First Steps to Solvency

Legs21

It’s really good to hear that you all had a good time today and even better that the cost was £0. Planning the weekend in advance may be the way forward and any spends required can be budgeted for. Maybe have a ‘family meeting’ mid week to discuss the plan for the weekend so you all get an input on what you want to do. Any entrance fees etc can be pre booked online. Get your son an A5 book and make sure you take a selfie of the 3 of you on your day out, print it off, stick it in the book and get him to write down what you all did and what he enjoyed the most from the day. I can guarantee you he’ll write about the time you spent together and the fun you had, and never about the cost of anything or how much money was or wasn’t spent. 

RelievedSheff

Legs21 said:

It’s really good to hear that you all had a good time today and even better that the cost was £0. Planning the weekend in advance may be the way forward and any spends required can be budgeted for. Maybe have a ‘family meeting’ mid week to discuss the plan for the weekend so you all get an input on what you want to do. Any entrance fees etc can be pre booked online. Get your son an A5 book and make sure you take a selfie of the 3 of you on your day out, print it off, stick it in the book and get him to write down what you all did and what he enjoyed the most from the day. I can guarantee you he’ll write about the time you spent together and the fun you had, and never about the cost of anything or how much money was or wasn’t spent. 

I think that is a brilliant idea.

RelievedSheff

@alt80 sounds like you had a lovely day. 

As you can make nice coffee at home, why don't you make a flask before you head out on days out? You can enjoy a cup sat on the RR tailgate. A free hot drink and probably better than the chain coffee's anyway. You will probably enjoy it more.

You certainly are not rotten to the core. You clearly care deeply for your family or you would not be making the sacrifices that you are to get where you want to be. 

Keep at it. Things will get better. You have made huge changes already and if you look back to where you started at the beginning of this diary to where you are now you will see that. You are doing great.

getmore4less

Glad you had a good day.

Would not normally recommend this but on the budget I think you need to keep your share of things in the planning then any compromises to get balance are shared.
You can choose to spend less later but don't lose them from the plan makes it too easy for the wife and you need them there longer term.
There is still a bit of work to do, just a couple of £100  to find, also spending for when things open up is now in the plan which is a major step forward.

That call is a good sign but remember as JV mate is not a positive influence for you, you will have been the same for others.

stymied

What you did for Valentines was perfect. Anything else would have been excessive. What would you have bought anyway - another bag or purse that she doesn’t really need or want or more tech to replace perfectly good tech that she already has? Your time was the perfect gift. Stop beating yourself up.

enthusiasticsaver

I would agree with others that you are not "rotten to the core" and you seem to be really straightening yourself out not only from getting clean from drugs, alcohol and caffeinated coffee (right saint you are turning into LOL) but also cutting back on the spending.  I think you should keep your share of the variable spends even if they end up going on debt overpayments if that is what you want to do. Everyone needs the odd treat now and then and the swing between all or nothing is what seems to unbalance you most.  Moderation is the key word.  I agree with @Onebrokelady just take it one day at a time and realise when lockdown ends and how things open up again is outside your control so try to put it at the back of your mind.  If you really wanted to you could spend now anyway and you aren't so just because shops open does not mean you are suddenly going to go mad. 

Well done on your NSD yesterday. Good that already converted ex mates are giving you advice. I also think you are right that the BMW needs to go.  Not sure you need a Mercedes in its place so make sure you are realistic about the figures especially the BIK and that it does not put a strain on the business figures but ultimately your call. Taking on a commitment like a car on finance for several years is a big thing so give it the same attention you would a new unit. Hope you have a nice day today and your wife has got over her paddy about you not giving her a gift.  I gave my DH a hug and kiss today for Valentines so mine was cheaper than yours 

kayannie

I think Legs21 made a good suggestion regarding your son having a book to write about his days out. When my children were  young we had a small camper van & tried to get away most weekends, not always going very far & sometimes just for a day out. I bought a scrapbook & the children turned it into a diary. They would write about where they'd been, what they saw, what we ate etc. They would buy a postcard & stick it in the book & if we'd been able to afford a trip to a castle, a museum or maybe a zoo, the entrance tickets got stuck in too. Except for the cost of the fuel, it didn't cost us much. If staying overnight, we wild camped & I took food with us. Most of our time was spent walking.  We all have happy memories of those days over 40 years ago, spending precious time together as a family.

BalanceBy50

I hope you have had a great day. Have to report that that the white chocolate snickers are amazing - we had one each after breakfast 😂

alt80

Another day away from the spending. Not sure it’s the first time but somehow managed to get through the whole weekend with no money spent ha. 

