First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

Do you use headphones in your lives.

If not using what you have probably no need for a new set.
I had to look at what makes them worth £550. When Bose and Sony are usually considered top end.

https://www.techradar.com/uk/news/apple-airpods-max-vs-sony-wh-1000xm4-vs-bose-noise-cancelling-headphones-700-how-do-they-compare

curtains174

I know it has been suggested many times before, but I really think you need to consider prepaid cards or a spending bank account such as Monzo. Spending on a credit card gives the false impression that the card limit is the amount you have as available spends. By transferring your budget into a separate account the temptation to overspend is removed and your monthly budget is clearly identified. Each pound can only be spent once and it would develop budgeting and saving skills, which in all honesty I think both you and your wife need, instant gratification seems to be your norm, neither of you seem to have learned how to save, as you have a good income and have never worked to a budget.

Perhaps if you both did prepay cards or spends accounts it would be easier for you to sell the idea to your wife? Credit cards could then be used purely for emergencies or joint considered spending. Pre pay cards are also available for children, it’s a great way to teach the value of money, your son is a great age to start getting pocket money this way, it’s amazing how little my children wanted when the money came from their pot rather than mine!

you are doing really really well, keep going!

RelievedSheff

curtains174 said:

I know it has been suggested many times before, but I really think you need to consider prepaid cards or a spending bank account such as Monzo. Spending on a credit card gives the false impression that the card limit is the amount you have as available spends. By transferring your budget into a separate account the temptation to overspend is removed and your monthly budget is clearly identified. Each pound can’t only be spent once and it would develop budgeting and saving skills, which in all honesty I think both you and your wife need, instant gratification seems to be your norm, neither of you seem to have learned how to save, as you have a good income and have never needed to budget. 

Perhaps if you both did prepay cards or spends accounts it would be easier for you to sell the idea to your wife? Credit cards could then be used purely for emergencies or joint considered spending. Pre pay cards are also available for children, it’s a great way to teach the value of money, your son is a great age to start getting pocket money this way, it’s amazing how little my children wanted when the money came from their pot rather than mine!

you are doing really really well, keep going!

I think that is a great idea and a great way to get the whole family involved by each having your own account and money/spending money.

enthusiasticsaver

Spending on credit cards is for some people not like spending real money so a current account where you can see the balance reducing is a better way to stay on budget.  I know you keep a running total of variable spends but that is you in control of it so she is not learning how to manage money and this buys in to the attitude you both seem to have which is men buy gifts for women but for some reason it is not reciprocated in your house.  Neither of us buy valentines gifts or cards for each other but we do buy birthday and christmas gifts and give just cards for anniversaries. My DH will also buy me a bunch of flowers every now and again and I will buy him beer or chocolates. 

However you have acknowledged and I think there is a grain of truth in this that the principal reason you have so much debt you need to deal with is your very expensive RR but it is not the only reason and her beauty spending and shopping sprees are the reason for the  overdraft over Christmas aren't they? . I would stay firm on this though as if she does not grow up about money you are going to have a constant struggle especially when we can all go out to the shops and restaurants again.  Quite honestly I would be ashamed if either of my daughters behaved in the way she is but I am guessing this is learned behaviour.  Sulk or throw a tantrum and she gets her way.  It is even worse if your son gets the idea this is normal and grows up to expect whatever he wants he gets and kicks off if he does not get it.  From your account he is already displaying this sort of behaviour. It is setting him up to fail in adulthood. 

getmore4less

Using account balance or CC limits to drive spending is not budgeting.

Planning what you will spend where and when is a budget.

getmore4less

Good weekend to be heading into another work week with positive head.

I would ignore Miss sulky tantrums just revisit the plan mid week and consider a plan for next weekend as that seems to be working.

The reason for leaving your share of spending in is to keep the balance because when things easy up you need to avoid it all going in one direction.

You can still underspend and pay off some more debt, when reviewing it will show as your efforts...

As for your fear of a spending spree, use the current technique of making lists of the things you might want and sleeping on them.
Start making a bigger list.

