First Steps to Solvency

stymied

How’s the March, pre-interim budget going?

ladyholly

First you need to talk t your MiL before the shops re open or take away her cards or she will be spending stupid amounts. Tell her parents exactly the sort of prices of the clothes she is looking at are. I dont think from what you say they will be impressed. Second you need to stop saying sorry. Ok you have made mistakes in the past but as everyone on here keeps telling you you are living in the now not the past. You have apologised and now is the time to draw a line under it. I hate to say this to a husband about his wife but your wife is being  selfish, she is causing you stress, setting an awful example to your son and being totally irresponsible with her wants and tantrums. Saying that you are poor is beyond ridiculous but without dragging her to see some of your less well off tenants I dont know how you are going to get through to her. She is really not living in this world. I think you need to try talking to both her parents without her being there and seeing if they,  who really know her can get through to her. I know this is hard for you in view of your previous relationship but if they realised her spending habits they might change their mind.

Incidentally I had a quick weigh up of both my husbands and my wardrobe and even at brand new prices both of them together dont come to £1000.

Onebrokelady

Your wife's spending budget is more than i earn in a month and I have to pay all my bills and mortgage out of that,I get £80 a month personal spends, tell her to start living in the real world 🙄

warby68

So wife's priority for the spa break is really her next IG shoot. I think I've walked in puddles deeper than your wife lol
I know that's a bit mean but she does make me bash the keyboard a bit harder. 

Seriously though @alt80 - some proper conversations with all concerned about bringing her into the real grown up world need to be had. She's a mother, it isn't good for your son. At the moment she is by far the worse influence of the two of you and what he's soaking up now will be difficult to undo soon. Until she wants to change, just like it was for you, its going to be a losing battle and she really doesn't seem to have much inclination. 

It also feels like you can't get past your own guilt to tell her how it really is. If you can't do that yet, at least tune her out. Literally do not engage just stick to the plan which is perfectly reasonable, possibly even still too generous towards her. You will eventually get to the point when you know whether you can make this work together or not.

Is it 50 days today? Do not let your wife detract from your enormous success. 

getmore4less

I will put the smiley in first   this may get extreme in my head.
   

was thinking next time you get a void move the wife in for a month with £500  be generous and don't charge rent.
let her hang out in the real world for a while.
to son: "mommy is going on a little holiday it will be just us for a bit"
you can fir work round the school pick up/drop off you are the boss.

what's the worst that can happen she gives up on footballers and falls for one of your other tenants.

RelievedSheff

getmore4less said:

I will put the smiley in first   this may get extreme in my head.
   

was thinking next time you get a void move the wife in for a month with £500  be generous and don't charge rent.
let her hang out in the real world for a while.
to son: "mommy is going on a little holiday it will be just us for a bit"
you can fir work round the school pick up/drop off you are the boss.

what's the worst that can happen she gives up on footballers and falls for one of your other tenants.

I would give her the same amount as Universal Credit currently is. Then she will see what being poor is really like and how working to a budget really is.

She really is in cloud cuckoo and the longer both Alt80 and her parents let her stay that way the harder the fall to reality really will be when it happens, because it will happen at some point.

Humdinger1

@alt80 this isn't meant to pile in on your wife but is rather a comment on IG.  Leaving aside the fact that it's legal, the toxic impact it has is equal to or probably higher than the chang.  It's addictive and designed to be so.  Can you point this out as she despises your AM 'friend' but is she any better? She knows that IG is addictive; perhaps that is a route that would help her get out of it.  Agree with earlier posters re talking to her parents and helping her to live in the real world. Would she have counselling or does she think she's not the problem? She does need help in understanding how it is for most and what poverty really is.  Whether by coming with you to visit tenants, helping in a soup kitchen, counselling, something else or all of it I'm not sure.   You've done brilliantly in getting on terms with real life and leaving the substances behind.   Keep going Humdinger 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

@enthusiasticsaver well she reckons she could do a lot better and maybe she can idk. Tbf things are restricted and she knows it's not going back to what it was, I get she hates living like this but I can't deal with the stress of it anymore. 

Swimming costume is because she's planned the trip away decent spa place and can't wear last years; like everyone there will know ha. This is serious stuff for her and yeah you're 100% right she'll want a 'Greece wardrobe' and its 100% for IG. Already know what the videos will be visiting 'for family reasons' what a saint she is to be taking son to see grandparents etc just the same as the pandemic BS. As I say I just can't do it anymore seen it for what it is I suppose. 

The swimming costume is £45 over budget. If £45 that'd be fine and within budget no complaints she wants to spend within the budget I'm ok with that. Just can't keep loading credit card after credit card on her wardrobe iyswim. 

IG is addictive and I agree with others that this is an awful example to set for your son.  I am also a bit  at your MIL offering to take your wife shopping once the shops open as if to placate a child.  This is also the same behaviour your wife uses with your son when he kicked off about fund raising for deprived youngsters last year so she went and bought him a lego set.  Everyone knows you do not reward bad behaviour whether it is a child or an adult so three guesses where she gets the kicking off to get what she wants.  Next time your FIL blames you for her spoilt attitude I would be telling him to  look closer to home at his own wife. 

I am sorry this has put additional stress on you but you are doing well so don't let this distract you.  As you say the stress of balancing the books is worse than putting up with her moods when her spends are cut back but next time she thinks she can do better I would be tempted to tell her to go and see if she can because I don't think she can cope on her own so getting herself a sugar daddy is her only option and that usually comes with other problems. Sounds like her and your JV mate have too much time on their hands as neither of them work. 

efes_shareholder

i'd echo what ES says
Stop enabling her behaviour out of guilt for past errors - we all have a past , none of us can change that but we do have some control over the future.
Let her go and see if she can do better if thats the threat she makes when her spending is cut to a budget not many would complain about.........maybe its the only way she will wake up from cuckoo land................I'm sure a few months universal credit would be the short sharp shock she needs , who knows your spouse support may work out cheaper !!

theoretica

I think, as others have said, that part of the issue is the amount of time she has on her hands - and so many companies would like to make money out of her in that time.  How long is it until this spa day that she is already plotting what to wear? 

As you discovered with weekends, planning how to fill time really helps keep spending from creeping in.  Things which you need to do whether you feel like it or not are particularly valuable for this - whether they are paid or not.