Valentine’s meal went down well rest didn’t ha. Wife gone to bed a bit sulky there was no surprise present though lol. She kind of expected some AirPods Max - £549 so more than her presents budget for the year surprised when I told her it’s not on the budget don’t think she’s very pleased tbt - my debts getting in the way of her being treated. I am considering buying them for her birthday and !!!!!! my occasions budget, she can have £1k for the year and I won’t bother. Got the anxiety over drinking at the dining table so I didn’t bother, she decided not to have a drink either so now got the guilt of her choosing not to when she clearly fancied a drink. 26 days now. Not sure why, I’ve just convinced myself I want to do a full month alcohol free and didn’t feel right to have a drink wouldn’t have minded if she had. Definitely some paranoia I’m going to have a drink and next thing I know I’ll be going to the next level probably won’t just having a drink at home with wife I know but do want to make sure I keep away and have best chance possible right now. Not even sure what’s different but really want to keep off the stuff. Times I could give in definitely but engaging with the counselling/ CBT etc think it’ll be good for me in the long run and in the long run also know nothing good comes of cocaine. Possibly helping I’ve been doing a lot of reading about what it actually does and that’s massively put me off - always turned a blind eye to that in the past and reading about it has triggered a bit of health anxiety but better that than the alternative imo.

@Onebrokelady Ha not sure everyone likes my advice on here. Always tried to do the right thing re tenants - said before the day I forget those guys pay my mortgage is the day I sell up. No push over but 100 I do what I can to be fair/ reasonable there and with staff also.

Yeah I’m finding it hard to move on. I know where you’re coming from easier to go back than make the right choices moving forwards. 100%. 

Definitely panicking I will say !!!!!! it and fall back into old habits when lockdown over. I’m 100% dreading it. Definitely want to get the budget sorted for it though - give myself best chance possible and have been thinking the same re targets but need to not get too angry about the wife not seeing it that way - she wants me to pay the debts off 100% but just doesn’t want it affecting her which it does tbh the budget allows for nothing close to what she used to having. Aware I’m potentially going to have to cross that bridge when it comes and try to do right thing, not go down the !!!!!! it road. 

@maddiemay thank you. I am trying with the negative thoughts through the professional help but it just doesn’t work very often for me - thing I’m finding the hardest and know if anything will drive me back to the old ways, it’ll be the depression/ negative thinking/ regrets that’s going on in my head.

@Legs21 Thank you! I love the idea for son - he’d love that. Always take photos of my wife/ son and dog together if we do go out as a family. Will help him practise his writing too thanks. 

@RelievedSheff honestly really don’t fancy drinking hours old coffee that’s been sat in a flask lol - can’t see it tasting right tbh? Could be wrong idk. 

Thanks. Hard to see sometimes and tbt I don’t think I’m a good person, never have been probably not helped with self destructive behaviour ha. I do care about my family one of my main reasons for wanting to sort my head out - I never spent time with my son and don’t want to effectively be an absent father realised that lockdown 1. 

@getmore4less Thanks mate. 

Planning to have another look at the budget tomorrow evening - tbh mate I think I need to get the post lockdown life accounted for will give me best hope of actually sticking to it I think. Have the plan, keep the habit of tracking the spends and check against the overall targets. 

I don’t really want to have anything for myself - got the Range Rover which let’s face it is a massive reason my budget is what it is until I own it outright. I really don’t need to buy anything for myself and tbt don’t really want the temptation - paranoid I buy something to the tune of £1k for myself, the week after I’ll be out on some massive spending binge basically same as deciding I’m going to go on one big night potential for using the stuff again on a regular basis goes up. Probably need to account something though idk.

Agreed re not having been a good influence to others, I’ve lost a lot of good people from my life over the years. Feel like !!!!!! about myself knowing exactly what I’ve been like - off the stuff opens the eyes 100%. 

@stymied thanks but yeah wife doesn’t see it like that ha. She enjoyed her meal but not enough idk I can’t carry on getting into debt or not making inroads into paying it off for some of this stuff she wants but I do wonder if she’s just going to say enough is enough at some point without the toys tbh. Had another snarky comment about she could have any bloke she wanted. Yeah she probably could do better, never even thought otherwise just not great to be told ha.

@enthusiasticsaver Haha don’t know about becoming a saint lol, but does seem that way right now FML. Tbh don’t know how I’m going to be able to treat myself (not that I need it) and keep the wife happy - probably impossible on my budget lol.

Only way I can deal with it one day at a time, just hope I don’t fall off the wagon.

Yeah I know I’m going to have to face another car going at some point and something not so good coming in its place. Like the look of the C coupe 100% but can’t get the one with the proper engine. The C300 isn’t that quick fair bit slower than my 440i. Wife said why don’t we get the estate version FML at least the coupe looks the part ha. 

Lol I got nothing off the wife, never have for valentine’s ha. Day for me to treat her and I’ve not delivered again.

@kayannie thank you, I’d like to do something similar with my son but you can keep the camper van ha. I really hope if I can sort my head out, put family first, he’ll have some good childhood memories to look back on when he’s older too.

@BalanceBy50 ha not sure about one after breakfast lol. I’ll have to see if any shops around here stock them I am intrigued to try one now.

theoretica

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff honestly really don’t fancy drinking hours old coffee that’s been sat in a flask lol - can’t see it tasting right tbh? Could be wrong idk.

So do the experiment and try it - or if you don't have a flask try the allied taste of letting black coffee go cold and zapping it in the microwave.  I definitely dislike it for drinks with milk in, but find it OK so long as I add any milk just before drinking.