First Steps to Solvency

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Day 5

Planned no spends, back to work etc. Sounds mad but I’m pleased to see May spends already on the sheet - feel like I know what’s happening and what it’s going to cost. Been generally afraid to do this in my personal life for fear of becoming ’boring’. Nothing more boring than planning nothing to do the same rubbish all over again week in week out.

Slept not too badly last night went to bed with wife early after she gave me a massage. Not felt that relaxed in years tbh she likes me better when my stress levels aren’t through the roof said to me maybe it’s her job to help me with that. We’d lost connection with each other, didn’t know why I was with her both of us feeling trapped in a loveless marriage. Hardly ever slept in the same room. She’d do something to try every once in a while and I shut myself in my office ‘working’ more like doing cocaine, looking at the odd bit of work and buying her stuff out of guilt. 

I’ve done as I should have in the first place got rid of every contact I know who does it. There’s a couple I know do it casually through business. Couple of staff tbh but I’ve sent an email saying I’ll plan a meal out post lockdown going to make it somewhere not in town. My most senior bloke knows why I won’t be working full hours for the next month. I can trust him and he’s not got judgment over it. I thought I had it under control. I deleted everything off my phone partly because wife decided to do hers and partly because I decided whilst it was under control, I wasn’t using, the usual  patterns were escalating and I didn’t want that. I was just waiting for the right moment tbh my mind was in an awful place back to isolation away from my family spending nights in my office obsessing over nothing much, completely disengaged with the counselling and craving it. By the time my mate came round uninvited I was drinking very heavily not something I usually do. I’ve not been in my office yet but my wife spent a bit of time rearranging it and I’m making the effort to have dinner early. We’re going to do it as a family even if it is 5pm my excuses with that are done. She’s checking in on me usually I’d argue with her for that lack of trust but I’m taking her word she cares instead. I carry on the way I was going and I’ll lose her one day. Managed to get and keep the personal finances under control with a lot of encouragement from here lol no reason I can’t make the right choices with other stuff stop saying in my head it’s too hard and not worth it.

Love this post 😊

alt80

Will respond to this properly later but thought this might be good for anyone like me tbf who thinks things are bad because you’re in a certain amount of debt and have a bit of payback to do before moving onto next level. I’ve been to a job today and sometimes in my line of work I see real poverty. Literally step inside the home of it. Anyone who says it’s not an issue is welcome to come out on a few of these jobs I get from time to time some truly awful places in every city people don’t really see/ want to see/ want to know exists it’s !!!!!! heartbreaking. Tbf I’ve usually blocked it out my mind as soon as I get out one way or another today I got back in my car ironically worth getting on for double what one of these units are worth and thought fml things could be a lot worse. I question my son coming into my business when he’s older and I go to places like this. Not sure I’ll ever show him the photos of some of the places I’ve seen over the years, likewise wife, want to protect them from it I suppose. Find it hard to think I’ve earned from the job more than the tenants see in a few months. !!!!!! LL with no regard for maintaining the property literally letting it rot from what I found in the cellar. Still wants to throw it up as security on a loan though fml. 

Got my issues 100% on the therapy etc. Some of the people I meet if they had similar problems they’d be 100% at the mercy of whatever services the gov are going to provide (very little from what I know and very stretched resources). So yeah my wingeing point being if you’re here moaning about your balloon on your Range Rover or whatever life is probably not that bad really. Next time I do it someone tell me to stop being a !!!!!! and read this back to myself. 😆

ladyholly

Great Post.  I have seen awful places too when I have gone with my daughter and son in law to view property to rent. While I understand you don't want your son to see the c*** it might not be a bad thing when he is older so he appreciates what he has got.
In one way you are lucky in that most people with your income don't get to see poverty and so spout off about people on benefits and what a great life they have. My only answer to them is try it.
Something to be grateful for. 

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Will respond to this properly later but thought this might be good for anyone like me tbf who thinks things are bad because you’re in a certain amount of debt and have a bit of payback to do before moving onto next level. I’ve been to a job today and sometimes in my line of work I see real poverty. Literally step inside the home of it. Anyone who says it’s not an issue is welcome to come out on a few of these jobs I get from time to time some truly awful places in every city people don’t really see/ want to see/ want to know exists it’s !!!!!! heartbreaking. Tbf I’ve usually blocked it out my mind as soon as I get out one way or another today I got back in my car ironically worth getting on for double what one of these units are worth and thought fml things could be a lot worse. I question my son coming into my business when he’s older and I go to places like this. Not sure I’ll ever show him the photos of some of the places I’ve seen over the years, likewise wife, want to protect them from it I suppose. Find it hard to think I’ve earned from the job more than the tenants see in a few months. !!!!!! LL with no regard for maintaining the property literally letting it rot from what I found in the cellar. Still wants to throw it up as security on a loan though fml. 

