First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

I suspect we all find supermarkets stressful but go anyway. Despite being older I have continued to shop in store during the pandemic because I know a lot of people who really needed those delivery slots were having trouble getting them so if I took them there were even fewer for them. There is also the fact I would rather choose my own meat and fresh fruit and veg rather than leave it to someone else. Unfortunately I really only have supermarkets near me so dont have a huge choice as I am not allowed to drive anymore. No I am not banned except by my consultant.

strawb_shortcake

If she cleans your commercial office, does she get paid from the business for that? That could be a small amount a month to offset her spends taking some of the pressure off you assuming it's not already working like that?

stymied

@stymied lockdown. Just prior to it she’d binned a couple found it too much to cope. Now she’s had lockdown again really isn’t sure about doing it again. Her decision ultimately tbh think it was good for her not just for finances but not my place to say.

There’s some kind of anxiety going on there, I would encourage as strongly as you can at least for the 2 girls she’s been doing for a while just to help her get back out there. It kind of is your place as her husband - you could both really do with her having at least one more go at it both for finances and mental health even if she keeps all the money to add to her bit of the budget / get you a small gift once in a while.

getmore4less

We shop for discount food which you can't do on line.

Used to be every day nip in at discount time when nearby anyway.

Since lockdown we have cut right back might be 2-3 times a week mixed stores.

One of our walks has a small Asda, the main shops is Waitrose with a m&s backup.
Nearly always picking up stuff cheap.
The staples are bought bulk from wherever is cheap Morrisons and Tesco tend to have those, maybe 1-2 a month.

They are really quiet these days early evening when the yellow sticker machines come out.

There is easy saving with a bit of shopping smart.

How is the waste management going?

£75pm on misc coffee, separate that out with other out of house misc spendings not attached to other activities (days out occasion, weekend...)

Alcohol needs it own category.

You can't nail the food/households while you have these other things cluttering up that category.

Any personal stuff sneaking in beyond household basics like cleaners, toilet rolls etc.
...........
You are close to being able to ring fence the wife's spending in its own super category as she has agreed to her spendings separate from house, yours and son.

If she goes over in any one category  it comes from her total not taken from any other super category.

I know you don't want to but what is the current contractual min payments?

Could you cover the £200 shortfall with £100 off food and £100 off mins.

You need to get this to balance.

RelievedSheff

I hope you enjoy your family weekend. 

Long walk isn't it today?

enthusiasticsaver

Having agreed a budget for your wife and yourself I would suggest a personal account each for things like clothing, beauty for her and clothing, hair for you then she has to keep on budget and you have to do the same. We do that and mine has built up as I can't do theatre trips with friends or lunches out etc which is what it often gets spent on but DH spends his on hobbies. So you both have an allowance and seems less like you giving her housekeeping which should really be a joint expense. Similar to the prepaid card but gives her an element of control particularly if you agree any income she makes on nails etc can go in hers. 

rugbymadfamily

Hope you all enjoy the rugby today (and that its a better game than next week!). Enjoy the time to relax with him

alt80

Spent £0! Really pleased with that, didn’t stop for Costa on way back home from walk in the end, wanted to get back home. Just a bit too cold haha so decided keep the gloves on and wallet in my pocket just had coffee at home instead. A while back wife went on a barista course locally and taught me so we do have decent coffee at home tbh better than chain coffee places really. Both of us massive coffee lovers actually wish I’d gone with her on the course lol only a day but decided I couldn’t spare the day at the time. Keeping to the decaf after lunch still. Wife has been of the decaf too after laughing at me for about a week solid, she reckons it’s better for her now too. Nothing to drink / anything else so 25 days on that front. Longest I’ve been off it for a good while. 

Had good morning/ afternoon tbh, England absolutely smashed it. Son loved it made his day bit too much on the pizza / snacks watching the rugby though ha. Will have a look at the finances properly on Monday evening, agreed I need to get it sorted and plan we can stick with, will definitely know what’s left over for the debts then. More or less made our minds up the BMW will be going so that will help the figures. Min payments are down to c.£650/m I think, will clarify Monday but definitely not the road I wish to be taking. Definitely planning to cut my categories don’t need stuff for birthdays/ Christmas, didn’t this year can cope without and can def cut the clothing/ misc category for me too. 

Heard from someone I’ve not seen in quite a long time through wife’s IG lol, messaged me saying cutting out the lifestyle stuff is hard at first but reckons he’s never been happier for doing it himself (doesn’t know anything about the debt but probably put two and two together - know he’s had financial issues in the past). Lost touch with him a while ago when he quit the coke and I kept trying to get him to meet up. I suggested we ought to have a family day out at the football once this is all over bring his kids and Mrs, told me he just wanted to say I should carry on being more modest with my lifestyle, that was all, no desire to be pals ha. Know I need to deal with the negative thoughts- leads to spending and other self destructive stuff 100%. Also not being able to spend time with family- spend time together and as soon as I get a moment to think, I am so ashamed of myself and how I’ve been for years. Idk need to do something can’t carry on like this, don’t want to go back to where I was though. Know I’m rotten to the core ha so no idea re moving on there. Was in a really bad way though. Now just ashamed I put my wife through having to deal with me and not managed to get her a better valentines gift. Needs something for sticking with me 100% lol. Didn’t ever think trying to sort myself out would be this painful probably 100 deserved tbh though. Know I need to sort the money side out too and actually don’t think I’m doing too badly with that. Starting to realise the !!!!!! ups made over the years through just not accepting I needed to sort my head out. Real issues come post lockdown though I think, I’m still overthinking that 100% any news about restrictions being lifted is definitely contributing towards the stress, genuinely concerned about everything opening up again going back to spending and other self destructive stuff. Boris will do it, if not this year probably next, even had thoughts about not having vaccine if they say you can only do stuff if you’ve had it when I really wanted it previously. I will have it when I can for work and so wife can see her mum and dad but just hope restrictions ending won’t see me going mad again. Just need to keep plodding on, get my head sorted and not dive into the self destructive stuff know that much but easier said than done I think. 

Onebrokelady

I see you on others diaries offering advice and support. You also sound like a good fair landlord, you have done so well so far this year to turn things around. I think you need to give yourself a pat on the back for what you have managed to do so far and please stop beating yourself up for things you can't change. You are changing things now for your family so you are not rotten to the core,if you were you would be saying f*** it and carrying on with your old ways. Maybe read your own dairy from the begging to see how much you have changed
As for lockdown ending you can only try to carry on one day at a time to carry on doing what you are doing. You are at least now aware of your weaknesses so can preempt any spending madness, this is where a solid budget comes into its own so you can still have a life while clearing the debt. Maybe make it a challenge so you have targets to beat each month 

maddiemay

@Onebrokelady has completely nailed what I was thinking after just reading your most recent post.  One day at a time, baby steps etc.  Just keep on as you are and also practice parking some of these negative thoughts for a short while at a time for the moment.