First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

I think you need to stick to one normalisation for this exercise

you are starting with rest of year spends(£10k) then converting them to a single per month number then comparing that to other monthly spends and loosing the detail.

Normalise on a year for everything so you can prioritise on the same basis.

That £10k(~10%) has a lot to cover and it won't go far, something has to give elsewhere.

I still think too much is sneaking into that food £650.

edit

I forgot you also have £3,600  in that discretionary  pot from the £300pm entertainment 

alt80

Re house: my mortgage is £1240/m. Rest is: council tax £250/m x12, utilities/ insurance £320/m so £1810/m x12 to run the house. Broken down further on my spreadsheet and have made sure everything that can be eg gas/ electric etc is on cheapest tariffs. Hope that clarifies.

Re wife I’m not really in a position I can put my foot down. More or less had to beg her to stick to this budget 100 I’ll end up ‘giving’ her some of ‘my’ clothing/ misc which I’m ok with. Sulking now because she’s getting fresh flowers for valentines and nothing else apart from me cooking her a nice meal. She was expecting a ‘proper gift’. Told her I can’t afford it not in budget unless she wants it coming out of her occasions pot for the year. Thinking I’ll probably pick a cheaper meal out on my birthday too, plenty of places I enjoy eating for much less than first choice so can cut that so might be able to spend a bit more on her come Christmas would rather pay it off my debts but she’s not going to stand a for that. Without getting too far into it she’s told me under no uncertain terms if I ever touch drugs again, I can forget her sticking to the budget and only doing it now because she ‘doesn’t want to see me bankrupt’ lol. Not complaining about it - lucky to still have her tbt but she’s not going to allow me to give her an allowance on a prepaid card in a million years.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Re house: my mortgage is £1240/m. Rest is: council tax £250/m x12, utilities/ insurance £320/m so £1810/m x12 to run the house. Broken down further on my spreadsheet and have made sure everything that can be eg gas/ electric etc is on cheapest tariffs. Hope that clarifies.

Re wife I’m not really in a position I can put my foot down. More or less had to beg her to stick to this budget 100 I’ll end up ‘giving’ her some of ‘my’ clothing/ misc which I’m ok with. Sulking now because she’s getting fresh flowers for valentines and nothing else apart from me cooking her a nice meal. She was expecting a ‘proper gift’. Told her I can’t afford it not in budget unless she wants it coming out of her occasions pot for the year. Thinking I’ll probably pick a cheaper meal out on my birthday too, plenty of places I enjoy eating for much less than first choice so can cut that so might be able to spend a bit more on her come Christmas would rather pay it off my debts but she’s not going to stand a for that. Without getting too far into it she’s told me under no uncertain terms if I ever touch drugs again, I can forget her sticking to the budget and only doing it now because she ‘doesn’t want to see me bankrupt’ lol. Not complaining about it - lucky to still have her tbt but she’s not going to allow me to give her an allowance on a prepaid card in a million years.

She is acting like a spoilt brat.

You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that this is a problem you have both brought about yourselves and that you both need to work your way out of.

Sulking because she is only getting flowers for valentines. How old is she again?

I would scrap the flowers and the meal and take her to see how some of your tenants live. She really does need to get a grasp of real life and stop being the spoiled snow flake.

enthusiasticsaver

Ok she is really being silly over Valentine’s Day. Fresh flowers and a meal cooked by you sounds lovely. 

enthusiasticsaver

I think she is roughly the same age as my DD2 who is 32 and told her husband yesterday not to get anything for Valentine’s Day  as they are saving for extension and it is all a commercial trap to get people to spend anyway. As you say if you spend on Valentine’s Day that is less for birthdays and Christmas. I would add I don’t see anything wrong in it if people want to celebrate and can afford it. We don’t as I got flowers for my birthday earlier on in week. Never bought my OH anything since we had our first anniversary and decided to celebrate our relationship on our own anniversary date rather than some arbitrary date when everyone is buying flowers and going out to restaurants 

alt80

@getmore4less sorry mate don't think my brain is working this afternoon - long morning on the work front ha. You're saying to break the food down into what's actually food and the rest into something else? Rest remains as a yearly 'pot' to deduct from as spent and stop trying to break it down into a monthly figure?

