First Steps to Solvency

Onebrokelady

Like I said before you don't have to rush out and go crazy just because Bojo says you can. You could just stay as you are for as long as you want or until you feel like you can keep things under control. I am not planning on doing much even when we can because I can't afford to waste money.its got to be something worthwhile to tempt me to spend. I will start riding again because that is my main passion and it's good for my mental health but I'm not opening up a busy social life again and definitely not shopping for the sake of it anymore 
I would absolutely love to work 3 hours a day painting someone's fingernails for £12,500 🙀I work 26.5 hours a week spilt up into two 8 hour shifts and one 12 hour shift and I'm in a hospital on my feet the whole time I'm there, I used to work more hours than this but had to drop them in November because I have a chronic illness which is affecting my mobility, For this I earn just under £13,500 which I can bump up if I work every Sunday which I do try to do as much as possible. If I wasn't ill I would still be full time which was three 12 hour shifts a week. Your wife doesn't realise just how lucky she is 

As for your dodgy mate I would be honest with him and tell him you are fed up of that lifestyle as it was having a damaging effect on your health, family and business. You now want to make sure you are there for your family and to be able to run your business properly and if he can't respect that then you are going to have to cut ties with him,if he wants to carry on living that way that's up to him but you no longer want to be a part of it 

getmore4less

The going out has been covered was going to say similar.

will add

Your business is doing better than it has for years, throwing hours at it is not the most productive use of your time.
There is a balance you will find it  plenty of goals you can create to keep growing and still have a family time.


On the spending you still have mixed stuff going on in your head as you have yet to consolidate the longer term,  you have been conditioned into instant fix/buzz so can't see beyond the debt currently.

You can still spend when the value is there, you spend it when the time is right.
(you have stuck the RR in that category)  

Let me put it this way, 

In the next 10 years you will have £1million to spend(your business and BTL will still be growing) but you are pishing around worrying about a few £k to go visit your elderly parents only once a year.

Those visits are probably going to be the best value you will get from your time and that £1m over the next 10 years 

ladyholly

The time you spend with your parents is precious and as they get older even more so. Do it asap or you may regret it. I am not suggesting they they are on their last legs but there is no reason why you couldnt see them every year and make wonderful memories for your son of his paternal Grandparents.  I wish I could see mine again and still think of them every day and they have been gone for many years now.

alt80

Another day I’m whacked 10pm ha. Thanks all been really struggling today but have got to day 36. Had been thinking about having a beer when the rugby is on Saturday but think I’ll leave it, get to end of Sunday that’s a full calendar month, satisfies my obsessive side lol. Good day on the work front and nice evening with the family getting out for a decent walk. Son stayed up a bit late watching the repair shop, he loves that programme. Was asleep in 5 mins though 9pm haha. My head still not in a great place, most depressed I’ve felt for a few weeks don’t want lockdown to stop really I mean I don’t want my lockdown to stop. Hear you on don’t have to go back to life as it was, think hearing people talk about going back to ‘normal’ etc is a bit more triggering than I thought it would be. Been having the not good enough feelings on the money/ house side too the moment I let my mind wonder. @theoretica thanks I am trying to keep my mind from wondering and it’s helping.

Not reconciled my finances yet. Last day of my financial month tomorrow. Friday I’ve planned a lighter day on the work so should be able to sort everything then rather than working on it late at night making silly mistakes. Wife wants me to finish work 4pm every Friday lol.

Wife had her phone in my office again lol. She’s finding it hard staying off IG, doing stupid amounts of exercise and practising music haha old hobby of hers, what she studied at uni for a bit. Doesn’t cost anything so not complaining apart from son wanting to learn piano 100 almost guarantee wife will rope me into paying for him to do lessons at school in September FML.

I know people on here only mean well but I don’t want to think my parents not having many years left etc. Regrets are bad enough not just that but made me think about the amount of time I’ve put the stuff before my family. Not something I’m proud of at all. Wish I could turn the clock back 20 years and do all the right things not really for me but for business and my parents/ wife/ son. Know I can’t and it’s hard to forgive myself stop thinking about the past.

efes_shareholder

alt80 said:

Another day I’m whacked 10pm ha. Thanks all been really struggling today but have got to day 36. Had been thinking about having a beer when the rugby is on Saturday but think I’ll leave it, get to end of Sunday that’s a full calendar month, satisfies my obsessive side lol. Good day on the work front and nice evening with the family getting out for a decent walk. Son stayed up a bit late watching the repair shop, he loves that programme. Was asleep in 5 mins though 9pm haha. My head still not in a great place, most depressed I’ve felt for a few weeks don’t want lockdown to stop really I mean I don’t want my lockdown to stop. Hear you on don’t have to go back to life as it was, think hearing people talk about going back to ‘normal’ etc is a bit more triggering than I thought it would be. Been having the not good enough feelings on the money/ house side too the moment I let my mind wonder. @theoretica thanks I am trying to keep my mind from wondering and it’s helping.

Not reconciled my finances yet. Last day of my financial month tomorrow. Friday I’ve planned a lighter day on the work so should be able to sort everything then rather than working on it late at night making silly mistakes. Wife wants me to finish work 4pm every Friday lol.

Wife had her phone in my office again lol. She’s finding it hard staying off IG, doing stupid amounts of exercise and practising music haha old hobby of hers, what she studied at uni for a bit. Doesn’t cost anything so not complaining apart from son wanting to learn piano 100 almost guarantee wife will rope me into paying for him to do lessons at school in September FML.

