First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Does your wife not realise you also have to find the RR balloon as well as clear the credit cards or you will take another 30% depreciation hit if you exchange for another car in 2024? I always think of PCP as being the same as renting a  property instead of buying it. You are in fact renting a car rather than acquiring an asset. Cars are not good at holding value but at least if you buy outright you have something to P/E when it comes to renewal time. It does not sound like she has a head for figures but she needs to understand this is not a short term thing.  You went mad for a few years (both of you) but now you have your financial head on and are treating your personal finances like your business so the budget has to balance every month not just for a few months. Also if her family are so against debt why is she hell bent on continuing to ramp it up by blowing the budget on stuff she does not even need?  The overdraft you are dealing with now two months after Christmas was down to her wasn't it? 

You still seem to be looking at luxury cars for the second car to replace the BMW so be careful the BIK does not swallow up most of the £590 per month saving.  

getmore4less

 I still get the odd ‘daughter could do a bit better’ comment every now and again lol. 

You could thro it back at the FIL(easy for me to say behind my keyboard and a bit tonged in cheek) with something like

She probably could have done better if she had a better start in life, but we are dealt with what we are born into unless we up our game like I have done.

Anyway she has been saying the same I suggested she comes back to live with you for further life lessons so she can do better, should only take another 10 years she has been acting like a 10yo for that last year.


ON a more serious note.

We are nearly a year since this journey started with lockdown and the realisation that family is important.
Look how far you have come.
There have been ups and down but at the core it is family even if they have not been the easiest to live with at times.
Business is back on track with realistic objectives that will make a difference.
Family needs a bit of work, getting there slowly
(Don't they say the time to worry is when they stop saying they are going to leave?)

Head is in a much better place, starting to deal with and accept that some of the previous goals were not realistic, making sensible decisions and working on the issues is all very positive.

You have seen what works for  the weekend so keep that up
(I think you can see why last year these were a problem too messed up in the week to plan so messed up the weekends.)


Can see where you are coming from with the G-waggon they are so ugly they make a RR look almost attractive.

vampirotoothus

Hi, the walks with your son sound lovely. Does he have a digital camera, or do you have an old phone he can use to take his own pictures. You could then look through them together and maybe print some to put in the new A5 journal? Keep on keeping on, you are doing so well.

alt80

Friday/ weekend plans, keeping it simple - big dog walk @vampirotoothus he’s taking his iPad to take photos and I’ve found him a notebook from my office will give it him Friday, he doesn’t know about the photojournal yet and loves taking photos so think he’ll like that. Few hours playing with his toys. Set the ‘cinema’ up and watch a few films told him viewing choice is his responsibility I’ll make the hot choc. Told him we’ll do his school stuff ready for them going back (virtually). Sunday bread bake day haha wasn’t anywhere near as bad as wife reckoned it was going to be so we’ll see if that was just beginners luck on my part ha. Wife baked with him before !!!!!! nightmare and carnage he refused to help tidy up. He helped me tidy up probably only because he wanted hot choc and I told him that was conditional on a good tidy up job ha bribing kids add to my bad habits now.

@Legs21 thanks, trying to get it together ha. Know what you mean re decisions - especially re cars. Get others just think they are a !!!!!! waste. Whilst I don’t do particularly high miles, I drive most days to somewhere and spend a fair bit of time in my car and I like cars - I get my choices aren’t pragmatic but neither are my furniture choices tbt I don’t regret furnishing my house with nice pieces either. Something I don’t think will change and a lot of people on here will probably not get - I doubt I’m going to start living as cheap as possible. Same with clothes etc, I’d rather buy decent quality clothes I’ll wear for a number of years rather than cheaper that I’ll wear for 6 months. 

Think you’re right about now being the real start. Someone else said what went before was pretty much voided by the fact I was still using - off the budget and partaking in risk taking behaviour under the influence ultimately.

@enthusiasticsaver I know where you’re coming from re pcp - buy and hand back end of term basically like a contract hire lease which is what most do agreed. I haven’t used them like that in the past - I bought my Sport on one and refinanced the balloon. For me it’s more been a way to pay a bit less a month and spread it over a longer period of time. Yeah I know it’s cost me a fortune in interest doing that rather than finding the balloon or HP over 60 months. Tbt did it so I could get the car I wanted smallest payment, less interference with other parts of my lifestyle. I assumed I’d do the same with the F-Type and BMW but neither were meant to be. Definitely consider the hand back and get new option but more likely to keep. Wife doesn’t even think about it ha. She knows I’ve got the RR balloon but doesn’t understand why I want to clear it this time rather than refinance it. 

I know you think the cars are ridiculous - as I say above I know I’m not pragmatic about them. 

Also re wife she just wants her toys and come to the conclusion the money is my problem, so far as she is concerned she is in debt for only the res mortgage and she’s not wrong from the point of view of nothing else being in her name. She has the cards because she’s an additional cardholder - no commitment to pay the debts accrued from them. Sometimes she decides she wants to ‘help me out’. Her dad told her absolutely none of this is any of her fault, she is not a debtor, all me, doesn’t matter what she bought etc so I get that thrown at me all the !!!!!! time.

O/d partly Christmas, partly me buying chang.

