First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

It sounds like she needs some counselling. She really isn't in touch with real life!!

Time for her to grow up a bit I think.

ladyholly

Good grief. Is she on this planet coz it doesn't sound like it. No wonder your self esteem is shot if that's her opinion. I think if I was in your position I would show her the door and tell her to get on with it. She doesn't want a husband she wants a slave. I know you love her but it doesn't appear to be a reciprocal thing. Does she not realise IG is not real? 

strawb_shortcake

Wow that's really shocking from the wife, as awful as it is, I bet she hasn't really thought it through, for instance is this fictional man going to take your Son along for this journey too? 

I wonder how your wife would react if you said you were on the lookout for a new woman with a job? 

My cousin's ex left him for a man she met on some sort of gold digger dating app - he quickly realised that he didn't like children so she chose the champagne jetsetting lifestyle over her Daughter and my cousin now has full custody. 

enthusiasticsaver

I can't help smiling at some of the things that come out of your wife's mouth but not funny for you and that must contribute to your stress levels and anxiety. I agree she needs counselling more than or at least as much as you. She needs a touch of reality for sure.

I get where you and getmoreforless are coming from re plan and differences between budgeting and cash flow but we run a much looser budget these days and I only want one credit card which is paid off in full each month purely because it is simple. Income comes in, credit card just used for food and fuel for cashback is paid off in full and money transferred to savings and personal accounts, direct debits go out beginning of month and what is left is for us to spend on the house, gifts  and entertainment so I do a running total like you have done to date.  I am happy to crunch numbers re forecasting expenditure for year and analyse past spends but our monthly budget for variable spends are not analysed in micro detail via category  because my DH is constantly popping done to local screwfix for bits and pieces for the house and it would be stressful for me to try and keep him on track and we don't need to do that now. If we run out of money in the current account I just transfer from savings. 

 If your budget is tight or you have lots of credit cards doing it the way you intend going forward will need constant tracking and juggling of credit card repayments and a close eye on 0% deal expiry dates. It does save BT fees though and as you seem to enjoy the number crunching it may work but good luck with keeping your wife on board. 

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

I’d do a happy Monday post but already had one staff call in sick 99% hungover ha. Do have a different attitude to this when I’m sober must admit less willing to suffer fools gladly lol. Fee earner too FML good at his job but drinks heavily not that long split from his Mrs so been a bit unreliable tbh.

Wife knows the score re budget etc just struggles to accept it - I get that, my debts, not hers. Probably would !!!!!! me off the other way if she had debts and was affecting my life. Yeah wouldn’t surprise me if she orders them at some point unless I do for her birthday. She wants them ‘for the plane’ haha FML if we go away this year only going to be to visit my parents not going to be on planes constantly if Boris decides we can and she’s got the small AirPods Pro anyway lol. 

Arrrrggghhhhhhhh THE DEBTS ARE NOT ALL YOURS some of it is down to both of you. I don't understand why you two are married if you see your lives as so separate,you are married so are a partnership whatever one does affects the other. The way to sort this is to BOTH live within your means. Honestly it's like banging your head against a brick wall. I don't understand how you can see your lives as so separate especially as you are the one paying for it all and she hasn't got a job, I would withdraw all money except housekeeping and tell her to get out and earn her own if she is that worried about how much money she has

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Bit of a brain dump ha sat in front of TV and can’t concentrate so if this makes any sense to anyone but me idk but I’m not drunk lol.

O/D will be clear March. So basing this from March. 

Variable spends/ funds for planned expenditure and current card repayments = £3160/m

BMW = £590/m

M&S and BC - 0% due Jul 21 balances end of March are £7,255 total. This means I need to make payments of £1810 to clear by the time the 0% ends. 

Sainsburys- 0% due Jan 22 with balance at end of March of £6,250. Payment needs to be £625/m.

MBNA - let this clear organically got until Oct 22 to shift £10,750 (March figures) so end of March I’ll up the payment to £565/m which will see that cleared at the point the 0% runs out. 

April (26th March) to July payments = £3k to existing cards.

August to January 22 = £1,190 to exisiting cards.

February 22 - October 22 = £565 to existing cards. 

Range Rover balloon I need to find £48.5k by April 24.

BMW is going back and a car through the company is coming in it’s replacement. All being well will deal with April. Parking the idea of a third car until the RR is fully paid for. Parking res home move for 4 years see how I feel then and where finances are as I’ll be coming to the end of my mortgage fix. Put the date in my reminders - discuss moving house. Look at it then stopped actively looking for res home purchases. 

As I’m needing to ‘borrow’ from my budget to meet the deadlines I’m fairly certain I’m going down the 0% purchase credit route to buy time. 100% aware that if I go mental on the spending it just adds to my debt and time to pay off. Only cheating myself. 100% determined to not let the banks win on interest / fees again so I stick to the budget, keep tracking the spends now that’s going against categories rather than going into ‘red / amber / green’ spends ha. Love the idea of getting to the point of no misc/ unexplained spends tbh does definitely appeal to my obsessive side just a little haha. Weirdly excited by getting to that stage it’s all planned out.