I know people on here only mean well but I don’t want to think my parents not having many years left etc. Regrets are bad enough not just that but made me think about the amount of time I’ve put the stuff before my family. Not something I’m proud of at all. Wish I could turn the clock back 20 years and do all the right things not really for me but for business and my parents/ wife/ son. Know I can’t and it’s hard to forgive myself stop thinking about the past.

we can't change the past but the one thing we have in our hands to a certain extent is the future.
My dad also lives abroad and for many years we didn't have a relationship but in the last 5 or so we have that father/daughter relationship back , I was even able to tell him what a crap dad he was when I was growing up - I love holidays and do many social/event holidays a year but I always make sure I get a 5 day stint with him as the one thing we can never get back is time 
I'm sure god forbid anything happened you would regret not taking time to make memories from now much more then anything else that has happened in the past - covid has certainly confirmed that for me.

Legs21

If you plan your weekend activities in advance post lockdown then you can eliminate the urge to go on spending sprees. You are already going for long walks on the weekend and you’re all enjoying doing it as a family. Lockdown ending will just open up the distance you can travel to go on those long walks. Plan the walks in places where there are only little local shops. Start taking picnics/ drinks out with you now and it will soon become routine and take away the need to have pub/restaurant lunches on your walks post lockdown. If you keep planning longer walks you’ll all be too shattered by the time you get home and will just want to crash in front of the TV watching films for the evening when you get back. 

alt80

Thanks @efes_shareholder and @legs21 I possibly need to get out of the overthinking it. If I can keep myself in the right mindset it doesn’t have to be disastrous. I’m less concerned about going mad with the spending and having a meal out as a family. More concerned I’ll get back into the habits I had before and wife’s parents will want to see her I get left in my own and everything just starts again. 

Coming to the conclusion my JV mate is so wrapped up in sniffing coke he can’t see anything else. Need to keep that strictly business tbh will have to meet with him but it’s going to have to be during work hours at my comm office and with my member of staff who looks after his portfolio day to day. 

Went to bed same time as wife last night asleep the moment my head touched the pillow ha didn’t wake until 7am either and no odd dreams. I’m whacked after a full day working and evening with family not sure why possibly something not quite right. Bit concerned I’m not able to sit working out plans for the debts as I’m too tired but I do have a plan in place so just going to stick with that for a bit. Panicking there’s a better one and I’m too whacked of an evening to see it lol.

Another busy workday planned today and usual dog walk/ tv this evening. Told wife I’m a bit concerned what I’m doing on my free time is a bit lame. She laughed at me said it’s better than doing coke to stay up all night not really doing anything anyway full of my own self importance haha true tbf.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Thanks @efes_shareholder and @legs21 I possibly need to get out of the overthinking it. If I can keep myself in the right mindset it doesn’t have to be disastrous. I’m less concerned about going mad with the spending and having a meal out as a family. More concerned I’ll get back into the habits I had before and wife’s parents will want to see her I get left in my own and everything just starts again. 

Coming to the conclusion my JV mate is so wrapped up in sniffing coke he can’t see anything else. Need to keep that strictly business tbh will have to meet with him but it’s going to have to be during work hours at my comm office and with my member of staff who looks after his portfolio day to day. 

Went to bed same time as wife last night asleep the moment my head touched the pillow ha didn’t wake until 7am either and no odd dreams. I’m whacked after a full day working and evening with family not sure why possibly something not quite right. Bit concerned I’m not able to sit working out plans for the debts as I’m too tired but I do have a plan in place so just going to stick with that for a bit. Panicking there’s a better one and I’m too whacked of an evening to see it lol.

Another busy workday planned today and usual dog walk/ tv this evening. Told wife I’m a bit concerned what I’m doing on my free time is a bit lame. She laughed at me said it’s better than doing coke to stay up all night not really doing anything anyway full of my own self importance haha true tbf.

It is normal to be tired after a full day at work and then some family time.

There is nothing wrong with you, you are just having fulfilled days.   

Enjoy them and stop worrying.

ladyholly

I think most people are whacked after a days work and family time. As Relieved sheff said enjoy and dont worry.

alt80

Wrote on alcohol thread hard to not regret the past but can only make the better choices going forwards. Better day mindset wise today feel like I might get there and keep away maybe just because the weather is decent who knows ha. Not like one of these people who needs to learn how to sit at a table again haha but FML the not knowing what I want/ like or it affecting parts of my life I never even knew it did eg being away from home. Wasted my life in a lot of ways so far really starting to wonder if the clean living is actually living. 

Busy with the work, same planned for this evening apart from reconciling the last of this months spends. Well under budget for the month know that already. Probably need to let the obsessive debt tracking/ forecasting go for a bit just park it and run with current budget for the next quarter put proper review in phone at the end of the quarter. Realised I’m obsessing about things in the budget allocated to spends hoping I don’t spend and can make debt overpayments with the money at the end of the year. Stuff like telling my wife I have a present budget but I don’t want it used under any circumstances. She thinks it’s weird/ obsessive/ next round of BS from me ha. 

@RelievedSheff / @ladyholly Seeing it for what it was today tbh either whacked because I wasn’t wired on stimulants or wired on stimulants FML.