As for a blowout night out you know that is high risk, will open up bad thoughts and you will feel ill for a day or two.
Who can you go out with that won't take the evening in the wrong direction.

Our blowout is going to be a visit to people we haven't seen for ages and eating out when there.

KxMx

I definitely think the debt is not all down to you, adding up what your wife has spent on herself and son over the last couple of years may well alleviate some of the guilt you are carrying.

I also think pre paid cards for all of you are the way forward. You've done so well and come so far but as lockdown eases the temptation to revert to old habits and spend beyond your income and level of debt repayment will be there. Pre paid cards in that instance forces you to budget in a way that you don't fully have to in practice now. 

Mrs_F_2017

I'm sorry about your wife's behaviour @alt80. You planned such a lovely weekend and I'm sorry she didn't appreciate it. 

I don't understand how she could have been expecting something - where did she think the money was going to come from?  Particularly selfish as she didn't even get you a card. 

I echo others who have said prepaid cards (for both of you) might be the only way forward now.  She has shown she isn't committed to the new budgets as if she was she wouldn't have expected a present. She acts like a spoilt child not an equal partner in a marriage. 

alt80

Yeah definitely good to be starting another week with a clear head, got a load done this morning already. Actually more productive without the stuff ha. Would like to leave as is and review - few bits to review anyway to make it balance tbh realistically I’m going to have to give her my budget keep her on board. 

Definitely plan to keep working on the ‘wish lists’, review and tend to not bother works for me. Need to make sure the impulse doesn’t get the better of me though agreed. Re night out - don’t want to go out ever again ha but know the temptation will be there if it’s available. Every now and again I think about selling up and starting up away from here, different part of country. Madness, would be very difficult for me and ultimately I won’t do it but would be away from the people/ places/ things. Realistically I just need to learn to live with it keep up with the professional help and homework so far as that’s concerned lol.

Re prepaid card - Credit card as spends card works for me - all accounted for and I don’t see the limit as what I’ve got to spend tbh. The whole prepay/ additional current accounts/ separate spends accounts just sound like a nightmare tbh. Wife has her own account I won’t be able to update the spreadsheet unless she goes through what she’s spent and itemises it 100% she won’t do that - will tell me I’m being controlling and ensure every !!!!!! penny of her budget gets spent rather than giving some back for the debt payments. Yes I treat her sometimes but I’d like some say over when and how much and her me - idea of working to the budget - stick with it and be accountable not for control reasons. 

Re son - Son doesn’t get access to money. He does have some money but I put that into an account and plan to keep doing so. I will give him a choice when he’s 13/14 when I expect he gets a little job ideal world gets some experience working for me I can find him things to do at that age but his choice if he wants to do something else 100%. He’ll learn when he’s older needs to work for what he wants ha.

Re wife - she expects it because I can go through the figures over and over again but she thinks I’m going to treat her and just deal with it later. Ultimately it is what it is - going to keep her, need to keep her happy enough but yeah within reason needs to be now. 

She hardly uses headphones that’s what annoyed me re those but got it in her head she ‘needs’ these ‘for the plane’. 100% I don’t get them for her, she’ll ask her mum and dad for them for her birthday switch on the waterworks how hard done by she is haha. 

Re car - 100% contributes towards my debt situation but I’m not giving it up tbt I know when I’m debt free, will be able to get an AM probably used one initially but that’s def helping to keep me going and make choice on saying goodbye to the BMW get the debts and balloon payment !!!!!! off asap. After that def back to one car on finance at a time and with no card debts either things will be good. Been looking at the electric thing again - Jaguar I-Pace looks quite impressive just a shame its not a coupe but would be better on the pocket overall than the C300 and it’s a lot faster just !!!!!! which I’m not sure I can live with ha. 

RelievedSheff

You are sounding so much more relaxed and "together" than you were this time last month.

You are doing great and I'm sure that given time you will find your happy medium with living and still repaying the debts down in a reasonable timeframe. It will all just slot together.