First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@getmore4less I've not touched the stuff. I am exhausted from trying to keep away from the people/ places/ times/ things giving in a bit on that side of the whole recovery thing tbh. Meant to lose contact with people who use drugs I haven't but not like I'm meeting up or anything. I was just getting completely whacked avoiding triggers its like a second job and tbh I was never that bad for it - didn't do it everyday did have some element of control.

Had some nice evenings with wife but I find it a lot harder than being in my home office idk why familiar to be in the office I suppose. Normal for me. She and I aren't getting on that well either I've had enough of the IG/ nagging to buy her stuff/ tinder etc. I don't really want to be around her not having her in my bed this week that's parked for review next week.

Centre Parcs can change my mind it's some wooden lodge thing got a few bedrooms. Not in the right frame of mind to think about going away with the wife and her parents right now mate lol.

@dawnybabes I'd not considered that. Yeah my son would love it would be nice to spend the time with him tbf. Possibly should have took him myself away from wife and in-laws. 

enthusiasticsaver

I think a combination of things have opened your eyes to the way you have been living over the last few years.  Now you are in control of your spending and have a financial plan then you have seen the money spent or wasted on the stuff your wife does not even really use as a reason for the debt you are in plus of course the money you spent on drugs and the over commitment on cars.  You have dealt with the cars and the drugs and deserve a massive pat on the back for that.  

Tbh I am out of ideas as to what to do about your wifes' addiction to social media and her need to spend on things to  make her feel good.  She has a self confidence problem and just seems a bit directionless.  You also don't appear to have a great deal of confidence in her ability to do anything. You are right though in saying you cannot afford and do not want to waste money on this overpriced designer stuff.  I wouldn't be happy either when you know how much better your finances are now and could be in the future when you stick to a budget.  You deserve a medal for turning your finances round with precious little help from your wife. 

It is good you talked and maybe she needs time to adjust to the new reality.  My DH and I were only saying today there is no end of rubbish programmes on TV now like Say yes to the dress, Married at first sight and now Strangers having babies together so with you there.  Just seems like a waste of time to watch them.   Not sure if we are out of touch with what people like to  watch on TV these days but cannot stand any of these reality TV programmes they produce.  Only thing we tend to watch now are dramas and documentaries. 

ladyholly

It is certainly getting more difficult to find something to watch that requires more than half a brain cell. We too mainly watch documentaries though I do have a soft spot for the great British sewing bee and pottery throw down not too mention anything to do with dogs and I don't mean lassie😊

enthusiasticsaver

ladyholly said:

It is certainly getting more difficult to find something to watch that requires more than half a brain cell. We too mainly watch documentaries though I do have a soft spot for the great British sewing bee and pottery throw down not too mention anything to do with dogs and I don't mean lassie😊

Not just us then.  Never watched the great British sewing bee or pottery throw down but at least they sound interesting rather than virtual strangers vying to get married to each other or have babies together.  I like programmes about dogs too. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver thanks the plan is definitely helping me to stay on track. I do spend at least a few minutes looking at it everyday reminds me if I start looking at stuff to buy / through JL Wishlist etc can't buy it park it for another time. Might chat a bit of !!!!!! every once in a while but I know the score and it's took the emotion for want of a better word out of it.

Ha you're not the only one re out of decisions for her. She steps out of line she's on the prepay 100% she knows that. Wouldn't be surprised if she goes on that she spends the lot in a day and nothing for rest of year. I'm seriously considering getting rid of her additional cards apart from the amex which is our everyday spends card. Been thinking about reducing the limit on that mainly because I'm paranoid she's going to !!!!!! this for me.

Sounds odd but will be like I've made it when I've got my debts and RR paid for. Never had any spare cash really. Still interested in learning about the investing but accepted that's going to be a slow burn and possibly also need to work out if it's some kind of spv job or using the net personal income and ISA allowances etc. That's an accountant question ha or you / @getmore4less might know? Never had anything to do with any other investment vehicle than property so be gentle with the newbie ha. Virtual portfolio is at £3.1k profit currently haven't got a !!!!!! clue what I'm doing lol so def need this repayment phase use it as an opportunity to learn before things are go. Emailed my accountant re pension actually too so suppose that's sort of investing def tax advantage for it. Going to have the company car and a pension rather than taking a bonus at the end of the financial year which only ever went towards paying credit cards anyway. Becoming a grown up ha or will be when he gets back. 

She loves all the !!!!!! programmes say yes to the dress one of her favourites if love island isn't on. I've had her properly crying she thinks she's too old to go on love island and would have been her 'dream job' if they'd had it 10 years ago haha. Yeah my confidence in her is low tbf possibly should try to give her a bit more confidence tbh. Maybe set her some smaller tasks and see how she gets on. Probably criticise too much tbf.

enthusiasticsaver

A pension for you is a definite win from tax point of view if nothing else and that is the first kind of investing you should look at as that is most advantageous for you as I am sure your accountant must have told you. Stocks and shares isas are also something you could consider as you can access those anytime.   Look at multi asset funds for diversity and low charges as a diy investor when starting out.  Put all ideas of getting rich quick out of your head though.  Investing needs to be done with planning, research and a level head. I am no expert but did manage our investments myself when we started out and did ok.  We use an IFA now though. Seriously though it is great to hear you talking about a financial plan for the future once the debt is gone. LOL to you becoming a grown up with a company car and a pension.  

