First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

Agree with what you say. If you do, she has an excuse to blow the budget. 
The trust thing is hard. She doesn't trust you because you have betrayed it so many times in her eyes and vice versa. She has blown the budget too. If you get the prepaid now then you are relieving yourself of some of the anxiety, but showing her that you don't trust her. It's a tough one and only something you can decide. Perhaps you could do it for both of you. 

You are a lot more successful than a lot of people in what you do. It's interesting that she puts a footballer above you. Footballers have to sacrifice a lot and put a lot into what they do, just the same as you. They have a skill and talent and you also have determination and working hard to get where it is you are. The last few years you have gone off like you said, but the method and determination would have been there at the beginning for you to have survived the last few years of coasting. 

It's difficult for me to understand her logic as I am not around her or interacting to try and decipher which planet she is on. You have the better understanding of what she is about and only you can make the final decision as to what next for the budget with her. 

Good luck. I really feel like you are going to need it. 

ryanm8655

Hate to say it but she sounds toxic, I’d even go so far as to say she’s gaslighting you. Was in a relationship like that once and thank Christ I broke it off...

Personally I’d go with the send her to her parents with her bags option and tell them why.

No wonder you’re going mental and have felt the need to resort to substances, Jesus.

At the very least take all the cards away and give her a universal credit budget...

Legs21

I think the things your wife says to you in temper are disgraceful. As many on here have said it’s like a child throwing a temper tantrum when they can’t have what they want. She knows what to say to push your buttons. I wouldn’t even react as that’s what she’s after, a reaction. Just tell her to go and sit on the naughty step and have a time out until she’s thought about what she’s said and is ready to apologise. She acts like a child, you’ll treat her like one!

Keep explaining the budget to your wife and hopefully one day it’ll all make sense to her and she’ll have her LBM. 

Well done on the AFD’s. See how long you can go without one, you might surprise yourself. 

Humdinger1

@alt80 not at the end of current comments so not sure if someone else had said this but could you persuade your wife to have counselling too? She seems to be stuck at the age when you met. It must have seemed like a dream come true when you galloped up in your shining armour but all it enabled her to do was to bury her head in the sand for years and years.  Even the left wing, rooted attitudes of her birth family have been jettisoned in favour of living in cloud cuckoo land.  Sorry if this sounds harsh but she's blaming you for a much needed and long overdue reality check and you got into this together. I agree with others who think her father could be a hugely important ally to you both albeit in different ways.  Don't blame yourself, you're a good man doing your best to get with the programme; you've done incredibly well under very difficult circumstances.  It doesn't matter how much money you have; everyone needs to live to a budget or find themselves in deep trouble.   If you weren't doing this, you'd be setting up long term issues for your son.  One final question for now:  have you heard about the snail who wanted an S painted on the side of his red Ferrari? Why? So that as he drove along, he could hear people say 'look at that s car go '.  Please don't think me a heartless swine but honestly, that's how most people think about flash cars.  It's your thing, I get that, and you're now working out how to pay properly for own just  one flash car that gives you pleasure rather than a collection you're basically renting; all power to your elbow.  Keep going, there are many of us full of admiration and empathy.  Humdinger 

rugbymadfamily

Maybe you should let her know that something like 3 in 5 premier league footballers go bankrupt in the few years after they retire.....its fairly well documented.

You've had lots of advice on here, I have nothing else to add but the comments about living on benefits just shows she has not got a clue what the real world is like.

enthusiasticsaver

A quick google tells me the average career of a premier league footballer is 8 years and most are retired by 35 so I don't think that will work out for your wife.  As said above a lot of them go bankrupt because they don't plan for after their earnings take a nose dive when they get too old to play at a high level. Only people like Beckham who has a high earning wife and other business interests really earn big time over their whole career. This IG nonsense is really damaging to gullible people like her who believe that this sort of thing really happens with the multi billionaire buying Lamborghinis and Italian villas. Even more hilarious that she wants them to  live in Nottingham.  I really don't know how you put up with her. 

She needs educating for sure as to how people on benefits really live.  Has she ever held a job down? As others have said I would be ashamed if my daughters behaved like that and I don't think anyone would blame you for being controlling over money if she goes out and spends just to get back at you for trying to keep to a budget. I thought you were going to be the one who would struggle not to spend but she is worse than you. I cannot understand why your PIL cannot see she is part of your problem. 

Onebrokelady

One last comment before I head off 
She is actually too old to bag a premium footballer anyway 😀😀

stymied

We need a cross between “Shop Well for Less”, “Eat Well for Less” and “Rich House Poor House” (yes I am a sucker for all these programs). Can you imagine the yellow and black tape blocking access to all the expensive clothes, make up and food leaving only bare bones budget stuff for a week! 

ladyholly

Not to mention having the budget that someone on minimum wage would have. Yes I am a sucker for them as well. 

alt80

Nothing planned for weekend yet now I know no rugby, asked wife and son for a list by tomorrow. Was looking forward to my weekend too haha. Will come up with something else. Stay on not overdoing the work, just keep to a little bit if I feel like it. Son is on half term too so thinking Friday going to take him out for a decent walk - not much else to do lockdown so a little bit lame maybe but he enjoys walking.

