First Steps to Solvency

dawnybabes

I hope her dad told her off, does he realise that the jacket she wanted was more than most people spend in a year on clothes? 

alt80

@getmore4less ha def my brain dump writing this lol actually it's good for me makes me think a bit.

Life is better without tbh I've not 'enjoyed' it for quite some time really. You're right re family lot of regrets not doing the right thing before but hopefully will get there now - live in hope of sorting myself out. 

@efes_shareholder You sure you're not my FIL haha.

@RelievedSheff know what you mean re earning it. I look at where I am with debts and often think if I got much in the way of value from the stuff I've got into debt for ha. Not something I've done before but really have been thinking about what value I'm getting.

@dawnybabes she knew FIL wouldn't buy her the Balmain - he would be really !!!!!! shocked if he knew what they cost notwithstanding she's got 3 the same, the one she wanted just the usual in a different colour so not like she hasn't got one at all and all her mates have or something. This morning was all over a swimming costume - the one she wants is £45 over her April - July budget so I told her it doesn't fit the budget, bank says no find another or take last year's. Tbh buying her clothes doesn't make up for !!!!!! past behaviour on my part just gets me further into debt.

warby68

She's back on IG and the hard done by stuff ramps up - bit of a pattern there.
Plus her birthday's looming isn't it - fully expect more pressure from this angle too - another familiar pattern.

Until you stop taking 100% of the blame, she is going to keep feeling entitled. I'd be furious about her begging from FIL. I hope he gave her short shrift but have a feeling noone actually tells her how it is as if they did she wouldn't be able to perpetuate the entitlement. Its up to you @alt80 but constantly telling her you're sorry is only making her worse. She is responsible too even though she shirks it on every level. You might have treated her badly but she certainly isn't a saint and half your debt is sitting unused in her cupboards. You are 100% right to say buying her clothes now (or overspending on anything for that matter) doesn't make up for past behaviour. Its just another wrong.

Try and keep your level head. Not sure I could TBH. You can only eat so much humble pie.

RelievedSheff

I agree that her behaviour clearly changes when she is on IG.

You need to point this out to her.

Don't give in on the budget. She has to stick to it.

enthusiasticsaver

There is a pattern here when your wife goes back on the IG and it festers discontentment.  Hopefully your FIL did not listen to her pestering for money because you are "poor" now !!!   She does not know what poverty is.  Poverty is not a £600k+ house and two luxury cars.  It is not having a child in private school, a £50k kitchen  and £8.5k a month to live off.  She is really living in cloud cuckoo land. 

You are right in that allowing her to spend outside the budget does not make up for any bad behaviour from you in the past.  All you can both do is change for the future and not keep harking back to past mistakes either of you have made.  She is definitely not perfect so I am not sure why you keep on with shouldering all the blame and it reinforces her belief she is hard done by.  You are reducing your personal spends to almost nothing so why shouldn't she? £45 for a swimming costume when we are still in March is ridiculous.  Hardly essential and I guess she probably already has loads. She is going to pester for summer holiday clothes next is she when your plan is Greece.  I would guess this is not because she actually needs it but because she wants to put up photos on IG.  This is really crazy behaviour. 

warby68

It wasn't £45 @enthusiasticsaver but £45 over her 3m budget so hundreds in fact. Doesn't change your point other than make it even more so.

enthusiasticsaver

warby68 said:

It wasn't £45 @enthusiasticsaver but £45 over her 3m budget so hundreds in fact. Doesn't change your point other than make it even more so.

As you say that makes it worse then as I guess it is almost £300 for just a swimming costume and no way is she not going to pester for something else before July.  

alt80

@warby68 yeah not far away from her birthday hence why she has an occasions budget in interim. Not gonna lie bit disappointed she's back on IG tbh and straight into the DMs with my mate ha FML have to laugh but only reason I know is him sending me a screenshot. Honestly think my son is more of a grown up sometimes.

She's not winning any support with her dad tbh but her mum a bit different - she's promised her she'll take her to Birmingham when the shops open.

You're right there's a lot of debt in her cupboards but def need to keep on the straight and narrow, can't lose it now.

@RelievedSheff she knows re IG but 'can't keep off it'. 

@enthusiasticsaver well she reckons she could do a lot better and maybe she can idk. Tbf things are restricted and she knows it's not going back to what it was, I get she hates living like this but I can't deal with the stress of it anymore. 

Swimming costume is because she's planned the trip away decent spa place and can't wear last years; like everyone there will know ha. This is serious stuff for her and yeah you're 100% right she'll want a 'Greece wardrobe' and its 100% for IG. Already know what the videos will be visiting 'for family reasons' what a saint she is to be taking son to see grandparents etc just the same as the pandemic BS. As I say I just can't do it anymore seen it for what it is I suppose. 

The swimming costume is £45 over budget. If £45 that'd be fine and within budget no complaints she wants to spend within the budget I'm ok with that. Just can't keep loading credit card after credit card on her wardrobe iyswim. 

RelievedSheff

You need to sit her down and sort this IG rubbish out. She can keep off it, she doesn't want to. There is a huge difference between the two. 

Make sure you don't budge on the budget and keep her father on side. He will be a massive help in hopefully getting her to see sense.

dawnybabes

I’d be making sure f-in-l realises what she’s actually asking for, if someone told me they couldn’t buy a swimming costume because they can’t afford it, I’d presume like others on here - £20/30 not hundreds.