Got my issues 100% on the therapy etc. Some of the people I meet if they had similar problems they’d be 100% at the mercy of whatever services the gov are going to provide (very little from what I know and very stretched resources). So yeah my wingeing point being if you’re here moaning about your balloon on your Range Rover or whatever life is probably not that bad really. Next time I do it someone tell me to stop being a !!!!!! and read this back to myself. 😆

I agree I wouldn't show your son but I would show your wife as it might make her realise how lucky she is 

alt80

Predicted variable spends WC 5/4/21
Food - £90/£100 - should be us pretty much done with food for the week.
Alcohol - £0/£0
Coffee out - £10/£10 5/4, £15 (10/4 / 11/4)
Fuel - £0/£150 
Entertainment - £0/£0

Items from N&W budgets (new spends)
£0/£0

Upcoming planned spends
Wedding anniversary £385 (includes the treatments etc) but this is now fully accounted for and agreed
8/5/21 first meal out of freedom £75 est. should be a max cost.
Greece hol
Centreparcs - in-laws paid so just a bit in spends for this one calling it a win win rather than being embarrassed about not paying lol

Recovery
Day 5 - didn’t know what to call that tbh but yeah I know what it is and anyone who reads this knows what it is. 

Kid’s Day Out Ideas
Newark - thanks @Grumpelstiltskin you’re like my local kid’s days out eyes on the ground mate. Going to !!!!!! smash these with you on board. Go to Newark a lot with the business tbh the wife and kid are going to be really !!!!!! bored with my valuation commentary haha. Not just there do it all the time lol probably why I don’t fancy Centreparcs down south with in-laws can’t sit in the car doing some kind of I spy valuation edition. Only @RelievedSheff could be on the meat case though haha read yours this morning - not a no spends ordering half a pig fml you and @getmore4less in a room together probably eat half a pig how much the pair of you like your meat lol. 
Matlock Bath - later in year.
Welbeck / Cresswell Crags
Rufford
Thoresby
Clumber Park
Belton House
Sundown Adventureland

That’s a fair few to be getting on with over next couple of months. Son likes the countryside and it’s a change of scenery for him. I’ve lived in NG since I was 18. Tbh don’t that often venture out of NG3/ NG5/ NG1 apart from further afield for fee earners and NG12 to visit the in-laws. All you local guys reading this probably thinking FML I need to get out more lol. !!!!!! lost it when wife suggested we move out of MP just before I bought this place seemed like madness moving further away from town and 100% I wanted to stay but get one of the detached houses lol that was made it for me back 8/9 years ago ha. Know why she did suggest further out, where we live is nice don’t get me wrong but surrounded by some really bad areas, do question it now and again with son getting a bit older.

First day back to the business. Decent fee earner but horrible place. Actually discussed in the therapy. There’s been times I’ve turned to the stuff to block similar from my mind tbh it’s not a I can’t handle it type thing more I can’t really justify my own BS when I’ve seen that I reckon.

@feeldaburn re 10km run, could be good. Wife’s foot is getting better she’s got a dodgy foot arch there’s a name for it plantar something idk. Want to make sure she builds long term strength training towards a 10km would be good. Thanks for reminding me it’s on the list just need to work out how far safe for son to run - he runs with us couple of km but don’t think he could do 10km. The dog can wears him out so that’s a win.

ladyholly

When I said son should see horrible places when he is older I meant much older 18/19.When he is a young man.
You sound very positive even after going to a bad place.
I don't know you area but you could stray a bit further especially if you can make it slightly educational if your son is interested in history or botanical or animal places. Google is your your friend along with Gerumplestiltskin. 

Sun_Addict

I can add to your list, not a cheap day out but a fantastic place to go while your son is still under 10, Sundown Adventureland near Rampton. My kids loved it when they were little, we went several times over the years, and by all accounts it’s got even better since then.

Mr SA used to work out Newark/Lincoln way and any trips out in that direction would involve him pointing out various buildings he’d worked on 😆

IzzyBee

Hi I’ve suffered with plantar for years really painful and had tendinitis been for physio injections and all sorts my youngest son is a runner and he told me to go on you tube and follow Vlad Ixel he has loads of different things on and the one for plantar looks so easy you don’t think it could help it does the best thing I have ever done no pain at all and I can walk miles after been in agony for years worth a look 

alt80

@ladyholly yeah you’re possibly right tbh I do sort of hope he comes into my business. Hoped for that since my wife found out she was expecting tbh. His choice though 100% not the type of parent to push that onto a kid. 

I’m positive, trying to work on the things I need to do thanks. Actually woke up in a really bad place mentally. Wife got me on the chill app in bed lol. Sounds stupid to most I’m sure but I need to do this stuff work with the pros. 

My son loves anything history/ animals/ botanical etc/ sport and music too. He’s like his mum. Likes his cars tbf too. Just loves life like any kid that age.

@Sun_Addict thank you added to the list and checked out the price £50 for all three of us and another £50 for something to eat keeps in my £100 per family day. Budgeted enough for one of those a month plus £250 entertainment a month. Point is I have got something to take my family out for the day with.

Haha I hope you take him for a drive round there for the nostalgia - can he still remember where he’s worked now?

@IzzyBee thank you she’s getting treatment for it but I’ll ask her to have a look. 

JCS1

If your son likes history, maybe look into a national trust membership next year?  If you go to their website you can enter postcode to see what is nearby, to see if worth doing.