Got a few 0% purchase pre-approvals on the credit record site, so looks like it’s definitely a viable option for me to pay my balances off on time. Coming month is focused on getting rid of the o/d. In a good place with that currently as we’ve spent very little so far this month and only 10 days to go until the budget resets.

Getting into the habit of checking off spends against budget categories - no money left unaccounted for. Actually getting a bit of a buzz from it ha. It’s bizarre for first time in my life feel the personal finances need to work for me, same way I’ve always felt about property and business generally. Not got a stimulant type rush from it ha but a sort of weird satisfaction pulling myself from the chaos.

Day 28 so tomorrow will be into week 4 no substances (not 100% caffeine free admitted ha but nothing past 12pm). Feel better for it in many ways not being wired or getting the racing heart palpitations and not peeing every 45 minutes are big !!!!!! wins not gonna lie ha. Sleep not quite where I expected it to be tbt thought that would be better than it is but definitely seen some improvement. Actually generally enjoying the sober life, probably turned into a boring !!!!!! but at least I don’t feel like my heart is going to make it’s way through my rib cage. Definitely turned into a boring !!!!!! checking my budget everyday haha, no doubt ‘me’ a few months ago would def tell ‘me’ now to have a !!!!!! word with myself lol.

@Nicnak you’re 100% right re trust. Idk often think I’m just waiting for the inevitable- her finding someone else. Almost resigned myself to it tbh and if she does, she does. I can’t carry on as I was and in our case that means she can’t either - I can’t start screwing more money from my business to fund additional stuff for her or for myself for that matter. 

I don’t want to go down the prepaid route. She knows the score with the budget. I’m going to trust she won’t abuse the limit on the card and stick to the budget. She has a copy of the spreadsheet and has kept me in check often at the start but tbh that went by the wayside when she realised after getting her dad going through the whole !!!!!! lot that she was in no danger of losing the roof over her head. 

Yeah I don’t think I’m doing too badly in business tbh good level of profit, mortgages paid, no worries paying staff and a good income left for me. Something I’m quite proud of need something ha, plenty don’t get this far I know and whilst I’m not quite at the level I’d like, I’ll only be saying same if/ when I do get there. No one else to blame for the past few years but lots to look forward to working on growth but in a balanced and sustainable way with realistic targets both for me and for staff. I’ve put a lot into it over the years, even the mad ones. Wife knows 100% hearing from her that she thinks I’m !!!!!! at business hurts. 

@ryanm8655 and there’s me thinking you are her biggest fan and if she’s joined up to tinder you’re there right at this minute sliding straight into the DMs haha.

Don’t think I need to pack her bags, just waiting for the inevitable as I can’t change what I’ve seen re finances etc so I can’t carry on as I was. Just can’t do it anymore, she knows that. I think she’ll probably find someone at some point as I don’t think she wants to live like this. It’s !!!!!! breaking me tbh but so is the alternative. Just need to keep plodding on, get my head sorted, my debts sorted and work towards sustainable growth. No or little madness. Hope she comes round, work on things together.

Universal credit ha just looked that up she’d have £770/m + housing/ Council tax. Know well enough what LHA would get - nowhere she’d want to live can tell you that. After her essential insurance/ utilities etc and food, think she can forget a bottle of Moët and her Starbucks spends, might be able to save up for a 1:24scale G-Wagen over a few months though tbf FML - actually I might get her to have a go at planning a budget on that money ha hope she’ll see things could be a lot worse. Ha makes me feel !!!!!! rich mate lol.

@Legs21 / @Humdinger1 yeah she’s very much stuck age 20, forever young. Draining sometimes tbt. 

@rugbymadfamily/ @enthusiasticsaver/ @Onebrokelady Doesn’t surprise me re footballers post-retirement tbh.

She’s loved IG for a number of years tbh I’ve indulged it holidays etc mainly for her photos. Regret it tbf suppose I see it for what it is and I think it has been quite damaging for her.

She had a day job when I met her - admin assistant at a manufacturing company. Made no secret she wanted to quit, there for over a year in total and last few months were 3 days a week. Tells me it’s just not for her. Tbf she does do a lot around the house/ cars/ my comm office and has helped out with admin but no real sustained job in a workplace. 

You’re not the only one who laughed re her dream bloke must settle in Nottingham trust me and I’m married to her. Honestly believe that’s why her preference is me ‘stepping up’ lol. The majority of the local lads round here make me feel rich and she could go anywhere in the !!!!!! world if she !!!!!! me off, no business ties etc. Tell you 100% the poor guy would be buying his main res home about 1/2 mile from her parents too if she had the final say. Could probably predict it down to 2/3 streets if she 100% had her way on the res home haha. 

@stymied / @ladyholly never seen any of the programmes so don’t quite get the reference lol.