Wife - she’s not spent herself. I don’t entirely trust she won’t spend when things start opening though. Practically begged her to keep to this - told her not just for me and she has a level of spending which is manageable however needs to be relayed back to me so I can strike it against the budget. She’s agreed to this though not sure if she’s just nod her head to shut me up ha. Tbt I think the gifts thing has annoyed her more than having a spends budget she loves receiving gifts lol. It’s weird I get massive anxiety around any occasions since been working to a budget because she’ll tell me not to worry but as the occasion happens she’s disappointed and I’m anticipating that so the panic gets worse. I’ve had panic attacks (no exaggeration) over this stuff and know that’s the trigger as occasions approach. Can’t go on like that and have told her it’s affecting my mental health. Yeah she’s thinks it’s pathetic, told me so and I suppose it is but I don’t deal with the triggers it becomes self destructive. 100 I’d be in a better position had I addressed my mental and mindset issues before now but it is what it is. Just need to keep going in this direction working on improvement. 

Told her if she wants to earn extra it’s up to her. Going to leave that to her to sort but will support her if she decides she wants to but cannot spend anymore than the budget amounts from our main spends. I’ve been honest with her told her I’m seriously considering not using my budgeted amounts so I can get her a few treats and hopefully bring the overall debt down but it’s not going on AirPods Max when she’s got headphones she doesn’t really use or on makeup when she’s got tonnes she’s not got to using - fed up of the waste and agree with those on here it’s not good for son to see us wasting money/ resources/ products as we have been doing. If that results in her looking for someone else as she keeps threatening, that’s her choice I know. Not to say I want that because it’s the last thing I want tbt I want to be a family unit but if she finds someone else/ chooses to look for someone else post lockdown she can with my blessing. I’ve told her this but chooses to stay the threats need to end it’s not helping me or us as a family unit to move forwards.

Realised there isn’t a right and wrong. Some on here ok with the interest baring debt and they save at the same time. Not for me, net position is worse overall - I’d rather not be stung for the interest this is where the Emergency Funds etc didn’t make sense to me - what’s the point in having cash when you’d got interest baring debts or looming deadlines you can’t meet unless the amount you can make from the cash outweighs the cost of borrowing. An emergency comes up can use interest free debt to fund that imo and have paid the interest baring/ things that have looming deadlines. So long as the interest free debt is paid on time I don’t see the issue? If I’ve got this grossly wrong someone enlighten me please? Realise mine is 0% but got deadlines to meet or it becomes interest baring / cost to transfer.

I realise some on here seem to have a massive issue with using interest free debt I’m confused as to why if it is properly accounted for and not being used to fund a lifestyle beyond your means? This is were I’ve become quite confused tbt. Personally I was struggling with the idea of money building in accounts when interest free periods where running out at the same time. I appreciate this needs discipline but I’ve learned the hard way before of what not sticking to a budget leads to when I wound up refinancing my property to pay for my lifestyle. No bigger kick up the !!!!!! that that now I’ve woken up to how I was living my life can tell you that. That’s on my mind currently as I’m starting to going through the refinancing process again for the portfolio. Should be able to hit 75LTV all being well which will help the retained and in turn help growth. Did get offered a small 5 single unit BTL portfolio passed it onto my JV mate who’s having a go. Can’t go for it personally but it’s decent enough and will be managing it so very easy win there. Realised I need to stop getting stressed about growth of portfolio, pull the trigger when things right for me on the right opportunities and not be desperate about it. Some I’ll win, some I won’t either wrong opportunity or wrong time. Just putting myself at risk making mental decisions fuelled by destructive thoughts. Writing this diary has 100% made me reflect on how I approach things in business too actually. Just taking the step back when needed - I used to do that before the self destructive stuff took over and it was mental 100% destructive mindset letting that rule over reason. Looking up all the time, seeing people bigger than me. Feeling they were winning because they had more or bigger numbers nothing else. Obsessing about the numbers. Tbt I became addicted to wanting to make it in business, felt things weren’t going as quickly as I’d like and hid behind gearing to levels I shouldn’t have both in business and personally. 

Genuinely think I was heading towards disaster I knew that, some of the reasons the stress/ anxiety were so high and my casual use of substances tipped into periods of fairly heavy abuse. Writing this diary made me take the step back I needed. Accountability from strangers worked 100 for me can tell you that ha just hearing different view points been brilliant thank you. Appreciate a lot on here won’t like my methods or like me ha but tbh I need to run with doing what’s right for me. I have crunched the numbers until I’ve been unable to sleep for days on end that needs to stop, need to just start running with it now I think check/ adjust etc. 100% I’m serious about sorting my head out, getting out of debt and moving on from a frankly awful few years mentally. 

