First Steps to Solvency

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Half decent nights sleep definitely got 6 hours maybe little bit more and no middle of the night wake ups. My mate woke me up calling 6.30am actually blocked him now when my downtime is set on phone could have got a bit more sleep. Been on the chang thinking I want to know everything about a couple of his units that his family have owned for years full !!!!!! history tenants through the ages what a !!!!!! boss he is 100 I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that. FML off it and realise how people are on it !!!!!! selfish ha. Told him I’m keeping away, can’t do it anymore. Massive rant from him that I’m !!!!!! deluded thinking I was anything close to being addicted to it and I’ll be fine. Just trying to get me back into it 100%. Really hope he gets himself sorted tbh still really concerned for him. Feels like it’s all around me never really noticed it or paid too much mind to it before but just another thing, seen it for what it is ha. 

Wife just wants to be treated believes she deserves the best nothing else. Actually have asked her to do the counselling but as she says it’s me with the mental issues, debt and years of sniffing the stuff not her, she’s not wrong. I am concerned how to move forwards if she doesn’t find some else. That’s not what I want but not really sure how she comes to terms with this can see it from her point of view re my financial situation and yeah definitely it’s threats of give me what I want or I will leave. She’s 33 soon on the G-Wagen still this morning for her birthday - I should get rid of the Range Rover for one as I’ve done x y z and always chosen cars. I !!!!!! hate those things and she likes the RR so not happening 100% looking as she knows the BMW is going and I’ve asked her to come up with a list of things to see when we can so far we’ve got the C Coupe and I-Pace. Both agreed nothing from the current BMW range and now she adds a !!!!!! G-Wagen to the list and ‘we should consider it’ getting son on board, he thinks it’s cool so for her that’s it 7 year old made his mind up better find a way ha. Yeah probably not going to walk out straight into a footballer’s arms realistically either ha I am aware enough to realise that and tbh think she is too just grandstanding. Birthday coming up just another occasion for me to get wrong that’s definitely weird used to enjoy the occasions, not anymore.

Agree re the sensible thinking off the substances. Never really realised how much it affected me until I did iyswim. Didn’t realise I live in a !!!!!! mad house either ha.

Good work sacking off the friend. What a difference a clear head makes.

Your wife is mental, is she having some kind of pre mid life crisis or something? A G wagon for her birthday when you’re trying to save money. You need to put your foot down. Her position isn’t understandable at all...

Your wife is older than I am but makes me seem grown up...I’m no footballer but I’d have reservations about a woman that didn’t have the ambition or drive to work, let alone had a kid. She’s in cloud cuckoo land.

enthusiasticsaver

Maybe you should get her what she got you for your birthday?   Nothing!  I am sure that would go down like a lead balloon though and you have to live with her so maybe not. 

RelievedSheff

enthusiasticsaver said:

Maybe you should get her what she got you for your birthday?   Nothing!  I am sure that would go down like a lead balloon though and you have to live with her so maybe not. 

A toy G Waggon is what I would get her with a note attached saying if you want a real one go get a job and earn it  

ladyholly

For her birthday if I were you I would get her what she got you for Christmas and Valentines day. A small i.e. cheap gift from your son and thats it and tell her if she wants to go the door is open. If she doesnt then get used to the budget and it isnt going to change just to indulge her nonsense re millionaire lifestyle.

ladyholly

Incidentally well done on blocking your "friend". Someone who cant respect your decision to lead a clean life is no friend.

alt80

@Sun_Addict that’s her back up option mate someone ‘made it in business’ and settle down together in Shitcliffe on Trent looking at proper multinational level there FML. I have to try to laugh it off tbh would break me if I start thinking about it too much can’t take the banter ha anyway rant over lol.

I get she’s upset about the way things are re finances etc. We’ve had a fair few years living a lifestyle tbh even prior to my madness we had more a lifestyle than we will have going forwards and she’s starting to see the end of ‘pandemic life’. That’s killing her more than she thought it would I get that and I get it’s down to my financial problems I’ve had to be the one to rein it in. Tbh I was seriously concerned she’d leave me when I told her about my refinance and not really learning from that. She took that all far too well looking back ha. Dread to think where I’d be had the lockdown not happened last year, was going same way as when I refinanced but without the option to do so. The cards were over £55k this time last year only got them down to £40k taking payment holidays from everything during lockdown 1. Would have probably wound up maxing my cards again and refinancing my res home for a stupid rate had covid not happened. Know a res remo couldn’t have been done on a normal rate with the affordability stuff these days but had I been where I fear I could have been I’d have been desperate by now and on my last chance. Carried on from there I actually would have been !!!!!! or might have been already well before had I not been able to get my head together enough to sort the FA on the block so yeah I know how close I’ve come to things being really !!!!!! bad. Wife doesn’t see that one bit, she just sees we have restrictions and much less money day to day. I tell her I’m sorry everyday hope she sees I am trying to make the future better but I can’t change the past no matter how much I wish I could for all sorts of reasons.

