First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@RelievedSheff thanks mate. Yeah definitely in a more clear headspace. Will be nice to see the debts !!!!!! off, ready for moving on 100% - live within my means from now on rather than anticipating growth to support my lifestyle. Keep putting the retained into further growth/ units will get there all being well and if not will have given it my best shot rather than going down the self destructive road.

theoretica

Just a warning for the future that I rather doubt you will be able to keep your son without him managing some money until 13/14 - chances seem good to me there will be quite a lot of school things, or trips with friends, where there will be an assumption he has pocket money, initially on a per trip/per event basis, but what happens if he doesn't spend his whole budget that day?  So long as the spending he controls is balanced by a reduction in your and your wife's spending on small stuff for him (yes I do see the problem) it should turn out neutral on your budget.  Some families introduce ways for children his age to 'earn' money.  Perhaps a starting point would be to introduce the topic of how and when he is going to learn money management with your wife and see if she realises how hard it will be while he is bought everything.  Some of my fellow students had clearly not learnt money management by the time they went to University - it was not good!

ladyholly

Your son needs to learn about money now not when he is a teenager.  Like I said a week or two ago when you have a day out give him a small amount to pay for whatever he wants and then when it's gone that's it. Tantrums lead to a short day and a return home. He is learning from your wife that tantrums work. They shouldn't with either of them. 

alt80

@theoretica / @ladyholly good points tbf. I probably do need to start thinking about it and I did like the budget for him to buy stuff will probably cost me less than letting wife buy him stuff. Thanks both. Admit I have massively neglected being a dad until very recently. Don’t want him growing up to be expecting me paying his way tbh want him to be able to stand on his own two feet so def something for me to think about. 

alt80

Had a chance to have a look at the budget spreadsheet- can make it balance by splitting the ‘food’ category into ‘food’/ ‘alcohol’ and ‘coffee out’ and cutting ‘entertainment’ which is basically just eating out etc and not being used at all for the moment to £250/m - £400/m food / £50/m alcohol / £50/m coffee out. Alcohol I think is realistic - I don’t want to get into the habit of drinking again so £50/m for the odd bottle of wine etc is OK wife only tends to drink when I do. Coffee out going to be a bit more of a challenge but I think £50/m is reasonable and can stick to it (for unexpensed coffees). 

Entertainment - this is currently £300. I have budgeted a further £1k/a for family days and £2k/a for occasions so cutting ‘entertainment’ to £250 again seems reasonable. 

Recent spends obviously been much less than the amounts allocated. Tbh carry on as we have done for this lockdown I’ll have the o/d cleared. Considered putting in a separate account but tbt better coming off the debt and if we spend on holidays/ days out/ whatever, just put it on a 0% card. Debt levels will yo-yo somewhat working this way but with an overall downwards trend and will allow me to meet my 0% dates without arranging new BTs - makes sense in my head ha. I don’t have a problem with using credit cards but realise it needs to be budgeted for - 100 stick to this and I can see a way forwards for me and the cards eventually coming down to nothing. Moves from there to make inroads into the RR balloon 100%. Working to the budget is brilliant for me, have a target to work to. Never thought I’d become disciplined with this but 100 think it’s the way forward and can actually see a day I’m not juggling debt all the time in my personal life. Wished I’d bothered with the numbers a long time ago 100 be in a better position know that much.

Sun_Addict

I think we all wish we’d had our light bulb moments years before we did. You’re doing something about it now and that’s what counts. You’re doing really well with the budgeting and not drinking etc, obviously you’ve got a lot more willpower than you give yourself credit for. 

stymied

There’s no harm in giving your wife something from your categories if you’d like to towards the very end of the year but not in February - that will just set you up for finding adjustment after adjustment to accommodate her not being willing to budget. Hold out for as long as you can.

“Had another snarky comment about she could have any bloke she wanted. Yeah she probably could do better, never even thought otherwise just not great to be told ha.”

You’re a stronger person than me not to have bitten back by now and started a row / massive upset! So many possible cutting rejoinders to this particular piece of nastiness.

“Wife has her own account I won’t be able to update the spreadsheet unless she goes through what she’s spent and itemises it 100% she won’t do that - will tell me I’m being controlling and ensure every !!!!!! penny of her budget gets spent rather than giving some back for the debt payments.”

