First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@Nicnak thanks. Yeah I’m staying away from it, not going to leave the house. Have actually said to her she doesn’t stick with the budget amounts she’s going on the prepay ha. Need to just keep with it or the madness just going to start again. Haven’t entirely ditched mate just between 11pm and 7am on phone ha but yeah all he wants is someone to do it with again. Don’t think wife wants me on it just wants to know I’ll stay off it or something idk get on with the work I think.

getmore4less

I can see this has raked up the past again but try not to overthink, the lesson is that you don't need to be indulging for the sake of it anymore you need to work as a team with what you have, that should come with time.
She is a few month behind you and reality is not one of her stronger mind sets.

Bargainhunter30

Well done for the 30 days alt, you can do this. Sorry you've had a rough night. Maybe go easy on your wife, this lockdown is hard on everyone and she doesn't have much to entertain her. Hopefully her guilt will help change her way, like it has you. I'm sure theres a saying about reflection on bad decisions in the past helping to shape a better future. You've come a long way and she will hopefully join you for the journey soon. Honestly get her watching some Channel 5 reality tv, then she'll see how the other side live, including her nail technician friend.

ryanm8655

Congrats on day 30 mate. Glad you got to sleep in the end.

Everything you wrote sounds clear and logical to me. Must be tough to admit to yourself but hopefully soon you will be in a place where you blame yourself less.

Agree re: Instagram being like the Chang, probably as expensive too by the sounds of things. Sounds like this nail “mate” of hers is the equivalent of your JV “mate” too. A shame your wife can’t see that but she seems very immature. Guarantee the nail mate will be jealous of your wife and the lifestyle you give etc. Just as JV mate is jealous of your family and life (trust me he is) and they’re both the types to sabotage. But it’s also the issue with people who have nothing to do but chat and gossip all day, they love creating drama. My mum is one of these types, both on the drama front and sabotaging those doing well for themselves, tried multiple times sabotaging my life as I was doing well, even went to uni in an attempt to match me (a !!!!!! one) but dropped out fairly quickly ha. So know the type well.

Been where you are with getting in debt for girls ha. Remember panicking and getting into debt so that I could buy a suit and the fancy hotel for an ex’s brothers wedding. In fairness that was more me wanting to make the effort but she did also do the whole manipulation thing and gaslighting, just not to get me to buy her things. But it did lead to the same, booking extravagant and fun things to try and please her, while getting myself in more debt. Even hit the debt busting hard in an attempt to please ha. 

I did wonder about the comments on women being a way to justify your own situation to yourself but didn’t want to say. I’ve dated stacks of women and haven’t met many like that. My uncle has dated one or two but binned them off pretty sharpish and has dated plenty of normal, independent women. One he’s dating now sounds like a nightmare on paper, 3 kids, early 30s (he’s mid 40s), yes she’s attractive but actually very nice, always worked and though she isn’t rich trying to better herself by progressing through accountancy qualifications etc. A really good laugh and does really thoughtful things like send him lunch when he’s stressed from working. Don’t see it lasting but just a little anecdote to say not all women are looking for a meal ticket.

Absolutely disgusted at your wife but be the bigger person, would’ve been easy to jump back on it but you didn’t. She should be ashamed and count her lucky stars you’re a nice bloke who cares about your son, or else she might be calling that nail mate to sleep on the sofa and they’d probably say no too!

Mrs_F_2017

@alt80 a huge well done for your 30 days! That is a massive achievement and you should be very proud of yourself, especially with everything you've had thrown at you in the last few days. Everyone on here is rooting for you!

Your wife is definitely a few months behind you in the debt busting/more sustainable life but I agree with others that this weekend you should sit down with her and really lay the cards on the table. I think prepaid cards for you both is still the best idea.  That way there can be no overspending. I get the credit card thing....we do most of our day to day spending on credit cards (budgeted in advance and always paid off in full) to earn rewards but until your wife has proven that she can be trusted I don't think you can do this.  Its easy sticking to budgets currently with little temptation but she'll be straight back into town once shops reopen!

warby68

Loads of discussion about your wife but I just want to say congratulations on 30 days clean (and sober).

Its a magnificent achievement, especially considering you're effectively doing it solo and with considerable undermining from your wife.

Its easy to see why you've been successful in business.

rugbymadfamily

Congrats on reaching 30 days, thats a massive achievement. Especially as you've stayed off of both he booze and the other stuff. Well done! Treat yourself to a little reward like a coffee / mcdonalds etc if you feel like giving yourself a well done, which I hope you do!

I'm a similar age to your wife and to be honest, I never joined IG because I just hate the show off concept of it. Hopefully this will convince her how bad it is for her. She really needs some post lockdown hobbies if she is determined not to work, there's so many out there from volunteering at kids sport, volunteering at charities like the National Trust or many others, dog walking groups, doing classes at the local college (I recently did a flower arranging one hahaha I was terrible!) but do many things she could get into that would stop her having so much time on her hands that means she just sits and scrolls through peoples highlights reels on IG.

sarahevie1

I'm a similar age to your wife as well, and it astounds me tbf. I don't understand the hold she has over you at all, as if she's realistically going to blag a footballer! I think her parents have to take some responsibility, I'm sure 'saintly' FIL would be disgusted at her spending habits, tongue as well.
 I do worry for her though as if you left her (sadly I've seen it happen in real life) she would literally be up the creek without a paddle and she's clearly unbalanced going to bed crying isn't nice for anyone. So she has my sympathy, but I do sit reading/shaking my head.
Really hope you work on your marriage as think there's some issues that need resolving - well done on 30 days. 

ladyholly

First very well done on 30 days. A wonderful achievement with all the other stuff.
I don't have anything to say about your wife other than I hope she has taken on board the possible budget her mate is working on and how much better hers is. The mate sounds like a jealous b*****  whose main aim is to sabotage others relationships to make hers seem better.  Over the weekend sit down with her and try to make her understand you love her, want to be with her but cannot continue to put up with her trying to drive you away or sabotage your efforts to break the budget so you can all have a more sustainable life when the debts are gone with some of the treats you are all used to. 

Bargainhunter30

You've also got to think your wife's friend only hears her side and how badly she is being treated, whilst we only hear your side. The only way to make it better is to communicate with each other.  A relationship is a partnership and we all have faults, maybe relationship counselling to get you on the same page would be useful.