God, I forgot about Love Island.  That is another rubbish programme IMHO.  There must be others like your wife out there though who like them or they would not  make them presumably.  I don't know anyone who watches that even from the younger generation in our family.  Neither  my daughters or my niece or nephew  watches them anyway and they are all in their twenties and thirties. 

essex123456

@essex123456 haha I don’t fail to see the irony in you coming on here just to tell me what an obnoxious !!!!!! I am. People in glass houses springs to mind. FML plenty of women !!!!!! me off and some don’t - I tend to take people as I find them generally tbh.
It wasn't irony, some of your posts about your wife are actually chilling. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver yes many times over re accountant ha. 

Thank you one thing you realise being in the property game very quickly - no such thing as get rich quick unless we're talking serious gambling and that usually just leads to massive losses next time around / inheritance or lottery wins lol. So yeah I'm not looking for that. When I started looking at the trading was more about a few short term gains as money being built for the balloon payment not 'get rich quick' as such more just making what I had work for itself with reasonable liquidity.

I've probably not been in the right headspace to go at the investing with a level head, possibly not quite there now yet but hoping these next few years doing the research around other commitments (quickly have come to realise it's not that high on my list of priorities - lots of other stuff to work at first really). Maybe my journey is a bit late to the party appreciate that but better late than never? Trying to not be too overly conscious about my age, it's helping to do the reframing (counselling working ha) of the negative thoughts. Don't always get there straight away but working on it better than doing nothing?

You don't surprise me re your kids not watching Love Island - they all seem to have their heads screwed on tbt.

@essex123456 you've 100% got me wrong mate. Could have easily said the same things about men as I did about women in the post you've quoted. Possibly should have made myself a bit more clear idk.

Really not sure what you're referring to re 'chilling posts' though. Fwiw I'm not some kind of wife beater and as you only seem to come on here to make the odd comment to tell me you think I'm a misogynist; I think you need to wind it in, unfollow me or whatever is required to restore the equilibrium in your brain. I've had some great advice on here which tbh I'm very thankful for and I'm quite open to constructive criticism - really made me question a lot and make some moves towards a better way of living. I don't think that's the purpose of your little outbursts though so I'll say this in the nicest possible way - jog on.

enthusiasticsaver

In general investing should be considered in no less than a 5 year timeframe mainly because of the volatility of the stock market which is up and down all the time and not always in a linear fashion. If you put the balloon money in there and we have a slump just at the time the balloon is due it could be worth less than you invested. I get the problem though of trying to make it work for you in the meantime  but I think you need to think of the balloon in terms of it being there to purchase the car as the end goal. I have given up on trying to make decent returns on short term cash savings hence why most of our assets are invested but we have a drawdown plan to supplement our pensions and we don't take the hit if we are in a slump or it doesn't make sense tax wise.

My recommendation for your balloon payment would be stick it in premium bonds until needed but presumably you will be focusing on the cards first anyway? Or are you saving for the balloon now? The only other option when you get to that point is to invest in the short term in the hope the markets will continue to rise in the short term and if they slump just at the time you need the balloon then finance it instead especially if interest rates are still low. That is more risky than just putting it in PB.  The advantage of investing in funds rather than property is no maintenance and more liquid but just as you wouldn't sell a property when house prices are low (unless you buying another one) the same applies to investments. 

In terms of priorities I would stay focused on clearing the cards, sorting out the car balloon and starting a pension as your first steps into bringing some diversity into your finances. When you have spare money in the future then maybe think about stocks and shares ISAs but given you are not bothered about retiring you may want to think about your longer term financial goals first like another car or a bigger house. 

Hope you have a  better day today and make sure you get a decent meal tonight. Keep talking to your wife but stress that the hurtful comments don't help either of you. It is a shame she cannot help you with the budgeting and recording spends as that might help to keep her busy and off IG. 

Not sure what the essex123456 comment was about as they seem to have deleted their earlier comment. Sometimes people take your posts out of context and make all sorts of assumptions. 

warby68

Morning @alt80

Sorry there has been a lot of pressure, mainly from wife. I'm glad you've distanced yourself for a bit as the pressure threatens your recovery. Obviously there is a huge question whether you and wife are compatible enough for the longer term. Your recent anecdotes show her in quite a bad light and with big resistance from her to accepting any responsibility or need for change - its always all on you. From what you've said she's well past my limits on decent behaviour. However I know this diary is one side only and the bit that still gives me a bit of hope (which has admittedly been reducing of late) is her clear conflict between family life/simple pleasures on one hand and her fake IG life on the other.  It might be worth hanging on a while longer to see if one overtakes the other. Push the counselling for her personal issues not just as an add-on to yours. That might be an angle for seeking inlaws help. 

TV wise, I hate most of the voyeuristic reality stuff too and same for rest of the family. We watch quiz shows as a family - not sure if there is any mileage there for you as your son is young and wife (well, you don't rate her intellect) . Loving House of Games at the moment. Its only half an hour and we record a few to have in reserve. A lot of its just guessing and playing around with words. Just a half hour with a drink together. Bit of a lockdown ritual. There are loads more. Gets your brain cells going in different directions.  It sounds geeky but its actually nice and a good switch off.  Also like travelogue type shows, even the ones with someone half famous getting a free jolly. Cookery shows combined with travel all good too. Nature ones usually a hit when children young although selective remote control use required as there is a lot of survival of the fittest stuff.  Me and OH record a lot of music shows as well, maybe to relive youth and give sons a laugh. Music is our feel good though.  You could even record some educational things for son, loads on at the moment and watch with him. Hope there's at least one idea there. I am chuckling at you stuck on front of 'Say Yes to the Dress' - can't you at least take turns choosing?

Hope you have a better day