That’s right, this would be accounted for as “wife’s personal spends” and should not be categorised further nor even enquired after. If it’s budgeted and already massively cut down from what was previously being spent then 100% she should be spending and enjoying every penny of the money. That’s the point of the budget. Not sure if it would be better to transfer her personal money monthly or quarterly though. I wouldn’t worry about other pots if you’re happy with how you’re budgeting otherwise.

“She hardly uses headphones that’s what annoyed me re those but got it in her head she ‘needs’ these ‘for the plane’. 100% I don’t get them for her, she’ll ask her mum and dad for them for her birthday switch on the waterworks how hard done by she is haha.”

Excellent - problem solved. I think FIL has had his eyes opened recently to his DDs behaviour but if he wants to spend his & MILs money on unneeded tech then that’s his choice and leaves your budget intact to buy cheaper items from your wife’s wish list especially as she will be expecting multiple parcels to unwrap on her birthday.

alt80

Bit of a brain dump ha sat in front of TV and can’t concentrate so if this makes any sense to anyone but me idk but I’m not drunk lol.

O/D will be clear March. So basing this from March. 

Variable spends/ funds for planned expenditure and current card repayments = £3160/m

BMW = £590/m

M&S and BC - 0% due Jul 21 balances end of March are £7,255 total. This means I need to make payments of £1810 to clear by the time the 0% ends. 

Sainsburys- 0% due Jan 22 with balance at end of March of £6,250. Payment needs to be £625/m.

MBNA - let this clear organically got until Oct 22 to shift £10,750 (March figures) so end of March I’ll up the payment to £565/m which will see that cleared at the point the 0% runs out. 

April (26th March) to July payments = £3k to existing cards.

August to January 22 = £1,190 to exisiting cards.

February 22 - October 22 = £565 to existing cards. 

Range Rover balloon I need to find £48.5k by April 24.

BMW is going back and a car through the company is coming in it’s replacement. All being well will deal with April. Parking the idea of a third car until the RR is fully paid for. Parking res home move for 4 years see how I feel then and where finances are as I’ll be coming to the end of my mortgage fix. Put the date in my reminders - discuss moving house. Look at it then stopped actively looking for res home purchases. 

As I’m needing to ‘borrow’ from my budget to meet the deadlines I’m fairly certain I’m going down the 0% purchase credit route to buy time. 100% aware that if I go mental on the spending it just adds to my debt and time to pay off. Only cheating myself. 100% determined to not let the banks win on interest / fees again so I stick to the budget, keep tracking the spends now that’s going against categories rather than going into ‘red / amber / green’ spends ha. Love the idea of getting to the point of no misc/ unexplained spends tbh does definitely appeal to my obsessive side just a little haha. Weirdly excited by getting to that stage it’s all planned out.

Wife - she’s not spent herself. I don’t entirely trust she won’t spend when things start opening though. Practically begged her to keep to this - told her not just for me and she has a level of spending which is manageable however needs to be relayed back to me so I can strike it against the budget. She’s agreed to this though not sure if she’s just nod her head to shut me up ha. Tbt I think the gifts thing has annoyed her more than having a spends budget she loves receiving gifts lol. It’s weird I get massive anxiety around any occasions since been working to a budget because she’ll tell me not to worry but as the occasion happens she’s disappointed and I’m anticipating that so the panic gets worse. I’ve had panic attacks (no exaggeration) over this stuff and know that’s the trigger as occasions approach. Can’t go on like that and have told her it’s affecting my mental health. Yeah she’s thinks it’s pathetic, told me so and I suppose it is but I don’t deal with the triggers it becomes self destructive. 100 I’d be in a better position had I addressed my mental and mindset issues before now but it is what it is. Just need to keep going in this direction working on improvement. 

Told her if she wants to earn extra it’s up to her. Going to leave that to her to sort but will support her if she decides she wants to but cannot spend anymore than the budget amounts from our main spends. I’ve been honest with her told her I’m seriously considering not using my budgeted amounts so I can get her a few treats and hopefully bring the overall debt down but it’s not going on AirPods Max when she’s got headphones she doesn’t really use or on makeup when she’s got tonnes she’s not got to using - fed up of the waste and agree with those on here it’s not good for son to see us wasting money/ resources/ products as we have been doing. If that results in her looking for someone else as she keeps threatening, that’s her choice I know. Not to say I want that because it’s the last thing I want tbt I want to be a family unit but if she finds someone else/ chooses to look for someone else post lockdown she can with my blessing. I’ve told her this but chooses to stay the threats need to end it’s not helping me or us as a family unit to move forwards.

