First Steps to Solvency

maddiemay

alt80  You are doing so well in so many areas, I am delighted for you.
In respect (not that I have much respect for her sadly),of your wife, I think the business of threatening you with her finding someone better and the latest thing with JV bloke is yet another way of blackmailing you into providing her with the latest want/whim. The past is exactly that and you know that you don't want to live like that any more, I hope that you can now call on those inner reserves that you have proved that you have and not rise to her taunts and possibly call her bluff.
You have so many people here offering you advice and willing you to succeed, keep that in mind always.

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Def developed some admiration for those living on super tight budgets - people running households on £2-2.5k/m some of my tenants in that situation, some worse but can think of one not that long ago I took out for lunch after buying their first home still living life managed to save deposit for a home and kept having the holidays etc. 

Most people can live very comfortably on that budget with no debt, no expensive car pcp or private school fees and a wife who does not spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes and beauty especially if they have a low mortgage or none at all.  It is all about spending choices and getting value for your money whatever you decide to spend your money on. Gobsmacked that your wife is coming on to your JV mate. 

alt80

Day 51, last day I’ll be able to say this as I’m having a drink tomorrow - sharing a really nice bottle of wine we’ve had in for a while. Actually really looking forward to it. Not going to go mad or anything though.

Spent a bit of time costing the weekend away out. Looking at £80 petrol, £85 treatment for wife she’s happy with the one apparently. £50 in drinks will be enough to share a bottle of wine over dinner. Also started looking at Greece trip over son’s October half term - wife and I have been discussing it she wants to go for 2 weeks. I’m not sure but won’t cost much more (big expense is flights/ ferries). She suggested spending 3 days in Santorini which would be nice. So far costs are flights/ ferries £420, accommodation £200 (it’s Greece, it’s all basic so cheap is fine ha and staying with parents for some of the time so that‘s free). Beyond that just entertainment/ food/ drinks. Food/ drinks will be low as parents will insist on feeding us not that we’ll complain about that. Sister is planning to come for the second week - her kids have 1 week off October. Tbh I’m ok with that give us a reason to get accommodation outside crashing in my parents’ sitting room lol. Probably seems sad given the holidays I’ve had in recent years but I’m buzzing to see my family all together. My parents have never seen their grandchildren altogether. Lot of guilt on my part- we’ve been invited enough times. 

Thinking about booking the flights probably shouldn’t as I don’t think there’s covid protection but £300 altogether for the return trip which I think is really good. 

Wife is really upset re budget/ lack of lifestyle. She’s been really upset this evening - can’t live like this apparently doesn’t want to leave but feels she’ll have to if this carries on. Great. It’s weird tbh I think things are good for the first time in a very long time. When she’s away from people all she wants to do is exercise/ walking/ tv, just being a family free/ very low cost stuff basically. Asked her if she wanted to add anything to weekend plan and she tells me she thinks it’s perfect. Free weekend more or less too lol so idk.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Day 51, last day I’ll be able to say this as I’m having a drink tomorrow - sharing a really nice bottle of wine we’ve had in for a while. Actually really looking forward to it. Not going to go mad or anything though.

Spent a bit of time costing the weekend away out. Looking at £80 petrol, £85 treatment for wife she’s happy with the one apparently. £50 in drinks will be enough to share a bottle of wine over dinner. Also started looking at Greece trip over son’s October half term - wife and I have been discussing it she wants to go for 2 weeks. I’m not sure but won’t cost much more (big expense is flights/ ferries). She suggested spending 3 days in Santorini which would be nice. So far costs are flights/ ferries £420, accommodation £200 (it’s Greece, it’s all basic so cheap is fine ha and staying with parents for some of the time so that‘s free). Beyond that just entertainment/ food/ drinks. Food/ drinks will be low as parents will insist on feeding us not that we’ll complain about that. Sister is planning to come for the second week - her kids have 1 week off October. Tbh I’m ok with that give us a reason to get accommodation outside crashing in my parents’ sitting room lol. Probably seems sad given the holidays I’ve had in recent years but I’m buzzing to see my family all together. My parents have never seen their grandchildren altogether. Lot of guilt on my part- we’ve been invited enough times. 

