First Steps to Solvency

dawnybabes

She could always do some nails for extra spends 

efes_shareholder

Wife (fully aware this is what she’s working to not v happy about it but knows the score haha)

Tennis - £340

Hair - £200

Beauty - £200

Clothing - £250

Occasions - £250

She has the biggest budget of the house for personal spends so if she carries on acting like a spoilt brat then maybe you should stop her pocket money for a month like you would a naughty child !!

In your circumstances I think its beyond generous , if she is spending this regularly , what can she possibly need??

enthusiasticsaver

I don't know why she is whingeing about her spends when she has way more than you.  The debts are down to you both so not just your debts. 
She has managed to get you to agree to a weekend away for your anniversary so I would say that is enough to commit to for this month.  I also would think she has more than enough clothes to last all year without buying anything new.  Admittedly the hair budget is tight ( I spend more than that over the year but could pay a lot less if I had to) but she could always borrow from the beauty one. As you say you need to learn to live sustainably to a budget so putting up with the moans about it now without caving will pay dividends later unless she rebels and spends like she did at Christmas. Must be a bit of a headache but given you are getting her a Mercedes to drive she cannot have everything.  

alt80

Ready for today to be done already ha. Really bad night on the sleep front, woke up thinking about the scan again - not in the interim budget Apr-July so think I can forget it though for few months lol.

Re wife budget - she hates it tbh. Lot of her stuff I’ve bought for her tbt obviously that’s stopped and she’s getting no treats anymore. I am sorry and do apologise but not a lot can be done now - I need to get the debt sorted. She brings up I’m getting the RR balloon together so she should get more - not like she never uses the RR and also had to have another conversation with her this morning asked her seriously what she’d buy if she was picking the main family car, not changed from last time so I cba to feel guilty about it when her choice is more expensive in the first place. Idk don’t really get that one.

@ladyholly there’s a lot she has but doesn’t wear. Tbh it’s difficult when I’ve bought a lot of the stuff in times gone by.

@getmore4less I wasn’t in the best place that week mate at all, bit embarrassing really looking back tbh.

@dawnybabes I live in hope ha.

@efes_shareholder lol 100% she’d leave if I did that. She doesn’t need anything tbh.

@enthusiasticsaver Her hair is long - they literally chop the thinnest line off the bottom and that’s it not guilty at all for telling her that’s the budget for it likewise beauty she’d usually spend a lot more. Crying about that this morning but two days ago saying she doesn’t even need a lot of this stuff as been fine in lockdown think she’s looking well etc. FML costs a !!!!!! fortune to run and maintain. AM would be cheaper in normal times ha.

Clothes - that’s the big one she’s upset about. She knew the score £1k until end of year and this as interim because I don’t want to add a load to the 0% for her to spend more later (it’ll happen 100% know that). She’s been on the phone to her dad I’m being a miser can they buy the stuff lol funniest thing I’ve ever heard her trying to persuade her dad to give her a !!!!!! clothing allowance because of our ‘poor situation’. 

RelievedSheff

I hope her dad has told her to stop being so stupid?

theoretica

alt80 said:

Despite finding some more stuff to sell and withdrawing other stuff she had up for sale (part of the G-Wagen !!!!!! - she decided she wasn't going to pay for my debts) - she's not actually put anything up for sale. Asked her if she's going to do it over the next few days now turned into will she get extra spends. Told her no - we really need to do this properly I think or we're never going to learn how to live to a budget and the whole cycle will continue imo so she's sulking about it now FML. 

That reminds me of conversations from work - how to motivate staff/show appreciation/reward in non-financial ways.  What does she feel she gets out of selling her stuff is a motivational point to think about.

Personally I would discuss something like a reduction in her spend budget but she gets to spend all or some of what she makes through selling. Which is financial motivation - because I can't think of non-financial suggestions I think would work. 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

.......

@getmore4less I wasn’t in the best place that week mate at all, bit embarrassing really looking back tbh.
........

That was not the only week over the last 6months,  you got a lot of stuff down in your posts with an level of honesty not many can do. 
It could be worth trying to find the time to go back over some of the older posts as a way of reflecting on what those drugs were doing to your sanity.

See how many other changes for the good have happened as you realise you can get some happiness  from being with the family and not chasing those hollow quick fix/buzzes that leave you deflated and sometimes with a mess to pick up like the dev block.





 

alt80

@RelievedSheff he’s not happy let’s put it that way ha. She’s given in with the IG hiatus though back on it making stupid videos, got a message from JV another one with nothing better to do lol. Leave the children to it I think no energy for that today.

@theoretica yeah it’s difficult no real motivation for her - doesn’t make a difference to her if I’m in a better position with the debts or not tbh she was better off in terms of stuff when I was spending 100%. Now she knows no danger of any real consequences she thinks I’m just being a miser for the sake of it. Idk don’t want her to find someone else but don’t want to start spending again either - can’t cope with the stress of it anymore tbh just want to get it paid for and live more sustainably. Would def have laughed at myself not very long ago saying this.

efes_shareholder

Suggest she does some voluntary work in a food bank or similar to see how privileged she is to have the spending budget she does
sounds very spoilt and ungrateful from where i'm sat.

RelievedSheff

Her problem is she has too much time on her hands. She needs something to do with her time. When she has earned money she will appreciate it more.