Realised there isn’t a right and wrong. Some on here ok with the interest baring debt and they save at the same time. Not for me, net position is worse overall - I’d rather not be stung for the interest this is where the Emergency Funds etc didn’t make sense to me - what’s the point in having cash when you’d got interest baring debts or looming deadlines you can’t meet unless the amount you can make from the cash outweighs the cost of borrowing. An emergency comes up can use interest free debt to fund that imo and have paid the interest baring/ things that have looming deadlines. So long as the interest free debt is paid on time I don’t see the issue? If I’ve got this grossly wrong someone enlighten me please? Realise mine is 0% but got deadlines to meet or it becomes interest baring / cost to transfer.

I realise some on here seem to have a massive issue with using interest free debt I’m confused as to why if it is properly accounted for and not being used to fund a lifestyle beyond your means? This is were I’ve become quite confused tbt. Personally I was struggling with the idea of money building in accounts when interest free periods where running out at the same time. I appreciate this needs discipline but I’ve learned the hard way before of what not sticking to a budget leads to when I wound up refinancing my property to pay for my lifestyle. No bigger kick up the !!!!!! that that now I’ve woken up to how I was living my life can tell you that. That’s on my mind currently as I’m starting to going through the refinancing process again for the portfolio. Should be able to hit 75LTV all being well which will help the retained and in turn help growth. Did get offered a small 5 single unit BTL portfolio passed it onto my JV mate who’s having a go. Can’t go for it personally but it’s decent enough and will be managing it so very easy win there. Realised I need to stop getting stressed about growth of portfolio, pull the trigger when things right for me on the right opportunities and not be desperate about it. Some I’ll win, some I won’t either wrong opportunity or wrong time. Just putting myself at risk making mental decisions fuelled by destructive thoughts. Writing this diary has 100% made me reflect on how I approach things in business too actually. Just taking the step back when needed - I used to do that before the self destructive stuff took over and it was mental 100% destructive mindset letting that rule over reason. Looking up all the time, seeing people bigger than me. Feeling they were winning because they had more or bigger numbers nothing else. Obsessing about the numbers. Tbt I became addicted to wanting to make it in business, felt things weren’t going as quickly as I’d like and hid behind gearing to levels I shouldn’t have both in business and personally. 

Genuinely think I was heading towards disaster I knew that, some of the reasons the stress/ anxiety were so high and my casual use of substances tipped into periods of fairly heavy abuse. Writing this diary made me take the step back I needed. Accountability from strangers worked 100 for me can tell you that ha just hearing different view points been brilliant thank you. Appreciate a lot on here won’t like my methods or like me ha but tbh I need to run with doing what’s right for me. I have crunched the numbers until I’ve been unable to sleep for days on end that needs to stop, need to just start running with it now I think check/ adjust etc. 100% I’m serious about sorting my head out, getting out of debt and moving on from a frankly awful few years mentally. 

Willowtree222

Your post sounds like you have a clear head and not read it and thought you were drunk.
It shows your thought process and although people might not agree with it, you have a way that works and can see how you can manage it. It's not for some of us personally, but that doesn't mean it isn't for you. 

Your wife is who she is. I don't actually think she wants to leave and your reaction to this now will hopefully make her see how serious you are about it. I didn't think you would ever say to her that she can find someone else and I don't think she would have either. I know it isn't what you want but that might help her to see that she can no longer control you through throwing that at you. You have kept off the drugs and your side of the bargain and here's crossing everything that she does stick to hers. 

You seem a lot calmer and more at peace with where you are house, business and budget wise. Considering where you were at the beginning and even a few weeks ago, you have really started to shift on your mindset.

Keep going. The amount of change from you is really showing and you are making progress even when it doesn't feel like it. x

katsu

The issue with interest free debt is the need to pay it off eventually; borrowing from your future self.   The risk of using a purchase card is the risk of extra spending. When you spend money in a bank account, it is more obviously finite and runs out. When you are using a card it can be harder for someone like your wife to see why the spending line is drawn at £X and it can be maybe harder to accept and stick to £X.  It seems like there's an element of your wife not really accepting that money is finite. So maybe if you and your son and her have some personal cash in accounts and when it's gone, it's gone until next month, that might be easier?  Might be something to look at by the time the country opened up again?  

You are doing really well in working out a plan and I hope your wife can come to a happier and more committed state of mind. It must be quite a strain not having the mutual commitment to the relationship.  

Your diary is such a delight.