Thinking about booking the flights probably shouldn’t as I don’t think there’s covid protection but £300 altogether for the return trip which I think is really good. 

Wife is really upset re budget/ lack of lifestyle. She’s been really upset this evening - can’t live like this apparently doesn’t want to leave but feels she’ll have to if this carries on. Great. It’s weird tbh I think things are good for the first time in a very long time. When she’s away from people all she wants to do is exercise/ walking/ tv, just being a family free/ very low cost stuff basically. Asked her if she wanted to add anything to weekend plan and she tells me she thinks it’s perfect. Free weekend more or less too lol so idk.

Still not on here as much but every time I come on you seem to be in a much better place. Re: holidays, for me it’s not what they cost it’s who you’re with, so can completely get that. Sounds great!

As for wife, not been in the loop with general goings on but just sounds like another paddy and attempt to get her own way. Let’s be real, she isn’t going to find anyone else who can provide a better lifestyle, so if she leaves she’s worse off. She’ll soon grow up and realise tough...when things aren’t even that tough in the grand scheme of things. Weirdly it does sound like she is gradually coming round...even if it is a nuclear thing to say it just sounds empty with you far more normal!

elbree

The holiday to Greece sounds great @alt80, there's nothing like cousins so I'm sure to our son will love it. As does the anniversary weekend. Why is your wife upset exactly? Sounds like a pretty nice lifestyle to me - perhaps if you could get to the bottom of that you could help. People tend to use money/possessions to help them feel better about themselves, maybe that's why she feels upset at not being able to spend freely. Anyway you're doing brilliantly. Enjoy your wine! 

alt80

@ryanm8655 good to hear from you mate - work still mad?

I’ve never been massively into holidays but the best ones haven’t been the most expensive. Bit concerned about being away for 2 weeks even so bit of time to decide though.

Yeah she wouldn’t exactly be falling over randy fit 30 year old millionaires round here mate tbh so know where you’re coming from on one hand tbf. 

@elbree my son loves his cousins - they see each other fairly regularly or did prepandemic will all have a great time know that. 

My wife likes clothes/ bags/ shoes etc and is devastated about her budget for the rest of the year. £1k. She doesn’t know but it’s £2k really as I need nothing but that’s still not anywhere close enough. She has a liking for high end designer stuff that’s a lot of money per item. 100 this is what’s kicked her off and seeing girls/ brands on IG that she follows. 

Half very much looking forward to the wine and half sad I won’t be able to say day 52 haha. 

getmore4less

Good that the holidays are coming together with the door to door costings.

It does not matter where you allocate but needs to be done other wise they are just unplanned not in budget spends.
A £500 allocation can easily become £1k if not careful. 

With Greece trip I highly recommend 2 weeks and splitting it up into bits is a great way to make it work better for your away phobia.
Some will be with family, all of you together for the first time you probably won't want that to end.

Have a word with sis and see if you can plan something special for the lot of you and split the cost.

Also since some of the time can be counted just living somewhere else for a bit you can use some of the normal household like do a big grocery shop.

A lot of this detailed planning/allocation etc is part of the learning exercise to work on getting value, over time it will become more instinctive and you will know that a weekend in a hotel that costs £300  will really cost £500-£600  etc.

I get a feeling that your IG fuelled  spend money holidays have skewed your views you did not enjoy them and now you know they really were a waste of good money it is feeding your extreme which for you is no holidays ever again.
Think about all the great trips you have had and start looking forward to more of those and maybe venture out a little bit.

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Anecdotes are good so I will slip. one in here.
As I have said we like being away but I do like a deal so spend a lot of time looking for stuff that suits us.
Dec 2019 had nothing on,  looking as usual had my eye on a few things Dec through Feb  looking for price drops then a deal popped up on a TUI(Thomsom) packaged cruise from Cyprus, decent price AI on the ship which is always good for the budget.