@RelievedSheff I don't want to get into it not going down the road of self pity etc doesn't help me and tends to lead to the other stuff. I know where you're coming from 100%. The wife and I have a past. As I've explained before, I haven't been great to her in times gone by and definitely bought her stuff to 'compensate' for my behaviour, it doesn't know that - she expects to be treated, just how it is. I've worked on it and really trying to move forwards from things that have gone before accessing the professional help etc. Maybe you're right I need to sort the food myself. Days when I'm exhausted because I struggle with sleep and not resorting to stimulants so not sure I can do that right now, not trying to just make excuses and put it on her I'm just really struggling to get through the days keep up with the business tbt. I know she does a lot around the house and cares for son etc.

She's 33 soon I know what you mean re valentines. She doesn't see the other side to life really looks up to the same people I try to compete with asks why we don't have what JV mate and others have tbh. Hates him coming here because of the chang but has said a few times she'd rather shack up with him than be stuck with a debtor like me lol. She doesn't compare us to her family/ other mates and no grounding from the tenants etc because she has no involvement and doesn't see some of the kind of places I see on a regular basis. Some of it really makes me question things tbh have been times I've seen stuff I'll never erase from my mind, I know just how bad things can get but do get caught up in lifestyle and I suppose arrogance of 'not going to be me' thinking I'm on another level. This sounds like some sort of hating on my wife and other's not so well off, it's not I know there's a tougher way of life than what I have and I know there's a better way. I get caught up in not being able to see the wood for the trees sometimes 100% things seem bad and I think if I earned more everything would be ok. Times she just wishes she'd married better in the first place and yeah she could have done better than me I know that.

RelievedSheff

If you genuinely can't get through to her then you have no hope of sticking to the budget. As soon as the shops open she will be out spending and blowing the budget.

Until that is sorted sadly there is nothing anyone can do to help you.

I feel sad for you because you clearly want to change and have made huge efforts and sacrifices. It would be a shame if that was all for nothing.

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver yeah she's same age as your daughter doesn't see it like her though ha. I agree re commercial nature of it tbt I'm OK with cooking a nice meal. Spent £40 on flowers tbh was going to spend £25 but she came in wanted the £40 one 'not even worth £40' chat - not the case at all but she doesn't see it like that, doesn't get they'll need to be thrown in a week's time and I try to say that the whole coke conversion starts again. Yeah know I've wasted money on that, not pleased with myself but the past has gone can't change it just move on and make better choices iyswim.

Actually had an ex who hated valentines - bit of a feminist, earned well or did when we were in our early 20s not seen her since she !!!!!! off with someone else ha. That was a lot easier on the money side though 100% lol.

alt80

@RelievedSheff she has said she'll stick with the budget we agreed just won't if I ever sniff coke again, fair enough and I think she will. No plans to do that so all being well she'll stick with what's been agreed. Need to keep away from the stuff anyway will improve my life. I am 100% serious about clearing my debts and not building balances on cards again. Agreed it probably means I need to forget about cars before an increase in income.

alt80

Looking forward to the weekend, planning worked well as it’s Friday night and for once I’m not dreading tomorrow or Sunday. Dreading being tired but that is what it is. Have everything bought for valentines meal and the flowers so fully prepared haha. That’s off the food tbh should be off wife’s occasions. If I could get to the point of having her on board with it would be winning. 

Son is excited for the walk and the match doesn’t know he’s baking Sunday he’ll love that not sure about me but amazing to see him buzzing for tomorrow. He’s off school next week too. Might have to plan a day with him. Big walk and football keeps him happy good on the wallet too lol. 

24 alcohol free days. Going to make it 25 tomorrow then will be having a drink on Sunday. Been good on the wallet also, again probably should have it’s own category rather than in with food. Determined to keep off the booze generally going forwards keep it to 1-2 weekends a month. Been good for me having the time off. Always been full of ‘I’m not a massive drinker’ and I wasn’t but did convince myself I had less to drink than I actually did.