Re BIK - deliberately looking at lowish BIK cars. I usually take a bonus at the end of the financial year decided I’m going to stop doing that not just this year to leave more in retained, the business will effectively fund this car and absorb the BIK (within reason) in exchange for me taking no bonus payment in March. Not sure that makes sense but cleared with accountant. Also reviewing company cars for staff which will help a little too.

@getmore4less lol I won’t be saying that to my fil but it did make me laugh.

Thanks been a bit of a ride ha. My family mean a lot to me, don’t think I realised it really before lockdown they came last probably bit too late there tbh. Got a bit beyond her saying she’ll leave tbh mate she’s reckons she’s planning to see who’s out there post lockdown. Whether she will or not idk.

ladyholly

Your FiL is being unreasonable or uninformed if he really thinks all the debt is yours. Yes on paper it may be but you are jointly responsible whether he likes it or not. I am with get more for less  in that you should warn him that his daughter may well be returning to them after lock down as you are such a disappointment to them all. See what he says.

stymied

Weekend plans sound great - enjoy your time with your son.

Bargainhunter30

I agree with others, stop saying sorry, this is her debt too. She enjoyed the lifestyle before, as did you but it wasnt a lifestyle you could afford,  hence the debt. If you had both lived to your means then, you wouldn't have to scrimp now, she needs to realise this. Her lifestyle has not been taken away by your cars and drug use, but by both your choices. IE. Private school, designer clothes, expensive meals and champagne. It all adds up. 

I would also seriously consider having a conversation with her father, just asking for his advice on how to move forward with her. Be honest, say you're struggling and see what he says.
I don't think she will ever leave you, she's got it too good.

theoretica

alt80 said:

I’ve never gone into real details to wife about where it could have gone carrying on as I was. Pretty obvious though def doesn’t take a genius to work out where a !!!!!! tonne of credit card debt, £2.5k/m of car finance, badly thought through development deals and leveraging a portfolio to the max with some on LTV covenants and tonne of PGs leads if one little thing tips it in the wrong direction. [...] Wife never been there, she’s never really had the stress of debt I’ve 100 shielded her from that, still do tbh closest she’s come is me saying she needs to wind the spends into fit the budget. She’s just waiting for me getting back to business as usual buy her some gifts in exchange for my crap behaviour - no way to live for either of us. I can’t do that anymore.

Maybe think about being blunter with your wife - thanks to your actions her home isn't under threat now, but either one of you carrying on with the spending as you used to could put it there.  How can she make good decisions and value significant changes without full data?

alt80

Evening in front of the tv and the wife decided to tell me what’s been going on - massively sorry apparently actually think she is but still FML. Crying that she feels someone is trying to sabotage her marriage - deliberately winding me up to see if I’d go back on the chang because some girl she did nails with thought it would be a good ‘test’. Told her if I didn’t, I was serious about giving it up for good - saw the !!!!!! IG messages. This girl is 6 years younger than my wife with 3 kids by 2 different men, she does nails 3 days a week school hours, guy she lives with in a £150k rented house works shifts packing stuff into boxes and she’s sending DMs to wife telling her I’m the ‘no hoper’, should ditch me, I need her more than she needs me and best one was should only have one mortgage so is she sure I’ve not bought property for other women ha FML can’t deal with the one I’ve got and only thing wife didn’t get sucked into tbf. Seriously considering adding celibacy to my growing list of actions to become a complete teetotal saint probably be the best road. No !!!!!! words tbh. 100% need the rant ha not sure what’s worse her deciding to throw everything she’s got at me all at once or the fact she’s been in cahoots with some halfwit who reckons I’ve potentially got a !!!!!! hareem. 

All started because wife is sad about the budget amounts agreed and ranting about it to this girl. I sat her down 10.45pm tonight FML and worked out a rough approximation of the money the nail tech and bf will bring in, minus rent and bills, food etc. Showed wife this woman telling her that I’m being unfair with wife’s spends budget because makeup cull for the year, no AirPods Max and clothes at £1k couldn’t even !!!!!! buy a CT pallette at the end of the month never mind the Balmain. Wife with a completely !!!!!! straight face asks me if I think this girl’s Balmain t-shirt is fake before she went to bed crying. F.M.L. This sort of !!!!!! is some of the reason I really !!!!!! wish she’d get a job, honestly think it would help. Forever 20 years old 100% tbh think she was actually more switched on back then tbt.

On a better note - day 29 and hopefully will actually have a nice weekend with wife and son now this BS is hopefully done and wife agreed to not look at her IG until Monday. She’s cooking me a nice meal on Saturday night and I’m doing a roast chicken Sunday. Will make a change from the 5 days of plain chicken salad this week to make up for the rugby snacks and my Valentines meal. Not sure any amount of chill app going to help me sleep well tonight after this though. If I didn’t laugh it off think I could !!!!!! cry myself lol.

alt80

Still wide awake, don’t know about sending her back to the in-laws. Might find some money in the budget to !!!!!! pay them to take her back. Half hope she does find some footballer won’t be my problem anymore ha. Don’t know why I !!!!!! bother sometimes.

Feel like getting absolutely !!!!!! ha but not going to lol.