First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@theoretica that’s what I thought it would be like ha memories of my dad letting his tea/ coffee go cold and zapping it lol. Tbf never done it to a black coffee but pretty revolting with milk.

theoretica

Yes - much better without milk!

katsu

I like coffee and find it tastes OK from a flask when out and you are cold. 

Whether your wife could have attracted a footballer or Santa Claus is irrelevant. Whether she'd retain either based on some of her current behaviour is also irrelevant. Some of the things your wife is doing aren't nice. It seems rather hypocritical to expect a gift and not even have a card for you. Hopefully in time your wife will adjust her thinking. Maybe ask her how she thought your both should pay for something like the headphones. What should you reduce as you can only spend each pound once?

dawnybabes

The last time I checked valentines was fir both people.  I’m furious on your behalf that she’s not got you a card.  And to expect a present, what planet is she actually on? 

The comments about how she could have had anyone I think she should think herself lucky, most of the footballers wife’s have careers too.

tjp70

@alt80 how long are you going to let your wife punish you for your past behaviour? 

RelievedSheff

@alt80 I must admit I am not surprised by your wifes behaviour yesterday and had already predicted that would happen.

Perhaps today you should sit her down and explain again the situation with your finances. Sit down armed with the figures on paper and explain that if an expensive gift is bought then that money has to come from one of the other budgets, something has to give.

I know it may feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall sometimes trying to explain this time and again, but really it is the only way that she is going to take it in.

As said above. Don't let your wife punish you. You are both in this together.

ladyholly

To be honest you have explained to your wife over and over what the budget allows and even  when you have paid off your debts you cannot go back to her having everything she wants or you will be in debt again. She is having a strop because she cant have what she wants and behaving like a teenager. My advice, for what it is worth, is to ignore it and dont let her guilt trip you.into doing something. If she couldnt even be bothered to order a card on your supermarket shop why should you get her anything. She does seem to have the attitude that what I want I get so beware she may just go ahead and order what she wants on line.

Bargainhunter30

Agree above, dont buy her what she wants because it will then suggest that if she carries on with this child like behaviour she will get what she wants everytime. And you dont have the money for that. This is the key that everyone has been trying to get across, you only have a certain amount of money and what you have spent in the past (on drugs, car, handbags, clothes, whatever, it really doesn't matter, the past is the past) has been too much. IE your income hasn't covered your spends. She cant has the same things as before because you cant afford them ALL. She has to make choices, either choose cheaper things, spend less, or earn more (not you, this is her responsibility too if she wants to spend the same). She needs to understand basic life and economic principles and I dont think your responses are helping. By spoiling her previously to make up for past behaviours and now tip toeing around her, you are not doing any of you any favours. She needs to grow up and you need to grow a pair and tell her how it is now. Forget about the past. If she wants to leave then so be it. In my view her only option is Daddy not footballers and she will soon learn this if you stop spoon feeding her.

alt80

I’d do a happy Monday post but already had one staff call in sick 99% hungover ha. Do have a different attitude to this when I’m sober must admit less willing to suffer fools gladly lol. Fee earner too FML good at his job but drinks heavily not that long split from his Mrs so been a bit unreliable tbh.

Wife knows the score re budget etc just struggles to accept it - I get that, my debts, not hers. Probably would !!!!!! me off the other way if she had debts and was affecting my life. Yeah wouldn’t surprise me if she orders them at some point unless I do for her birthday. She wants them ‘for the plane’ haha FML if we go away this year only going to be to visit my parents not going to be on planes constantly if Boris decides we can and she’s got the small AirPods Pro anyway lol. 

ladyholly

The debts are not all yours, she has also contributed to them with her beauty treatments, clothes, gadgets etc. I still think as someone suggested a while ago that it might be looking to see how much she has spent of stuff in the last couple of years (2 years because the last one is hardly normal). Yes I know it will be difficult and time consuming but it may show her you are not entirely responsible. ( I would also do it for your son as well as you say she spoils him which showed over Christmas). The difference between you is that you work she is a stay at home mum except for cleaning you office (do you pay her for that if not you should at the current cleaning rate for your area and then that is her money to do with as she pleases). Self respect thing might give her a little boost.