Quick scan of the flight options for timings distance etc  looks like EMA works(not as easy as our regulars), parking a bit pricey (~£50) next to terminal and flight times not to bad to drive up on the day, but these days we like to do a night before and go out to dinner, another check and found hotel with parking and transfers £75(with code), google maps finds a curry place close enough...  weather check for Israel, Rhodes and Turkey looks OK(ish) better than home.

Booked it 2nd week of Dec, 10days later driving up to EMA for a week leading up to Xmas. door to door all in ~£1k that's for both of us. hotel, parking, flights, transfers & a week AI on a ship.
( I had to look that up I forgot what a bargain it was)

We did have some spends during the week for off the ship lunches(we look for nice places).
highlight of the trip, the paid for tour, Jerusalem and Bethlehem Xmas eve.
Not into this deity stuff but probably our best day out during 2019 even though it was 16 hours in the end due to traffic issues.. 
Do it again tomorrow if we were not locked down.
That fairly spontaneous choice turned into something good we will remember for a long time
(We have a feel for it so most turn out OK without much planning)

That turned into a bit about me but the message is I do hope you can find some enjoyment from your trips and open your eye to other things than just working.
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I pose a challenge to measure your success with the business, can you go two weeks without contacting work or them needing to contact you?  

ladyholly

    Of course your wife is upset. You, as she sees it, have taken her away her toys and now she doesnt know what to do with herself.  She is behaving as a young child does when they cant have there own way. The trouble is your wife is not a child and really needs to grow up accept things as they are for which she is partly respnsible and get on with either leaving or  staying and putting on her big girl pants. Stop pandering to her and when she starts with the nonsense just tell her she knows the score she can stay or go as she pleases but stop throwing her toys out of the pram and the most important bit dont say you are are sorry but just leave her to her tantrum. The basic problem as I see it is she is bored so has to rely on the falsehoods of IG. She has very few resources at her disposal mentally to get herself away from that boredom. That is why she needs a activities to go to when lockdown ends. Tennis coaching, volunteering, a job, activity with the dog (I mean something like cannicross, agility or flyball). All these would bring her into contact with more down to earth people and get her away from IG. The thing about getting involved with one activity is it often leads to others which will lead to less time for following people on IG who are either paid to influence people or who are projecting a false life.

     I dont know if you married in Church or what your vows were if not  but if appropriate you could remind her about the"for better for worse, for richer for poorer bit". I know many people dont seem to take these seriously these days but they are promises that you undertake freely as an adult. I know she was young when you married but then so was I at 19 and have always stood by  the promises I made on that day.

enthusiasticsaver

Your holiday plans sound good and well done for costing these out before including the spends. Just hope the hotel doesn't have a high end shop where your wife may be tempted to buy stuff. October for Greece sounds sensible as I am not sure travelling this summer is going to be normal. We have a month booked in Canada in September which was delayed from last year  but plan on delaying again for another year as we want things to be as normal as possible. Great your sister is coming too so the cousins can get together and your parents can see them all. 

I took a look at Balmain and tbf the prices are mad. £50 for a T shirt which is nothing special. I think you have to be mad to pay those prices as even though I could afford it I would not pay it as I don't think it is good value. I just envision all these crazy people on IG now promoting all this overpriced stuff and the only winners are the company. She really needs to get away from It as it is making her discontented. It is a bit like all these people bragging on social media how much money they can waste. Very shallow and false. You have opened my eyes to all this as this is a feature of modern life I hate and I am just glad none of my family or friends buy into that. I would not tell her you are giving your personal spends to her or she will just push for more. You are doing so well. 

RelievedSheff

I think the family holiday in Greece sounds amazing. A chance to get everyone together without having to go daft and spend loads of money. Your parents will love it as well seeing all of their grand kids together.