part of the budget under control , hopefully a lot less waste as well, wife just need to find the section on the Sainsbury's web site that hides all the meat that is not chicken.
(the Sainsbury's is rubbish in our town so don't use it unless a bargain is spotted)

For us our Waitrose is next to the pub I use could just pop in to grab bargains,  catching bargain time was a lot easier before the lockdowns, we have still been going just not as much and bargain time has got variable.

Monday is on weather watch,  10c 10% chance of rain so going to be cold sitting outside at the pub.




  

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@getmore4less thanks mate think the budgeting agrees with my obsessive side tbh. Your post reminds me I’ve planned our first post lockdown meal out 8th May outside 100% it’ll rain lol but planned and budgeted for. 100% wouldn’t have done that before now used to go out a lot but never planned, just happened. For May we’ve got our 2 things planned for wife and I. I’ll work out something for a family day and that’s May sorted job done shocked myself like I’ve got some things to look forward to. Wife said she’d rather me doing this - sorting our weekend plans. 

Idk re MG will have a think about it over next week or so. 

Thanks re steak. I do have a Waitrose in the city centre not far, it’s not massive though. Generally just order all out meat etc from Sainsbury’s. I drop by Lidl for bits from time to time. 

Been too cold up here for a bbq today. Don’t actually have one myself but FIL loves his bbqs no chance of ever getting one lit here when the weather is decent he’s on the phone asking his kids round for the bbqs lol.

@Legs21/ @CRANKY40/ @RelievedSheff/ @enthusiasticsaver/ @Onebrokelady I’d like to get them both something tbh just a little treat for putting up with me. 

@enthusiasticsaver/ @RelievedSheff/ @Grumpelstilskin/ @foxgloves/ @ladyholly/ @JGB1955 Matlock Bath is a funny place for anyone who hasn’t been Sheff sums it up lol my son loves it. Full of motorbikes most of the time or has been when I’ve been. My mate lives close by there, turns up here again I’ll tell him Nottingham not welcoming ‘tourists’ ha. Seriously though I wasn’t aware that was an issue from the 12th and assumed the aquarium would be open with non essential retail.

I have been to Welbeck but not with son. Forgot all about the place tbh so def gone on my list thanks mate.

Rufford Abbey is a good call too, on the list 100%. Some nice property around there, go up there on occasion and have fleeting thoughts of selling up and moving up there think it’d last 5 mins and I’d be back round here tbh very isolated imo.

Belton House too thanks.

Lol re stuck RR def wasn’t me ha I grew up in a very rural area not around Notts but quite aware of my limits and know exactly the ford you’re talking about @foxgloves. 

We love Rufford and Thoresby as well. Don't forget Sherwood and Clumber are on the doorstep. 

We are lucky in these parts. There are some great, cheap family days out to be had.

warby68

Sounds like you're back in the game @alt80

Plans and having things to look forward to is the way to go for now. Stops those big open swathes of time which you fear and heads off the impulse spends. You're on your way to balance with this. Plus wife likes it too. Everything gets stale when you do it all the time so you do get better value per spend when you only do it once or twice a month than the every Friday without fail routine.

How is the withdrawal/rehab going? Are your pros satisfied? Are you satisfied? This still feels like a really critical period for you. Does wife's support have conditions/deadlines like before or is it more one day at a time? You did say she gave you a year at one point. Looming deadlines are not good for you, like the lockdown end one.

Really glad you've managed not to lose it financially - that has to be such a big plus that the spending can be controlled even when you're at your worst/lowest. 

alt80

Day 5

Planned no spends, back to work etc. Sounds mad but I’m pleased to see May spends already on the sheet - feel like I know what’s happening and what it’s going to cost. Been generally afraid to do this in my personal life for fear of becoming ’boring’. Nothing more boring than planning nothing to do the same rubbish all over again week in week out.

Slept not too badly last night went to bed with wife early after she gave me a massage. Not felt that relaxed in years tbh she likes me better when my stress levels aren’t through the roof said to me maybe it’s her job to help me with that. We’d lost connection with each other, didn’t know why I was with her both of us feeling trapped in a loveless marriage. Hardly ever slept in the same room. She’d do something to try every once in a while and I shut myself in my office ‘working’ more like doing cocaine, looking at the odd bit of work and buying her stuff out of guilt. 

I’ve done as I should have in the first place got rid of every contact I know who does it. There’s a couple I know do it casually through business. Couple of staff tbh but I’ve sent an email saying I’ll plan a meal out post lockdown going to make it somewhere not in town. My most senior bloke knows why I won’t be working full hours for the next month. I can trust him and he’s not got judgment over it. I thought I had it under control. I deleted everything off my phone partly because wife decided to do hers and partly because I decided whilst it was under control, I wasn’t using, the usual  patterns were escalating and I didn’t want that. I was just waiting for the right moment tbh my mind was in an awful place back to isolation away from my family spending nights in my office obsessing over nothing much, completely disengaged with the counselling and craving it. By the time my mate came round uninvited I was drinking very heavily not something I usually do. I’ve not been in my office yet but my wife spent a bit of time rearranging it and I’m making the effort to have dinner early. We’re going to do it as a family even if it is 5pm my excuses with that are done. She’s checking in on me usually I’d argue with her for that lack of trust but I’m taking her word she cares instead. I carry on the way I was going and I’ll lose her one day. Managed to get and keep the personal finances under control with a lot of encouragement from here lol no reason I can’t make the right choices with other stuff stop saying in my head it’s too hard and not worth it.

alt80

@getmore4less thanks again lot of your comments made me think and do the planning I wouldn’t ordinarily do. Not sure why you spend your time on a helping a waster like me but very grateful for your comments. Made a massive difference to how I view things and def helped me to be at the point I am with my debts - never been so good on that front.

@RelievedSheff all a bit of a drive for me but not too far thanks and sorry for the stuff I wrote about you probably earning less your right from what I can tell you have a lot more fun than I have from the way I’ve chosen to live my life.

@warby68 thanks yeah it’s going well. Feel ill tbh but working on what they tell me. 

I’m bad with looming deadlines wife’s birthday too, Easter, etc. Yeah she gave me a year that was last year. She’s doing the family programme and not given me another ultimatum. She’s told me she wants me to get better. Not been a year she’s known me without me doing coke at some point around half our marriage I’ve wanted her out my way no real reason just to shut myself up in my office let everything but my business fall to pieces. Made a go of that with some of my stupid decisions under the influence. Always believed it was my only sacred thing but 100% my use of drugs made me make some risky decisions and stupid ones in some cases with hindsight I wouldn’t have taken. I was waiting for the inevitable- losing it all. Been waiting for everything I have to go and me to end myself. There’s another option different ending losing nothing and seeing my son grow up. Just need to plan my life budget lol and keep working on my head.

RelievedSheff

Stop apologising. I have said before I am thicker skinned then that   

You are making great progress both with your finances and with your family. Yes there will be ups and downs along the way, there always are, but you will ride them out and they will make your family unit stronger together.