This has calmed my blood pressure a bit re the wife 😀
My view point on having savings while paying off debt is that I was in a situation where I kept having to use a card for emergencies along with being stupid with my money and spending beyond my means. I ended up with no savings if anything went wrong and no disposable income to pay for things that went wrong because I was paying off too much credit. I got into a vicious circle with it all. I then ended up not being able to afford the minimum payments and my 0% deals were running out along with my chances of getting any more. I ended up on a DMP because I couldn't sustain the payments, this has allowed me to save up for emergencies and stop using credit completely. My savings have saved me several times since I've been paying off my debt and Ive been able to avoid using a credit card since I started paying off my debt. Other people will have different experiences and I'm not sure it's right for everyone to save while paying off debt,I think it depends on your circumstances and how disciplined you are. I can not be trusted with a credit card at all so I only have a debit card and savings
Edited to add. You are right that if you have the discipline to use it properly there is nothing wrong with interest free credit,lots of people get out of debt by shuffling between 0% deals but you do need to be very disciplined with it all and not spend over your budget 

dawnybabes

Have you ever told her parents what she’s says to you.  I’d be ashamed if my child said that. 

RelievedSheff

I think you should set yourselves a little challenge and all get involved in it.

Find our what the weekly/monthly payment amount is for someone on universal credit and see if you can stick to that budget for the week or month whichever you choose.

This might just open your wife's eyes and make her realise just how fortunate she really is and how silly her comments about feeling like she is living on benefits are.

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

@getmore4less yeah very true he’s being a bit of a nightmare at the moment. Just in a !!!!!! place generally I think. 

Re rugby !!!!!! that’s been a good couple of weekends. Will have a rethink lol. Wife did the pizza last match, we ate like pigs mate felt rough all night. Both wife and I find eating a lot just makes us lethargic.

Haha sounds like you’re speaking from experience re the card companies! Not so sure you’re the saint I thought you were mate lol. Def something I’d do now my head is screwed in the right way re throwing the 0% in savings / offset res mortgage !!!!!! love it. 

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. 28 days today, 4 weeks since the last binge ha. Realise I needed the life overhaul sort myself out, could be a whole lot !!!!!! worse.

I did buy her flowers and she did enjoy the meal just hated the fact she didn’t get the headphones lol. Still getting asked about them. 

Think I’ve got through to the wife re the Range though tbh. She was on the Minis until she specced one next thing on the phone to her parents crying about the lack of toys and size of the screen is too small. FML. Asked her what she’d buy if we were going to buy the main family car again - G-Wagen haha don’t even feel !!!!!! guilty now tbh they cost just as much, some more and showed her. She said she ‘didn’t realise’. 

Actually asked her what she wants ultimately said if I could step up or she could find someone with a main res home in Nottingham (because parents but only thing I’ve got checked ha), flat in central London and villa in Italy who’d dress her in head to toe Balmain, take her on holidays 4 times a year and buy her a black G-Wagen and a white Lamborghini she’d be happy with that. Looked at me straight in the !!!!!! eye mate and said she thinks that’s probably not realistic though now girls younger than her on IG living her dream feels I’ve ‘stolen her opportunities in life’ but not my fault I’m ‘not very good at business’ yep thanks for the vote of confidence ha.  Whole chat about the whole she should have found a Forest player but didn’t have the confidence in her 20s and was worried they’d get a transfer out of Nottingham FML most wives would probably be getting the champagne out that day ha but that’s why she stuck with me apparently - wasn’t going to have to move away from her mum and dad properly !!!!!! crying saying son would be so happy if his dad was a footballer lol FML. 100 didn’t make things better pointing out son wouldn’t even be son if his dad was a footballer haha. 100 she’s massively disappointed she’s wound up with someone who can’t even buy her AirPods Max for Valentines haha. How me telling her if she wants to find someone else that’s her choice came up - always been disappointed with me tbt even more so now the whole budget thing has started. Said she thought it might be ok at first and was worried about our res home but not really finding it enjoyable and doesn’t want to ‘live like someone on benefits’ yep not even joking ha. It’s !!!!!! ridiculous didn’t actually realise she was that into the lifestyle stuff. Yeah I did know she liked it, so do I and suppose the pair of us bonded over it ha but actually didn’t think she’d got it quite as bad as me, got it !!!!!! worse imo.

Cancel my comment about my blood pressure coming down 😡😡😡😡😡
" live like someone on benefits " 😡😡😡😡 she is only with you for your money by the sound of this conversation . Look up universal credit and make that amount her budget for a month or two, she needs a reality check. Right I need to stop reading again before my blood pressure goes through the roof 

ladyholly

obl  I know what you mean. An hour later and I am still angry on alts behalf.