I need the substances away from my life. 100 agree with the people/ places/ things stuff it’s true 100%. Just keeping to the one day at a time and know I don’t sort myself out now I possibly never will. I don’t want my son growing up to say his dad had too much of a liking for the chang big motivator there to keep away.

Generally just IG people she speaks to who tbf are people she knows in some capacity. Few girls from the nail course and school meet her for coffee once in a while but obviously not recently. She’s very close to her family parents and siblings. Two of her siblings live closer to parents-in-law and one not too much further away than us. Really close knit always have been, she’s the youngest by a bit and everyone’s little princess haha always has been. Her mum and dad totally different with her than the others. Still fussed around her like a 5 year old until lockdown now quite strict about the childcare bubble that wife cries about probably once a week lol.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@Sun_Addict that’s her back up option mate someone ‘made it in business’ and settle down together in Shitcliffe on Trent looking at proper multinational level there FML. I have to try to laugh it off tbh would break me if I start thinking about it too much can’t take the banter ha anyway rant over lol.

I get she’s upset about the way things are re finances etc. We’ve had a fair few years living a lifestyle tbh even prior to my madness we had more a lifestyle than we will have going forwards and she’s starting to see the end of ‘pandemic life’. That’s killing her more than she thought it would I get that and I get it’s down to my financial problems I’ve had to be the one to rein it in. Tbh I was seriously concerned she’d leave me when I told her about my refinance and not really learning from that. She took that all far too well looking back ha. Dread to think where I’d be had the lockdown not happened last year, was going same way as when I refinanced but without the option to do so. The cards were over £55k this time last year only got them down to £40k taking payment holidays from everything during lockdown 1. Would have probably wound up maxing my cards again and refinancing my res home for a stupid rate had covid not happened. Know a res remo couldn’t have been done on a normal rate with the affordability stuff these days but had I been where I fear I could have been I’d have been desperate by now and on my last chance. Carried on from there I actually would have been !!!!!! or might have been already well before had I not been able to get my head together enough to sort the FA on the block so yeah I know how close I’ve come to things being really !!!!!! bad. Wife doesn’t see that one bit, she just sees we have restrictions and much less money day to day. I tell her I’m sorry everyday hope she sees I am trying to make the future better but I can’t change the past no matter how much I wish I could for all sorts of reasons.

I need the substances away from my life. 100 agree with the people/ places/ things stuff it’s true 100%. Just keeping to the one day at a time and know I don’t sort myself out now I possibly never will. I don’t want my son growing up to say his dad had too much of a liking for the chang big motivator there to keep away.

Generally just IG people she speaks to who tbf are people she knows in some capacity. Few girls from the nail course and school meet her for coffee once in a while but obviously not recently. She’s very close to her family parents and siblings. Two of her siblings live closer to parents-in-law and one not too much further away than us. Really close knit always have been, she’s the youngest by a bit and everyone’s little princess haha always has been. Her mum and dad totally different with her than the others. Still fussed around her like a 5 year old until lockdown now quite strict about the childcare bubble that wife cries about probably once a week lol.

It is perhaps time for not just you but also her parents to tell her to grow up.

Heaven forbid this should never happen, but what would she do if something happened to you and you could not work anymore?

stymied

Stop saying sorry every day - that's prolonging her thinking it's all on you.

bookworm_nat123

Hi Alt, 

You've done incredibly particularly blocking your mate which shows how far you've come. I know its been said before but if you can do sit down with your wife and your past credit card statements and highlight how much of it is her spending not yours. I know you've made mistakes and yes you are responsible for a large portion of it but by no means all of it. Just look how much she's spent on unnecessary things - make up, ipad for your son etc during lockdown. If she spends that much in a lockdown how much was she spending before? 

xx

theoretica

It might be worth trying to bring school fees into her thinking - because she might be more emotionally accepting of thinking that is where a fair chunk of previous spending is going.  Also has the advantage of being true.  Talking not about financial stability for you, but ensuring long term stability for your son.

As for 'not good at business', humph, perhaps she would like to do better?