First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

I think OBL makes a good point about looking up what she'd get on benefits and showing her. That might make her realise how low benefits are. 

Hope you manage to sort it all out. I don't know how I'd stay calm in that situation. 

Onebrokelady

ladyholly said:

obl  I know what you mean. An hour later and I am still angry on alts behalf. 

Yep. I'm also angry on behalf of all the people currently trying to get by on very little money  due to job loss etc,I've lived on benefits and it's a drop in the ocean compared to the most of money this spoilt woman lives on 

RelievedSheff

Nicnak said:

I think OBL makes a good point about looking up what she'd get on benefits and showing her. That might make her realise how low benefits are. 

Hope you manage to sort it all out. I don't know how I'd stay calm in that situation. 

Me neither.

I would have packed a bag for her and sent her back to her parents. I would also have rung FIL to explain why. I expect he would be disgusted with her behaviour.

alt80

She says this type of stuff all the time lol. First time I’ve had the full conversation from start to end though. She’s !!!!!! devastated ended up with someone ‘!!!!!! at business’ and likes the idea of a footballer because ‘100% fit’ ha so yeah that works the other way too apparently lol.

I know how little people getting by on universal credit / LHA get and whilst I have my own moments of thinking !!!!!! can’t live on my income I do know it could be a whole lot worse so tbt I can’t take that seriously either ha. Her dad would be disgusted tbt all me though so far as he’s concerned ha. Wife and I always rubbed along ok but I have been ready to treat her first time I’m not now but can’t carry on going down that road need to get my finances sorted 100%. 

@RelievedSheff just to give you a laugh as I’m sure you’ll probably find this funny - think we share a bit of a warped sense of humour and looking back at it I’m laughing at myself lol but the times I’ve been stupidly confused about your approach - knew you must be good with numbers or you certainly better be... the world trusts you ha. One night I was up sniffing the stuff !!!!!! about with excel thinking 100 it’s me who’s got this wrong you’d have the numbers absolutely nailed, they trust you to make bridges stand up and I just about managed to persuade the RICS I knew how to use a tape measure and could work out what a tin shed is worth. Even sat working your !!!!!! debts out one night - try to understand the approach FML. Ever the !!!!!! trier even if I am a bit thick could apply it to mine and go back to ‘the clever people’ with my solution, get advice, apply it and pay off my debts win win haha. Wife was !!!!!! livid after finding out I’d been on the chang just to do all-nighters on the spreadsheets ha.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

RelievedSheff just to give you a laugh as I’m sure you’ll probably find this funny - think we share a bit of a warped sense of humour and looking back at it I’m laughing at myself lol but the times I’ve been stupidly confused about your approach - knew you must be good with numbers or you certainly better be... the world trusts you ha. One night I was up sniffing the stuff !!!!!! about with excel thinking 100 it’s me who’s got this wrong you’d have the numbers absolutely nailed, they trust you to make bridges stand up and I just about managed to persuade the RICS I knew how to use a tape measure and could work out what a tin shed is worth. Even sat working your !!!!!! debts out one night - try to understand the approach FML. Ever the !!!!!! trier even if I am a bit thick could apply it to mine and go back to ‘the clever people’ with my solution, get advice, apply it and pay off my debts win win haha. Wife was !!!!!! livid after finding out I’d been on the chang just to do all-nighters on the spreadsheets ha.

 

No spreadsheet in the world could come up with the solution we have to our debt repayments

There are worse things than spreadsheets you could have been doing on an all-nighter!!!

Willowtree222

She's devastated? She should see some of the people others end up with. Are you still considering giving up some of your allowance to give to her? I suspect she will buy the earphones herself. 
I half think that she is wanting you to go back on the chang so she has an excuse to spend. I know that sounds harsh but the things she says are pushing your anxiety buttons and she knows it. Why would she deliberately do it to hurt you continuously?

Anyway, hope you are able to sort through it and it was just her in an angry mood. 

Mrs_F_2017

Wow I didn't think I could be more shocked after the behaviour on Valentine's Day but saying that is shocking. 

@alt80 I hope you are feeling OK and not rising to her behaviour.  You can't help her if she doesn't want to change but you can help yourself but not rising to her behaviour. 

KxMx

I do hope you see now how much of your own feelings of not being enough are fuelled by her totally unrealistic expectations. 
Not saying you are perfect (who is, not me certainly!) but I think your wife is a huge part of the issue here.
I doubt even this mythical footballer would make her happy! 

Four_Seasons

Where is the blood pressure monitor!!  Show her the news with folk queuing at food banks through no fault of their own - its heart breaking! I agree with Relieved Sheff pack her a bag and send her to her parents although I am not sure they would want her!

alt80

Thanks all. Yeah some of the stuff she says doesn't help my sense of self worth ha. Not going to pretend I'm some saint and know I haven't been great in the husband stakes over the years so it is probably 100 deserved but not great to hear especially re business which she 100% knows means a lot to me. Tbh @Nicnak I know what you mean not gonna lie it's crossed my mind think she's half waiting for me back on it don't think she wants me on it just thinks I'll not stay away, she's said I touch that stuff again can forget her sticking to any budget and she'll leave after lockdown. Get why there's no trust though tbh that's 100% my fault don't always trust myself to keep away either tbh.

@Onebrokelady / @enthusiasticsaver good to see other approaches re debts. Tbh the wife messes about and it causes overspends to be creeping in, she'll be on the pre-pay / current account or whatever. Just going to have to do it, know it's controlling and not right really but I can't keep on the perpetual cycle of personal debt for stupid lifestyle stuff. 100 realise carry on down the road I've been on for past few years, one day there won't be more available credit. Feel I should trust her word - she has said she won't spend beyond the budget and as I said if I don't now I never will and that's no good going forwards. 

Agreed re the need to be disciplined and stick with the budget. Genuinely think I'm in that mindset now and if I don't trust myself now, I'm not going to - no good for me to not be able to trust my decision re finance. Appreciate I lost control, didn't have a great deal to begin with but completely lost it for a few years mentally/ financially/ control over substance use too. Acknowledge I let that creep into business - massive wake up the day I realised that possibly first time I stopped justifying it on any level and knew 100% it needed to stop. Might not be amazing in business probably won't get to where wife wants me to be but I've got something good there imo and def want to keep it that way.

@RelievedSheff yeah sorry but it makes zero sense to me mate lol. No amount of coke fuelled all nighters could make it add up for me FML. Thing is you seem at peace with it and that's what matters 100%.